To tell her he probably only wants sex

[Lilllypad11]

My friends been on 5 dates with a guy, they went for dinner every time. He paid 3 times. She’s paid the last two. Anyway, her first issue was, she said she really likes him. He insists he’s enjoyed it enjoying getting to know her. He talks about the fact that a connection with another person is important and that he’s really enjoying dating her and loves they have a great chat and “loves getting to know her” but then he’s said stuff to her like “you do have a fantastic bum” obvs they kissed and apparently he was grabbing a feel. He said “I think there’s a lot of sexual chemistry between us” she said “look I’m not after just sex. I need an emotional connection first” he then said “I completely agree I need to be able to emotionally connect first before I had sex. And when I say that I mean it should happen in its own time naturally. Whether that’s date 10/20 or more” Then he said stuff to her later “of course it would be great to know you in other ways too” she said “I’m in no rush” he said “I’d never push for it. It’s just whenever it feels natural I’m still having a lovely time getting to know you first when we go on dates” etc etc.

she keeps asking me if all he wants is sex and I said I have no idea. The only way she would know is if she ever does get intimate with her. I asked what she talks about on dates. She said it’s not sex it’s work and values etc.

It’s tricky for me to say really? Like should they really even bring up sex at this point. I said he may just be trying to get into your knickers. And he’s not being that subtle about it either.

She doesn't sound like she should be dating if she needs this much affirmation from you when something is making her uncomfortable. If she doesn't like it, as PP said, throw him back. Doesn't make him bad necessarily but they're not clicking.

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I don't think she's ready if she's running everything past op. It's odd

I agree with @DanielGault and @jellyfishbubbles . Hence the suggestion of counselling

She’s been cheated on and comes to me often with dating issues.

Then I suggest as PP said you suggest counselling to her as she's not ready. She can run her whole life past you

No, but equally he doesn't have to keep dating someone who doesn't want to sleep with him.

Sexual compatibility is a hugely important part of a relationship to me, so I probably wouldn't want to keep investing time in someone for more than a few weeks without knowing whether we're compatible.

I’m going againts the grain here, but yanbu.
The grabbing and talking about her backside would be red flags to me.

You sound like a very caring friend btw.

She wants sex. She’s just made it clear it’s not gonna happen without an emotional connection. There’s really nothing wrong with that surely.

No, nothing wrong with that at all, but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with him wanting to progress the relationship. If she doesn't want to do that, then he may choose to walk away. That doesn't mean he was only interested in sex.

She turned around to this guy and said “maybe one day you might have the privilege of having sec with me but it’ll take a bit more time it’s not that easy”

Jesus if a man said this to me I would run a mile!!

It's perfectly fine, but this man is allowed to have his red lines too. It may just be that they are not compatible.

This

Yes, I hate giving relationship advice. I don't know any better. Too much pressure

They are both dating and he is both open to sex and prepared to wait.

When they do DTD it might make them closer, or he might decide they are not as compatible as he first thought. It could go either way.

Doesn't mean he was just after her for sex from the beginning. If he was just after sex there are plenty of women who enjoy sex earlier in relationships or even ONS that he could hook up with.

You could even think if he is just after her for sex and plans to bugger off after it, it might be better to find out sooner before she gets more emotionally attached!

It almost feels as if she's putting too much value on sex representing commitment. People fancy eachother and want to sleep with them, they aren't always thinking of marriage and children and long term relationships at first.
You need to know what the sex is like with someone before you can fully say you want exclusivity surely?
So if I were you I'd say, you like him. Use your instinct, but don't be pressured. It would be bizarre to me if I dated someone and after 5 dates they didn't make it abundently clear if they fancied me or not? I would be wanting sex personally.
But everyone is different. You can't predict if he's marriage material or will ghost her after one shag. So don't bother to try.

Well, he doesn't sound great, to be honest.

Leave them to it.
Stay out of it.
If he's an arse, she'll find out soon enough.
Sounds like he is to me.

Agreed I think these posts say much more about OP then her friend or friend's date

Men (and women) generally don't waste their time having multiple dates with someone if they just want sex. In saying that, there does get to a point where the lack of progression makes it not worth the time.

Yeah ofc. 5 dates is early days though.

It’s not unusual to want sex 5 dates in. And he sounds like he is being respectful and waiting for her to feel ready. Not sure what the issue is.

43% of women have sex on the first date

5 dates in really isn’t early days

It's not too early to show interest in it. It is not a sign that "he only wants sex". A sign of him only wanting sex would have been him not bothering with a 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th date.

Of course he wants to have sex with her. It's not a crime, is it? I don't think you need to concern yourself with it.

I think she isn't ready to date if she is constantly asking you questions.

And I don't think 5 dates is too early to want to have sex. She can have her boundary but he can have his too.

Anyway, her first issue was, she said she really likes him.

Why is that an issue? Am I missing something?