To not understand this (Mothers day)

[MaybeM]

Hello,

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable but there's been a lot of posts saying happy Mother's Day to soon to be mothers, mothers who have lost children, fur mothers whatever and that I understand and that it's inclusive to maybe people who have experienced loss or see their pets as babies or whatever really .. which is fair enough.

But then they say " to those who have chosen not to be mothers" I understand it if certain circumstances such as infertility had caused someone to make that choice but if someone is child free by choice (no complications just don't want kids) why would they want to be included in Mother's Day? (Apart from celebrating with their own mums obviously)

Am I missing something? I know in the grand scheme of things it's a non issue but I just don't get it.

It's the PC brigade. And for people to feel smug sharing the posts on FB

Goodness my sister doesn't have kids and she'd think anyone was being ridiculous to feel sorry for her and that she might feel left out! My other sister has a disabled child incapable of understanding Mother's Day and no partner - she's the one who may have a tinge of sadness.

Seems odd though. Why wouldn't you just make your own message. By sharing it you're basically saying hey look at this it reflects my own feelings.

That’s ridiculous.

@jellyfishbubbles not really, like I said people who know me would know why I shared it

But why would any of those people want to be recognised on Mother’s Day?

If you give up a child for adoption willingly you are not a mother.
There is plenty of help available for people who want to keep their babies but can't afford it / need help with addiction. What they are saying, by giving up a child for adoption willingly, is that they want to make an easier choice for themselves rather than try to get help from elsewhere.

And that's completely their choice and OK but it does not make them a mother.

Adopted child here.

So many of you lack insight, and many of these posts come across as rather nasty.

I am child-free, more or less by choice, but that doesn't mean that Mother's Day isn't somewhat difficult. Society expects women to be mothers, and I often have to justify my life decisions, explain how circumstances led me to make that choice, or receive a pitying look when I say that I don't have children. It's not pleasant.

I don't think anyone needs a card or anything, but I think it's lovely that others may recognise that even women who have chosen not be be mothers may find the day difficult. It's a weird day for non-mums, especially at a certain age.

Surely though the point is that everyone reacts and thinks differently about certain situations. Your sister might not care, whereas a supportive and generous aunt in a previous post might feel worn away by going out to celebrate their mum and sister again and not getting appreciation back?

I also don’t like all this talk about happy to be childfree or about women who made their choice. My brother and SIL would say I am happy with my decision, because I absolutely will not share my struggles with them.

Quite frankly as a single woman who had to organise her own birthday meal a few weeks ago, today was pretty shitty at yet another family celebration where my SIL and mother were fawned over and a meal out was organised for them and gifts given and I felt like I had to be there. No I wouldn’t want a gift, but I hate this view of a one size fits all approach.

I have children now, but for years I fit the category of women who had "chosen" to be childless because I had had a termination whilst in an abusive relationship. I used to visit my parents' church on mother's day and at the end of the service the children would come out from Sunday school and give a daffodil to every woman in the congregation. It always really touched my heart and made me feel seen on a day that was otherwise secretly very painful and filled with shame.

I read this somewhere today OP. It didn't make sense to me either 🙈

That's lovely, our church does this too. But it's not at all the same as a hallmark card, is it?

Inclusivity, innit.

Fur mothers?
Jesus wept.

I've seen so many versions of these today. Most are shite.
Happy Mother's day to/today i am thinking of...
All those who are Mums. (Yes)
Those who have lost their mums (I guess)
Those who have lost a child (yes, they are mums)
Those who couldn't be mums (I can see that they might find today hard)
Mums of children with disabilities (aren't they covered by "mums"?)
Single Mums (again, covered by mums)
Mums who's children are sick (mums then)
Same sex mums (uhhh.. mums)
Dads who are also being Mum (dad's can't be mums)

And so on. Step mums, adoptive mums etc etc.

I understand your point, I’m not a mother either but I think it’s good to acknowledge these qualities.

I completely agree. I've seen some things that say that before and it's completely nonsensical. My sister is very happily childfree by choice and if you said to her "thinking of you on Mother's Day" she'd think you'd lost your mind. Why would she be included? Why would she want to be?? She chose to be childfree, Mother's Day isn't difficult for her, it's simply irrelevant to her life.

What qualities though? It's Mother's Day not a day for anyone who cares and/or nurtures someone. That would include the vast majority of people

@Pheasantsmate If I were the waitress, I'd have given you 2 glasses of champagne as compensation for having a bitch-cow from hell as a SIL!

I was a teenage mum. Would have loved more but even with treatment no more happened.
I grew up with my mum but never close. We now foster and our young people don't get to see their mum.
I hate Mothers day posts from the
' oh youre my best friend....'
'look how spoiled I was today'
To the upset/neglected/ignored by their kids posts.
None of them come out looking good, either way over the top or complete moaner.

Lots of people don't have that 'amazing' mother /child relationship, lots can't have children although they'd love them, some shouldn't have had kids ever but keep having them. I came off social media yesterday cos I got so fed up with the mother's day posts!