Mother's day is no fun for single mums

[motheringglumday]

I've had 14 Mother's Days as a mum. The first was when I was in an abusive relationship with ex where life carried on as usual with me doing everything and him being vile to me. Then I left.

Since then, I've had to make sure my own mother - who has been a pretty shitty mum - has a nice day while one of my siblings is permanently absent and the other occasionally shows their face. I never get a day that I don't organise.

I wonder if I will ever have a day that feels special.

I'm sure lots of other mums are in the same boat today.

Hugs to you OP, that must be so hard.

Are your DC not old enough to organise you a card and gift? Bring you a cup of tea in bed?

I hope there are some nice Mother’s Day’s in future for you.

Thanks FFRC4th.

DC in theory old enough but at the selfish teen stage.

Every day is no fun as a lone parent.

14 years here too. But OP please do something for yourself today.

Leave the asshole teen for a hour and go for a walk/coffee

I'd book a nice meal for you and kid and maybe cinema.

Just go and do your own thing. On another thread someone said put your oxygen mask on first.
You don't have to sort out your mum. Just do something for yourself

I've had 21 of them, and they do get better the older they are. My boys could be knobs when they were younger! But we agreed that I didn't need chocs or flowers, but for them to do something nice and dinner as a family. I've had alsorts, a cupboard assembled, brekkie in bed, grass cut. Today, my youngest who is at Uni now hid a pressie in his room last time he came up. They just need a bit guidance! 💐

All this excuse making for teenagers who haven’t been arsed today. I NEVER ignored Mother’s Day as a teen. Nor did my brother or any of my friends. Stop excusing it, pandering to them and grow a backbone and tell your kids to stop being so fucking selfish and self-centered.

Maybe teens, like me, think it's a completely stupid made-up day and don't want to pander to the overcommercialised nonsense?

Blimey it's got worse than Christmas!

From tween age my kids have always made a fuss of me, and now in her early 20s my daughter is in the kitchen cooking me a fancy lunch.

I feel you. Although I'm married and my husband didn't bother to get up with the kids because he 'dreamt he got up with them' 🙄 my 2, 5 & 7 year olds made me cards at school so that was perfect, but bit annoyed he's had lie ins for the past 2 weekends and couldn't allow me today.
But when they get older they should get better op, regardless happy mothers day & you're doing a wonderful job 💐

I'm sorry you're not having a good day.

Best way to deal with all celebrations as a single parent is to do nice things for yourself and not have expectations.

I've had a card, which I don't always get but my beautiful boy did a drawing inside for me and it means the world because that's what he wanted to do and shows his effort. We're just chilling out. He's playing his games. I'm having a lie down and watching TV. I bought some nice food. Might watch a film. It's all good. I've never had a lunch out or anything fancy but it's like valentine's and all the commercial nonsense...it doesn't mean anything.

I do think they need guidance. My bestie had a rubbish one a few years ago and (with my encouragement) told them very firmly how their complete non effort made her feel. It's improved since.

Do something for yourself.

You’re not being unreasonable for wanting a special day - but it’s not because you’re a single mum!

My DDs have given me the cards made at school, DH has barely acknowledged the day (I’ll nudge him this evening to make sure he’s sent a message to his own mum).

Maybe they should just put their opinion of Mothers’ Day to one side and put their mum first. Like she does with them 24/7/365. If my aggressively anti commercial son can get it together to buy and post me an appropriate card, anyone can.

I agree with you. My DC’s didn't make any effort one year.

I didn't spooky my day on MD by pulling them in to line but sat them down a couple of days later and talked with them about how unappreciated they made me feel.

I set out expectations ( nothing major, time together, a card). In other words some ‘effort and thought’.

They've always followed this.

Children need expectations, accountability and responsibility if they are to grow into caring adults.

It is part of my job as their parent to guide them towards this.

I don't think it's acceptable for a teen to opt out on commercialisation grounds unless they will forgo Christmas presents for the same reason.

Homemade card is free.

Set boundaries you are not obligated to your mum. Next year send her a card and go out with your DD. As a single mum I've learnt to create my own happiness and that has meant doing things on my own and not waiting on friends! It's done me good. Happy Mothers day to you all..🥰

I would have been really disappointed in my 2 if they didn’t do anything. Dd is older and I have made sure ds doesn’t put it all on her now he is old enough.

Unfortunately, my mum is fine. So no obligation there.

Mother’s Day isn’t rubbish for single mums. It’s rubbish when the people who should and can show some appreciation, don’t. Maybe at some point have a word with your child?

YANBU about the challenges of being a single parent.

You didn’t and don’t ‘have to’ do anything for your mum: you may have fear, obligation and guilt (FOG).

crap that the DC are being crap: one option is to tell them off! another is to do nice things for yourself.

If your mum was shitty why make her day special? You’re not obliged to!!

Maybe it is, but if your mum does everything for you and wants a cheap bit of card and a bit of acknowledgement and appreciation then just fucking do it. It’s not hard. Stop excusing these teenage waste of spaces that will no doubt kick off if their mothers decided not to pander to Easter, Halloween and Christmas activities and presents. We are raising yet another generation of spoilt, selfish twats and teaching them it’s okay not to give a shit about anyone else but themselves quite frankly.

I have voted you are unreasonable because you really don’t need to be running round after your mum. Different if you are close abd you want to but don’t put satisfying her at the cost of being happy yourself.

teenagers are self centred but you should make it clear that you expect a card and a cuppa and a little bit of appreciation. If it isn’t forthcoming I’d be saying something. I’d also be putting on a film or something and getting some snacks and chilling today. It’s not possible as a single parent with small kids but with a teenager you can put yourself first occasionally.

im sorry you’re having a rubbish day.

And, OP, if you don't want to do it for yourself so they are nicer to you, do it so they will be nice partners in the future. We know teenage brains need time to mature to develop their empathy, but it is good to guide them. My two boys absolutely know how to treat me with kindness on Mother's Day. I've had breakfast in bed, the washing has been taken care of by the eldest, who is 15, and the 14 year old is cooking a roast dinner later. It's hard to ask them to do something nice for me when there isn't another adult to guide them, but I think it's really important as I want them to be considerate partners in the future. (I grew up with a single mum at home and never ignored it either.)

I am having a nice lazy day watching netflix and eating nice things. I gave my mum her present a few days ago. Teenage son in his room. I am enjoying having a lazy day. Usually I would have to be at my mum's because my sister lives away. But decided I am going to start being selfish as have had 15 years of putting everyone else first.

I feel you, single mum here to two. Currently in a&e with my eldest (7) had to find someone to look after my youngest. Go and do something for yourself today it’s only afternoon, or order your favourite take out if you can xxx

I agree with the other posters, you need to TELL your child to do something and don't just label them as selfish teens.

I'm a single mum to 2 teens, they know as a minimum I expect a nice homemade card from them.

This year I let them know I fancied an afternoon tea at home. One made the scones and the other did a cup of tea and a fruit salad.

Tonight I have set a time for us to sit together for a movie. We are very open about our expectations of each other and it means I am guaranteed a nice day.

You absolutely need to make this happen and do NOT let your teen get away with being so lazy at your detriment. You deserve way better.