AIBU to think we are currently raising the most dull generation yet??

[Rosaofthevalley]

I have my own children who thankfully have a wide range of interests but they are increasingly finding it harder to actually communicate with other kids. I understand we all have different interests but I actually don’t know how to guide them through this.

I’m around a wide range of kids, schools, clubs, long term friends children, newer ones etc and it seems that an alarming amount of them have NO interests, like zero! Conversations usually revolve around phones, YouTube, TikTok, video games but they have no real world interests. This is if they look up long enough to hold a conversation with each other.

As a millennial myself I think as a generation we are seriously failing our kids. There are so many more behavioural issues, concentration and communication are at an all time low.
My friends who are still in teaching are pulling their hair out at the amount of crowd control needed on top of teaching (I left teaching 10yrs ago and definitely saw the start of a decline but nothing like now.)

I think they’re bored, but without the skills or imagination needed to combat boredom. Surely I can’t be the only one who thinks this??

To add to my post. My 10 year old DC does have one friend that only seems to game. He does no after school activities or clubs and has never stuck to anything, tried a couple of sports and decided didn’t like, quit a musical instrument after only one lesson and parents just say ok. I worry about him having zero resilience.

I get what you’re saying, though I don’t agree it’s the vast majority. However, it’s the way we’ve shaped society- so many parents now have to both work long non child friendly hours which means kids are being left in after school clubs (which are serviceable but rarely particularly brilliant). Many parents then don’t want to spend what little time they have at activities or spend the ££ when everything costs so much. The number of kids at our local primary that can’t swim is horrifying - it’s a really important life skill but many parents don’t have the time or cash to prioritise it - school now only take the non swimmers when they have time scheduled at the local pool in an effort to try & make a difference. Technology is great for so many things but yes, I think we’re doing more harm than good sadly. Oh & the poster who mentioned resilience is also correct I think…. Friend of mine is a ceo of a large national company - she asked one of the grads on the training program to make a call recently and they said “oh sorry, I don’t like speaking to people I don’t know” - she was horrified….and I think has taken a much more significant interest in the hiring process since!!

Yes I agree, my primary school aged child does exactly the same activities and honestly, I’ve never heard her strike up a convo about these topics. So it seems irrelevant to me, at nearly 7, that she shares these interests with her peers.

OP, I think kids are great at communicating non-verbally too. I’ve often seen kids not say one word to each other, and literally seconds later, they are chasing each other around, laughing their heads off and making up ‘rules’ for this ‘game’. Kids still often play in the moment, allowing the environment to support spontaneous interactions and play.

It sounds tough that your kids are struggling with their peers but I don’t think that makes other kids ‘dull’ - especially not an entire generation.

I agree with the private school secondary teacher. Big difference between over scheduled kids who do clubs and extra curricular and kids who are capable of having a conversation with an adult and who are not boring.

Our school will put Newsround on for the juniors but I was giving a lift back to a child (age 9) generally considered to be bright and outstanding at sport, and we were talking about current affairs and they hadn't a scooby.

I think there is too much focus on excellent parenting / well rounded kids = extra curricular.

I know plenty of teenagers with a huge range of interests. My own teens enjoy Boxing, Piano, Viola, Chess, Basketball, Russian, Chinese, Cookery, Skiing, Gym and Running between them! (And yes, they also like TikTok etc as well).

I wonder though, if the kids mentioned in the OP are much better conversationalists than you assume?

At some point in primary school, kids learn that talking at people about your latest obsession is actually quite dull if they are not equally interested.

Kids do such a range of activities, but if none of your friends do, then it's not exactly a great topic of conversation, is it? It's natural to default to common ground. And for kids that age, common ground is likely minecraft, gladiators, pokemon, and football. Maybe books and films. But probably not tennis and violin.

I don't see the problem.

What interests do you what my 7 and 10 year old to have - climate change? War?

my 7 year old talks the socks off anyone who will listen about Beast Quest and Minecraft, with a Roblox here and there and finishes off with football. My 10 year old will talk about Harry Potter and dancing and drama. That’s about it.

I think the real failing I see is the ever decreasing investment in public services and social support and the impact that does and will have on kids. That is the bigger problem.

Many 'interests' feel forced upon kids to meet the needs of the parent. I find the post quite judgemental and validation seeking

Too many kids with phones in primary school. But these are also the kids that walk / catch the bus home alone (from year 5) so I can see why their parents give them phones.
But I am also guessing that maybe no one is home when they get back - again, watching tv / screen time is a safer option for latchkey kids (as they were known in my day).

I try not to worry too much about stuff like this. I’m in my fifties and grew up in an era of no gadgets etc. But my favourite pastime was sitting in a corner reading. Yes, very edifying and all that, but I spent a lot of time by myself, not talking to anyone. I just wasn’t into clubs or team stuff or organised fun. I hated it in fact. If gadgets had been around back then, I’d have been on them alright! My eldest is the same, but has always been a bit more keen to try stuff - then give it up a few weeks later. There was cubs, cadets, karate, guitar lessons. But never for long. He spent most of the pandemic yelling at his friends online and was addicted to Fortnite and Five Nights at Freddy’s. Obsessed in fact. And I was fed up with the constant battle of trying to get him off the internet and into the real world. Now though, he has a bunch of friends he hangs out with and, yes they are superglued to their phones (so am I!), but the gaming has fizzled out and there’s plenty of chat and engagement. In fact they never stop talking. They go into town, go bowling, to the cinema, to the gym. I feel now as though all my fretting was for nothing.

