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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell her he probably only wants sex

52 replies

Lilllypad11 · 10/03/2024 13:09

My friends been on 5 dates with a guy, they went for dinner every time. He paid 3 times. She’s paid the last two. Anyway, her first issue was, she said she really likes him. He insists he’s enjoyed it enjoying getting to know her. He talks about the fact that a connection with another person is important and that he’s really enjoying dating her and loves they have a great chat and “loves getting to know her” but then he’s said stuff to her like “you do have a fantastic bum” obvs they kissed and apparently he was grabbing a feel. He said “I think there’s a lot of sexual chemistry between us” she said “look I’m not after just sex. I need an emotional connection first” he then said “I completely agree I need to be able to emotionally connect first before I had sex. And when I say that I mean it should happen in its own time naturally. Whether that’s date 10/20 or more” Then he said stuff to her later “of course it would be great to know you in other ways too” she said “I’m in no rush” he said “I’d never push for it. It’s just whenever it feels natural I’m still having a lovely time getting to know you first when we go on dates” etc etc.

she keeps asking me if all he wants is sex and I said I have no idea. The only way she would know is if she ever does get intimate with her. I asked what she talks about on dates. She said it’s not sex it’s work and values etc.

It’s tricky for me to say really? Like should they really even bring up sex at this point. I said he may just be trying to get into your knickers. And he’s not being that subtle about it either.

OP posts:
JMSA · 10/03/2024 23:51

She sounds pretty naive. I say that as someone who is au fait with the modern dating world!
He fancies her and would like to have sex with her. It's not exactly newsflash stuff.

Isabellivi · 26/04/2024 07:38

Wow. So one, sexual chemistry is important and not something to treat as bad. Normal people want the whole enchilada and a guy being sexually attracted isn’t a red flag.

There is no way to get inside this guys head. A wise woman can just tell the amount of investment and interest a man is showing…. I really think you assuming to know what he is thinking is inappropriate.

A guy who isn’t just after sex will
a) seek commitment or some reassurance she isn’t dating other guys
b) talk about future and reveal himself, including his family etc
c) consistently make contact and pursue and set up dates

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