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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The reason I hate mothers day...

56 replies

Hullabaloo9 · 10/03/2024 15:58

Every year I wake up stressed and already annoyed on mothers day. I accept that maybe I am a bit of a control freak but I absolutely HATE it when people, especially kids are "helping". It really makes my skin crawl.

I hate it when the kids craft for me, make my food, make me a tea or worse bake a cake!!! I sit in silent agony while this goes on around me, every nerve on edge, anticipating the inevitable mess, chaos and arguing. I am patient and do smile and appear grateful but my god it is my own personal hell!!

My best day would be just being allowed to get on with my jobs uninterrupted, some nice light coversations maybe while I'm doing so and basically just nobody being a dick for 1 day!!!

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 10/03/2024 16:03

So how and when are the kids going to learn how to do this stuff then? Surely you will be equally complaining when they are still at home in their 20s not being able to do any housework.

Just go out whilst they are doing the house stuff and come back when things have been done. Much less stressful (I do this when my DH does the hovering so that I don't murder him).

Stompythedinosaur · 10/03/2024 16:06

Can't you do a bit of both? I love that my kids want to make an effort for me (is the issue that they aren't clearing up after? Is there another parent to help with this?) and then I usually want a couple of hours free to garden in the afternoon.

Can't you see the kid's crafts or baking as an expression of their love for you, even if you aren't impressed with the actual product?

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2024 16:06

You need to chill out and be less controlling. They need to learn to do these things independently.

Delphinium20 · 10/03/2024 16:08

I hear you. It IS stressful when they are young. But it got much better as mine got older. Now, I'm choose a garden to visit and they are pleasant.

MrsJellybee · 10/03/2024 16:08

You sound like my mother…

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2024 16:10

Do you like your children the rest of the time? There’s no way they aren’t picking up on your disapproval which is pretty sad for them.

Original poster
Hullabaloo9 · 10/03/2024 16:11

I know. You are all absolutely right and I genuinely do appreciate that it is acts of love. I just find it so hard to be less uptight about these things and it has become a day I dread, along with my birthday.

I guess I was hoping to find out that others feel like this too so I'm not alone in my guilt.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 10/03/2024 16:11

I hate Mother’s Day as I am not one , just chill out ffs and enjoy the day

ohdamnitjanet · 10/03/2024 16:11

This might be the worst MD post I’ve seen today and that’s saying something. Even worse than the bad photo post. Jesus.

Original poster
Hullabaloo9 · 10/03/2024 16:16

Yes I do generally like my children and we do do all these types of activities even though it puts me way out of my comfort zone. I do wish I was a lovely chilled mother though who could laugh merrily about the spilled flour and half washed dishes on the draining board.

OP posts:
jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 16:18

Could you go out in the morning and come back at lunch?

Coffeeisnecessary · 10/03/2024 16:19

I hate it as everyone else's children seem to be doing this and making some sort of an effort when I look at social media whereas mine can't be arsed!

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2024 16:22

Hullabaloo9 · 10/03/2024 16:16

Yes I do generally like my children and we do do all these types of activities even though it puts me way out of my comfort zone. I do wish I was a lovely chilled mother though who could laugh merrily about the spilled flour and half washed dishes on the draining board.

You can change how you choose to react. Choose to see their effort and thoughtfulness instead of stressing about the mess.

I know misery loves company and all that but your approach sounds shit for you and potentially quite damaging to your children. You’re an adult, you chose to have children and invite a certain level of mess, spontaneity, chaos into your life and your home. That’s on you not your presumably still young children.

Do you want them to remember how pleased mum was with whatever effort they tried to make, or how grumpy and resentful mum was while sighing over the dishes and how they stopped bothering because it wasn’t worth it?

RightOnTheEdge · 10/03/2024 16:25

Poor kids. Most miserable and ungrateful mother's day post so far. Well done 👏

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 16:27

Watch the bluey omelette episode

GrazingSheep · 10/03/2024 16:31

but I absolutely HATE it when people, especially kids are "helping". It really makes my skin crawl.

That is a really unpleasant way for your children to be living.

grinandslothit · 10/03/2024 16:42

Hullabaloo9 · 10/03/2024 16:16

Yes I do generally like my children and we do do all these types of activities even though it puts me way out of my comfort zone. I do wish I was a lovely chilled mother though who could laugh merrily about the spilled flour and half washed dishes on the draining board.

You decide the person you want to be. If you want to be a chilled, happy mum, that's up to you.

Therapy can help.

AlwaysGinPlease · 10/03/2024 16:53

GrazingSheep · 10/03/2024 16:31

but I absolutely HATE it when people, especially kids are "helping". It really makes my skin crawl.

That is a really unpleasant way for your children to be living.

Agreed. Those poor children 😢

purpleme12 · 10/03/2024 16:53

How miserable

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 10/03/2024 16:58

I dont say this lightly and I'm not trying to be a dick but my child passed away. I'd give my right arm to have him here even if he was doing my head in!!
If its all a bit much for you, take yourself away for a bit and come back a bit later when you feel a bit more calm.

TreesWelliesKnees · 10/03/2024 17:00

I get it OP. It is hard if you're left with the mess to deal with, or things are done badly. My youngest can't make a decent cup of tea to save her life, and that first cuppa of the day really matters! But I smile and thank her and tip it away when she's not looking. I focus on her lovely smile and how much she wants to do something nice for me.

They get older and become teenagers who do sweet FA, so try to make the most of this time.

Snugglemonkey · 10/03/2024 18:25

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 16:27

Watch the bluey omelette episode

That is a great one!

Alwaystransforming · 10/03/2024 18:32

I thought this was going to be reasons that were kind of random reasons. I was going to say because my mum is dead and she preferred mother’s days to her birthday. Her birthday would have been tomorrow and it’s all for on top of me.

But Op if this winds you up so much, there’s only you that can change it. You say you can’t be more chilled. You can. You expend a lot of energy controlling these things, you could put some of that into finding ways to relax.

You are letting it ruin what should be moment ls that are happy and full of love. I hate cleaning up. But if the kids spill flour, it’s a pain to clean up. But what else happens? Nothing. A bit of mess is worth the memories. Not just for you for your kids.

Busybee44 · 10/03/2024 18:35

Mother's day is horrible and causes too much stress

MrsMikeHeck · 10/03/2024 18:37

@Hullabaloo9 I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. It must get hard. I don’t think other people can understand the physicality of this kind of stress. It’s clear that you don’t want to be like this and it’s not something you are choosing.

Well done you for staying calm and pretending - you sound like a lovely mum.

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