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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset I won't get any family jewellery

43 replies

Nsisyagwv · 10/03/2024 12:26

First of I know I am probably BU but I'm just upset right now

I'm the only grand daughter in my family and it has been told to me since I was little all of the family jewellery would be passed down to me

for some additional info, we're not a rich family or anything like that, but it was like great grandparents engagement / wedding rings, Pearl necklaces that would of been my great great grandmas. A few other bits so nothing hugely valuable, maybe a few thousand pounds. But nice bits of jewellery that belonged to the women in my family.

also to add I don't want this jewellery to sell, I want it as sentimental to keep and pass down to my own daughters

anyway, just been over to see my Nan as she is in ill health and wants me to have the jewellery now before she goes. But it's basically all gone. Just a few pieces of costume jewellery, nothing from my family that is sentimental - like one thing was just a ring she's bought in m&s a couple years that she's never worn

im heartbroken tbh. Shes obviously sold it all (she's had loads of money through her life from inheritance etc and I can't imagine it got her loads of money but she has form for selling whatever she can)

aibu to be upset that all the family Jewellery is gone and I will get nothing basically?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/03/2024 12:28

YANBU to be upset, are you sure it hasn't disappeared ie taken!

MaloneMeadow · 10/03/2024 12:29

YANBU, I’d be really upset by this as well and to be honest do slightly resent the fact that we’re one of those families who doesn’t have many relics to be passed down! No signet rings or anything like that. Like PP’s I’d also be questioning where the jewellery has really gone. Do you have any light fingered family members?

MatildaTheCat · 10/03/2024 12:29

Did you actually ask her about it? Maybe it’s tucked away in a drawer.

Would anyone else have taken it?

DSD9472 · 10/03/2024 12:31

What did she say when you asked her about it? Are you sure other family haven't taken it? Why are you so certain she sold it???

Fuschia01 · 10/03/2024 12:31

Well they were hers to do with as she pleased so YABU

pizzaHeart · 10/03/2024 12:32

I can understand your upset. Are you sure she’s sold it and it’s not disappeared in a different way? Did you ask her about other things she used to have? It’s very strange that everything valuable has gone and only costume jewellery left.

Unfortunatelynoonehaseverknownaboutthis · 10/03/2024 12:34

Well you have made an assumption so YABVU

Just talk to her ffs

HoneyWogan · 10/03/2024 12:34

I wondered too if she might have had visits from other family members who insisted on 'helping her' deal with it.

I suppose, your Nan's wishes notwithstanding, some of the male family members might have felt aggrieved that it would all automatically go to you, when they might have wanted it to go to their wives or daughters (whether currently in existence or theoretical for the future)?

If you say you're not a rich family, but the jewellery is worth 'a few thousand pounds', maybe others feel they should have a share of it too rather than you getting it all, just because it's also sentimental as well as valuable?

I hope you get to the bottom of it, OP.

SheepAndSword · 10/03/2024 12:35

Even though technically it's hers I'd be upset too.

My Aunt stole 2 rings from my grandmother in hospital when she was dying and never gave them back (she was my grandmother's step daughter).

Ask your grandmother.

Scaffoldingisugly · 10/03/2024 12:36

My dgm left all her jewellery to her dd - my aunt.. Who left it to her carer...

SmileyClare · 10/03/2024 12:36

It’s up to your Nan if she wants to sell her jewellery but how odd that she invited you round specifically to give you her jewellery “before she’s gone” if she’s just giving you a couple of newish pieces of costume jewellery.

Keep perspective though.
Memories of your nan aren’t held in objects.
If you want something sentimental (and don’t care about monetary value) to keep as a memory, perhaps ask her for another belonging- a treasured scarf, photo album or something x

xsquared · 10/03/2024 12:38

You are not being unreasonable to be disappointed and upset given you were verbally promised them. However, they were her jewellery to do what she pleased with them and she doesn't owe you anything.

You said that yore basically getting nothing when she's got other bits and pieces, so surely there must be something else she's offering you can keep as a memento.

HoneyWogan · 10/03/2024 12:41

SmileyClare · 10/03/2024 12:36

It’s up to your Nan if she wants to sell her jewellery but how odd that she invited you round specifically to give you her jewellery “before she’s gone” if she’s just giving you a couple of newish pieces of costume jewellery.