I don't recognise what you're saying with my own children. They have plenty of hobbies and are very articulate and academic. They enjoy using their iPads but also have lots of play time and we spend a lot of time out and about at weekends. They have lots of friends who are similar and have no issues socially.

That was me 20 years around rough school "where are interesting kids?" and I wanted to escape to Oxbridge, just to be around people who liked books. Now I am more stuck with ADHD while classmates are doing more alright :)

My teenager can seem to be permanently bent over his phone or gaming at expense of actually hanging out with his friends and having civilised family dinner time with us - but he doesn't seem to let his phone get in the way of his interests (serious piano, general knowledge, history)...and girlfriend. He certainly has his moments of shocking self absorption but he will be alright and so do plenty of his friend seem to be.

Why are you assuming that? DD was cycling to music and sports clubs by herself towards the end of primary school. Most of the very engaged parents I know encouraged gradually increasing independence in travel , play and other activities through years 5 and 6 to help their children be ready for secondary school.

To me you sound like a typical parent. You find your kids interesting, but see others as boring. Fact is that to most adults kids are dull- parents just struggle to recognise it in their own offspring.

I am sure as interesting as you find your kids, very few other adults would actually agree with you…even if they wouldn’t say it to your face!!

I wonder if other dc have learnt not to rabbit on and on about what interests them to a disinterested audience and yours just haven't reached that stage of development yet OP

I sometimes struggle to understand the different ‘values’ people seem to attach to hobbies. I understand the health benefits of sport etc, but why is watching a film inherently more worthy than playing Minecraft? I’d argue that Minecraft is more interactive and challenging. Why is gaming considered so bad? Surely there are good and bad games for kids, just as there are good and bad films and good and bad books (see David Walliams for the latter).

Ha that’s so funny. I was brought up in the 70s and I was the same.

As a child I used to cry, actually sob with sheer boredom because essentially I was just waiting for computers to be invented. Why wouldn’t children be on screens? They’re exciting and colourful and interactive.

The key is balance in all things. Children need books to read and time outdoors. They need social interaction and imaginative play. Screens are ok in moderation. And good parents will instinctively ensure their children have this balance.

As a child I used to cry, actually sob with sheer boredom because essentially I was just waiting for computers to be invented.

love it.

Sometimes hut-building and puddle jumping and geocaching just don't cut it.

I don't see this in my dd and her friends. My DD does competitive swimming, hockey and netball. For school and a club. My younger nieces and nephews also do a lot of sport. In my work though the children I meet are usually only interested in tech and have limited hobbies.

It sounds like you don't understand their world rather than that they're boring. You sound pretty old-fashioned for a millennial to be honest.

Communication is happening, it's just more online. (Hopefully it's finally an end to boring small talk and pointless coffee chats).

They can't win, because if they're kicking a football outside they're making too much noise or it's not safe or they aren't reading or working on another useful skill.

If they're reading and writing/typing on their phone then that's still not good enough even though it's still reading and writing.

If they read an ebook it's not good enough because it's not a physical book (even when it's the same book).

Kids use their phones and tablets for drawing, learning about more things they do have an interest in, games that teach a wide range of skills and strategies, and increasingly building followings and starting businesses. Boredom has nothing to do with it, they have more available to them than any other previous generation - if anything, it's too much choice or lack of direction that's the problem. They have access to endless amounts of people and experiences, and many more options for getting their voices heard and learning new things. It's far better than our generation who had the choice of watching Gladiators on a Saturday night and no other options entertainment-wise unless you were rich.

My ds(15)' activities out of school are karate, gym, swimming, metalwork, reading mostly dystopian novels, food and playing computer games.

In comparison to my brother, the only thing missing is an obsession with football, and I don't miss that at all.

DS also doesn't smoke or vape, and although I offer him a glass of wine or cider occasionally, he won't touch alcohol. He doesn't even like coffee.

He's more interesting than I was at his age.

What kind of hobbies are my autistic 9 yo and 6 yo in year one supposed to have exactly?

Our 9 yo enjoys being outside and jumping on a trampoline. Our 6 yo enjoys pretend play which can include blocks, a train set, figurines, a mix of toy automobiles, and gaming on his tablet (mainly puzzles and numbots). Both like accompanying me in the garden and helping me, even more so when they get to water the plants. 6 yo likes to help me bake and has his own apron.

Should I tell the 4 mo she needs to become more interesting and not just babble and smile at me? She’s already good at side eyeing, but I’m guessing that isn’t enough.

Not sure what some posters have against gaming. I’ve been gaming for decades and interact with others through it. Didn’t prevented me from doing my schoolwork, my extracurricular activities, graduating uni, travelling to different countries, working customer-facing and public roles, and interacting with people. I can shockingly hold a conversation and talk about many things despite being a gamer.

I actually think there is more of an issue of pushing and wanting children to grow up faster than needed and necessary.

This! People don’t sit around going on about their hobbies. I have hobbies but I wouldn’t bore my friends with them.

If your kid is learning Russian, for example, how does that come up in conversation? What is there to say that’s going to interest others, especially teens?

I am a teacher and when you get chatting to them, many of them have all sorts of hobbies. Art class, football, wrestling, music lessons, drama, swimming, Scouts, dancing, gymnastics. They do loads! I don't recognise what you're saying.

The ones with no hobbies are the ones getting in to trouble outside of school, or getting in huge WhatsApp and Snapchat arguments. It's taught me to ensure my young children are busy and have hobbies as they get older !

This! People don’t sit around going on about their hobbies. I have hobbies but I wouldn’t bore my friends with them.

True. That’s why many people have different groups of friends and acquaintances they belong to.