To think son should accept this sleeping arrangement offer?

[ellyoctober]

We're away next weekend and DS would like a gathering of friends and a few to sleepover.

All fine by me.

I've offered blow up beds in the play room and a double sofa bed in a spare room. Also he has a double bed. There's also a comfy couple of sofas in the living room.

There's only 3 maybe 4 who'll stay over.

I've asked him explicitly not to go in or allow any of his friends to go into any othwr bedrooms, but he's asked if his oldest friends can sleep in one of the spare doubles of his older sisters (3 out of the 4 girls have left home but I like to keep their rooms welcoming as they sanctuary if they come home at all).

I've said no not in the sisters beds (or ours 😭).

But he says he cba to blow up any airbeds.

AIBU to be resolute?

When I lived away at uni my teenage bedroom
still contained underwear, thrush creams, diaries, sex toys etc all manner of things I wouldn't be comfortable with a teenage boy having access to tbh.

As a teenager we would sleep in empty / siblings rooms. The host child would sometimes takes their parents room and give up their bed too.
We never rifled through people's stuff AFAIA but who knows really.

Sleeping bags but on the girls beds? So he boys aren't actually in the bed?

Yes, this. If they’ve moved out but it’s to uni and they come back in the holidays then yes, I’m with you - I’d probably let visiting family stay there after giving the room a tidy and putting a few personal things out of the way, but not their younger brothers mates on an unsupervised sleepover.

But if they have left home, have actual homes or house shares of their own, don’t come back in holidays etc - then you are being a bit unreasonable and might be time to start thinking about making it possible for your house to have more spare rooms, since they’re clearly needed sometimes.

I love stealth boast threads 😂😂

Seems silly to have a house full of empty beds and make guests sleep on airbeds

Why doesn't he ask his sisters if they mind. If you still think those are their rooms, surely also up to them to decide.

I wouldn’t let my child’s friends stay in their siblings rooms. I don’t think it’s that weird. I hate people in my space and think it feels invasive. For teenage daughters, I wouldn’t want the risk of boys being inappropriate and snooping around. (Obviously that would hopefully not happen, but I wouldn’t take the risk of them being silly together.) I don’t think it’s weird, but I am ND so maybe it bothers me more than others. 🤷‍♀️

I understand the perspective on the sisters' rooms.

Isn't half of the fun of sleepovers them all bunking down in the same room anyway? Surprised he doesn't want either all of them to sleep in his room with the airbeds and main bed, or all on the floor/sofa in the living room. I suspect they'd be best of all in the living room - and you'd probably get more sleep that way as well assuming you're upstairs and they're downstairs!! As a teenager I have definitely done 4 to a double bed - two tops and two tails!

If you can lock the girls' rooms I would, otherwise you may find there is some migration during the night given his stance.

That makes sense if you were at Uni. Most parents will not say their kids have “moved out” if they were just at Uni. Moved out means they are adults who now have their own homes not temporarily at Uni.

If he cba to blow up the airbeds (and put away) there's no way he will strip, wash and dry the spare room bedding and remake afterwards! It's airbeds or nothing, stick to your guns op!

My ds is having a party in a couple of weeks, dd is away at uni but will be home for a few days at Easter. I’ve said nobody in my room, they’re welcome to sleep in her bed but the sheets have been slept on. If they were going to search through her drawers there’s opportunity to do that without needing to be sleeping in her room. So I think YABU.

Because the person who suggested you downsize can’t afford a massive house, so doesn’t think anyone else should have one.

My son had friends to stay at new years whilst we were away. He slept in our bed, so his friends used his and the spare. I wouldn't have made them sleep in airbeds!

If he’s old enough to have friends to stay without adults in the house, he’s old enough to allow his guests to sleep on guest beds surely. You’re teaching your son to be a bad host by inflicting this odd, precious request.

Hullo.

Just an update.

It all went swimmingly.

He negotiated with the sister who still lives at home to take her mattress into the spare room with the sofa bed. He also took his mattress.

So 7 of them (not quite what he said, but hey) slept Overy 2 double mattresses and a double sofa bed. They all bought their own sleeping bags.

They all cleared up immensely well. I also seem to have more alcohol than when we left on the evening before so that's nice.

Someone made brownies in the early hours and left a batch for us and sister.

So all's well that ends well.

What type of brownies😉