DH showing my "art" without my knowledge

[TheOtherMrs]

I zentangle /doodle for stress relief. This is a private activity, usually involves an audible book or music and zoning out for an hour or so. The result is occasionally shown to DH.

I've just found out he's been taking photos of my sketch book and showing them to a few of his friends because he's "proud of his artistic wife". The sketch book is left wherever I last doodled because I thought he understood it was private, like phones, laptops etc. I feel like he's showing off a private diary and now I want to either stop drawing or hide it.

YABU - DH is rightly proud of his wifes supposed artistic prowess and has every right to show it off
YANBU - he can be proud, but he should have asked before showing to others

I think it's lovely that he's proud of you and wants to show your work.
I get why you might feel exposed or embarrassed though, I love writing and it can feel like a "big thing" putting yourself "out" there.
So in the nicest possible way, YABU.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. While I think it's lovely that he's celebrating your artistic skills, for me painting or drawing is quite personal. I use acrylics and paint when I'm most stressed as a kind of outlet. I'm quite private about who I share my paintings with - I'd only show them on my own terms.

YANBU. He's overstepped here.

Assuming he's normally decent, don't stop drawing just ask him to respect your (normal levels of) privacy going forwards.

I think the big test is what happens when you tell him how you feel tbh. If he's understanding and apologetic and doesn't do it again then I'm not sure either of you are unreasonable, he made a mistake in assuming you wouldn't mind and you perhaps should have made it clear it was private to you, easily sorted with clear communication. How do you think he will react OP, or have you already told him you don't like it?

You think it's ok he did this without asking though?

Of course YANBU, op. It's your work, he's got no 'rights' to it because you're his wife. He should have thought to asked.

I can see why you’re a bit upset but this sounds well intentioned but thoughtless rather than horrible

I thought he understood it was private, like phones, laptops etc. I feel like he's showing off a private diary and now I want to either stop drawing or hide it.

It's not OK with you. You don't need our permission to feel that way.

He may not have understood that you intended your art to be private so I think you can tell him and ask him not to photograph it and show it to other people again.

Hopefully he will apologise. Don't tolerate him dismissing how you feel.

If ‘Zentangle’ is the stuff that keeps showing up on my Instagram lately, it’s pretty much structured doodling according to set patterns, done with the intention of mindless relaxation, right? If so, I think that’s a bit different to showing someone your actual drawings or paintings — there’s nothing personal about it. I mean, you clearly feel it’s a violation, as is your right, but I imagine he’d have asked first if it had been original work. It’s kind of a more complex version of filling in alternate squares of your maths squared copybook in primary school…?

Why haven't you just explained your feelings to him and asked him not to do it again.

Surely it's not something he would refuse is it?

It sounds like he didn’t know not to and had mistaken assumed you would be ok with it.

No. They're yours and they're private. I get he might like to show them/you off but he has to ask first.

I suspect though, that the reason he didn't ask is because he knew you'd say no. So he went behind your back, which I'd find hard to forgive. For no reason other than deep down he knew they were private and knew your wishes, but put what he wanted above all that at your expense. All so he could show off vicariously through you.

Hmm Zentangle. Interesting, I never knew there was a word for this. I do it all the time.

My DH shared my fiction writing online, I wanted to kill him at the time! In the end I appreciated it and knew it came from a place of love.

My DH makes music and won't even let me hear it, never mind share. I doodle and only share them with DH, mum and a v close female friend.
He obviously doesn't realise it's so private so just explain that. Then also hide it a bit. Not hide doing it, just the books etc. can you lock them in a drawer? If you want to share them it's up to you. But don't get too angry with him. Just be firm.

This^

YABU if you never explicitly told him not to show it off. Would you really leave a private diary lying around?
Also looked up Zentangle I can see why you'd be embarrassed at it being shown to the public because it looks like nothing special. But it's not actually a shameful secret.

You've clearly not understood the Zentangle method and that's fine.

Yes I would and do leave my private diary laying around, as does DH.

And thank you so much for taking the time to understand why I might be embarrassed to have my drawings made public, even though you've not actually seen them. I hope that you understand that me thinking that your attitude is a bit shameful is not a secret either.

I’ve made no pretence of understanding the ‘method’ — as I said it just keeps showing up on my Instagram feed along with vegan recipes and Jones Road Miracle Balm.

But it’s doodling structured patterns for stress relief, so completely unlike someone sharing the private contents of your diary, laptop or phone with their friends. You clearly feel it’s more personal than that, but he’s not to have realised that unless you explained.

I understand that he meant well and was genuinely proud of your talent but as a crafter, I’d also be embarrassed if DP showed photos of my projects without asking me first.

the Zentangle i know of takes quite a lot of skill and effort @TheOtherMrs congrats on your designs op, but i understand your point too

Like I said ...

You need to unclench. He's shared photos of your doodles, he meant no harm and quite reasonably won't have thought you'd have this reaction.

Ask him kindly not to share photos without asking you first, and forget about it.

Let's see!

I’m imagining being in his shoes. I might think what you’ve created, whether doodles or art, is wonderful and want to show others. What I can’t imagine is not talking to you first. Maybe not asking permission but at least saying x person would love this, I’m going to take a picture. Assuming he was unaware they were private. As he didn’t mention to you he would be showing others that suggests to me that he knew you might not want him to but did it regardless. It doesn’t matter whether they were doodles, they could have been colour by numbers and still not been his to share.

So, what? Divorce then?