The reason I hate mothers day...

[Hullabaloo9]

Every year I wake up stressed and already annoyed on mothers day. I accept that maybe I am a bit of a control freak but I absolutely HATE it when people, especially kids are "helping". It really makes my skin crawl.

I hate it when the kids craft for me, make my food, make me a tea or worse bake a cake!!! I sit in silent agony while this goes on around me, every nerve on edge, anticipating the inevitable mess, chaos and arguing. I am patient and do smile and appear grateful but my god it is my own personal hell!!

My best day would be just being allowed to get on with my jobs uninterrupted, some nice light coversations maybe while I'm doing so and basically just nobody being a dick for 1 day!!!

Listen, you need to understand why this is so stressful for you and sort it out. Your children need you to! Maybe therapy?

Today I was presented with cold bacon and a croissant in bed with half a cup of tea, by a 7 year old who was delighted with himself for using the ninja and tongs to make bacon all by himself (his dad watched, before anyone freaks at the danger).

He made the tea himself too, but he only filled half a cup for safety. Then he brought me a handmade card (glitter all over the bed), a box of celebrations and a bunch of flowers.

He made me lunch (a ham sandwich, apple, packet of wotsits)

He helped his dad make me dinner by microwaving mash and a pack of veg from waitrose.

These things would not have been my choices and some things would fail a taste test on masterchef. There were rows with the wee one who wanted to help too. There was mess (sorted by dad though). There was a 14 month old who has not had salt eating ham and wotsits and with mash in her hair.

There was a wee boy who was super proud of taking care of his mummy and a mummy super proud of him. And the wee manky mash fiend.

I’m afraid I agree with this. You obviously have a massive neurosis about mess which you struggle with but you should have recognised by now that this is your problem to deal with.

Nor only is this pretty ungrateful, you’re basically passing the neurosis onto your kids.

I kind of get this, i also dont really like it but you have to pretend don't you as i am sure you are doing so no harm done x

It is! I genuinely think it will help OP

I also agree with @Thepeopleversuswork that you seriously need to deal with your own OCD regarding a bit of mess.

You could just say in advance, instead of .........
Let's all go out go for a day at the zoo/ theme Park/ bowling etc..

I can see where you're coming from, it must be extra frustrating that you have to be grateful when it's stressful for you.

Can you speak to your partner beforehand to make sure he can take care of it all being cleaned up afterwards so you actually get a chance to relax?

Hope it's not been too bad today.

“So how and when are the kids going to learn how to do this stuff then? Surely you will be equally complaining when they are still at home in their 20s not being able to do any housework.”

What? 20 year olds are more than capable of doing basic housework without having had years of experience. Maybe violin playing, or learning a language but not mundane chores. My kids didn’t do a single bit of housework but as young adults they’re all perfectly capable - how? Because of good role models. They grew up seeing both me and my DH doing domestic stuff as a team. It’s not brain surgery.

And Mother’s Day is not the day to have DC pissing about making a mess in the kitchen and leaving a trail of clean-up carnage.

I’m with you op.

I have OCD, but also a toddler so you can probably imagine my house is never tidy. It does overwhelm me, and caring about the mess is so exhausting but I don't care. He's only this young once, it's time I'm never going to get back with him and I'm very well aware that in a few years when he's a teenager, he's probably not going to be bothered to spend time with his boring old mum! The mess can be cleaned, time cannot be taken back.

If I were you I'd speak to your GP for a referral. It's really not healthy for you or your children to be this way. I feel like this is just a 'Why don't my adult children want to see me??' post in the making. Do something about it before they lose interest and stop wanting to spend time with you.

Also I agree completely with this!

I've cried today. I am ASD diagnosed. I cooked lunch for mum and they said thank you, kids didn't. Pissed em right off

How odd!!!

This is definitely a fake it til you make it scenario. I've had awful meals cooked, been woken way too early for cold coffee in bed and had many uncomfortable mothers day experiences. But today I came down to a gorgeous brunch that 3 kids made and planned without Dad's input. I was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a book I genuinely will like and a rather ugly piece of craft that my youngest made. I asked to be left alone to watch Netflix all afternoon and it actually happened. Encourage them and they will eventually get it right.

Maybe lower your expectations.

@Hullabaloo9 you sound like a person who isn't happy at all. It sounds like you are surviving not living. This usually means a person is in emotional pain or feels they don't deserve joy. Or a person who has depression.

I would recommend exploring this because lif can be fleeting and those memories are the legacy we gift our children.

I lost my mother a few weeks ago, she was like you for years then she woke up one day and lived. I am grateful for the memories of her being present, happy and engaged.

I have always been glass half full type, can't imagine not getting joy from my children's efforts. I wish you happiness and peace.

@Hullabaloo9 I hear you. Two kids now adults. Hated any kiddie mess. Not bothered about Mothers Day anyway. Make me a cup of tea and I’m happy with that.

My youngest son died from cancer in February 2022 aged just 13. Treasure your children, messy or not, I'd give anything to have him here with me today.

Yep

@Tobysgirl ❤️

Snugglemonkey I loved reading your post and smiled all the way through. He's going to remember this day.

@DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats thank you x

Your job is to turn your children into functional, capable adults. If that "turns your stomach" I would recommend counseling. I have OCD and a messy house bothers me, but raising my children to be competent and confident was more important than my feelings. Seriously, get help.

You sound like a joy to live with

Thank you. I will too :)