Keep perspective though.
Memories of your nan aren’t held in objects.
If you want something sentimental (and don’t care about monetary value) to keep as a memory, perhaps ask her for another belonging- a treasured scarf, photo album or something x

Yes, that does seem a bit odd. Depending on how well she is, she might not have realised that there was much less than there was previously. Or it might be that, to her, just because it's costume jewellery and/or not the things that go way back, it still holds some memories and is/was at one point loved by her? Even the M&S ring: presumably she bought it because she liked it and wanted to own it?

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 10/03/2024 12:42

I voted you were being unreasonable as I don’t understand why you didn’t ask her where the specific pieces you were expecting to see were. She’s hardly squeamish - she’s wanting to give jewellery to you before her health declines irrevocably so why on earth can’t you ask her where the family bits you were anticipating are?

SmileyClare · 10/03/2024 12:43

Why are so many people implying jewellery has been stolen?

Does your Nan not have cognitive function- dementia or something? I can’t see why she would promise you antique family jewellery, invite you over to give it to you and then not mention that its missing? Confused

Its strange you didn’t have an actual conversation with her today about it?

..something non accusatory like - thanks for this ring Nan, I’d love to see your engagement ring from grandad, or have you given that to someone else now?”

Original poster
Nsisyagwv · 10/03/2024 12:44

I am almost 100% sure no one has taken anything. She is still completely mentally competent so if things were missing she would be aware of this. Also, on that side of the family it's only my dad, me and my brother and neither of them visit her and no other family / friends who visit. It's just me that goes over.

the posters asking why I haven't asked, i suppose it's because of as some other people have said, none of those times actually belonged to me. They were here to do with as she likes, so asking about them seems pointless and uncomfortable

also I know people think it's odd to jump strait to thinking she's sold them, just trust me she has sold anything of value she's ever had over the years. I suppose it was naive of me to think she wouldn't sell the jewellery too

OP posts:
Toblerbone · 10/03/2024 12:45

Oh OP I would be really upset about this. I have jewellery from both my grandmothers and my great aunt, it's not worth much but it's so important to me.

Mementomorissons · 10/03/2024 12:47

This happened with me and my DGM had dementia, but I was too removed geographically to get to the bottom of where it went, but I think she gave it all away rather than sold it.

TBF I think this was your birthright because it was family heirlooms from previous generations, so yeah YANBU to be upset, but nothing can do done now.

daliesque · 10/03/2024 12:52

Why are so many people implying jewellery has been stolen?

Because some bastards in some families do steal,jewellery from elderly female relatives. My aunt stole nonna's wedding and engagement rings as she lay dying in the next room, all to keep them from my other aunt. The other aunt then stole silver candlesticks to stop her sister getting them.

Neither of them got the bulk of the jewellery though as my fabulous nonna had already given it to my dad for my sister and me. I'm still wearing her favourite ring which is the one my grandad brought back from a trip,to France and gave to her for their 1st wedding anniversary in 1922.

SmileyClare · 10/03/2024 12:55

Assuming your Nan knows what she’s doing, it’s a bit insulting to expect you to believe a couple of bits of costume jewellery she’s making great ceremony in “handing to you” are actually family heirlooms!

Did she frame it this way? I’d be more upset that she expected you to believe that.

It would have been better if she was honest about losing/ selling them or whatever!

Mumof2teens79 · 10/03/2024 12:57

I don't understand why she invited you over to give you the jewellery before she gets too ill, if she has sold it?

I am not expecting much of anything to be passed down. We have never been rich so most of the jewellery I may have seen as a child is probably costume and less than 100yrs old.

VestibuleVirgin · 10/03/2024 13:01

Expect nothing in life and you won't be disappointed.
Stuff is a bonus

SmileyClare · 10/03/2024 13:07

Assuming she sold it because she wanted/needed the cash then it would have been far better if she’d been honest about that. Particularly as she’s been promising you these family heirlooms since you were a child.

She may have thought you wouldn’t notice, perhaps she’s embarrassed?

It was very generous of you to go along with it and not say anything. That was a kind thing to do.

Phoebefail · 10/03/2024 14:22

Jewelry from an earlier generation I think becomes part of the family story, whilst it is a stretch to say we only have custody of it for the future generations. It should be kept together if possible.
We face a similar problem over some pottery. More trouble to store and transport than lockets and rings.

dottiedodah · 10/03/2024 14:28

Maybe it's been mislaid .can you have a good look.if she did sell ,it's disappointing but just as it is .have a thorough hunt first though

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