Mother's day is no fun for single mums

[motheringglumday]

I've had 14 Mother's Days as a mum. The first was when I was in an abusive relationship with ex where life carried on as usual with me doing everything and him being vile to me. Then I left.

Since then, I've had to make sure my own mother - who has been a pretty shitty mum - has a nice day while one of my siblings is permanently absent and the other occasionally shows their face. I never get a day that I don't organise.

I wonder if I will ever have a day that feels special.

I'm sure lots of other mums are in the same boat today.

I agree with this. I can't imagine ignoring my dm's birthday as a child. Even when my oldest ds was an absolute nightmare as a teenager, he was first down the stairs with his card and gift.

This! Mine never ignored it and my Grandchildren don't ignore their Mums.

Believe me OP many non single parents are having an equally unremarkable day. Many threads about women whose partners are oblivious or actively disengaged.
It's also crappy when there is someone who could have done a small thing to make your day happier and they don't bother.
Hugs to all the Mums today ♥️

Exactly! I bet all these teens are quite happy to accept birthday and Christmas presents! I think it's mind boggling that people accept this from older teens and adult children.

Me neither. When I was very young it was tea/toast in bed helped by dad, I never forgot Mother's day/Father’s day. It’s not as if it’s not advertised enough!

Disagree. Love being a single mum. No compromises, no one to argue with, do what you like and decide. DGAF about 'mother's day'. Not British, so don't get the obsession with useless cards. My own mother lives in a different country, so just send her a quick text and that's it.

My 6th Mother's day, my first as a single mum. We haven't done anything particularly special, they're 5 and 1. But the bits we have done were lovely, because it's better than my ex forgetting about Mother's day because I'm not his Mother, or the tension and complete lack of care. I was able to decide how we spent the day, what we have for dinner, the atmosphere has been lovely. The kid's drew me a lovely drawing each. Best Mother's day yet.
I did what I wanted, and when the kid's are old enough to be moody teens I'll continue to do what I wanted to make myself feel special and they can tag along if they like 😄 🤣

I'm not a single mum, but have never had a Mother's Day that feels special, because apparently I'm not DH's mother.
Over the years I've learned to make it special for myself (birthdays too).
I save up and buy myself something nice,
Go for a coffee and a cake maybe. I still feel sad about it but it makes it a bit easier. for you OP and all the others whose day hasn't be great today.

I divorced when my children were quite young 4, 6 and 9. Both parties reiterated the points around Mothers/Fathers day, Christmas and birthdays. By the time they were in their early teens they were always on the ball in terms of presents and cards etc. They are all in their 20s now and I don't ever need to remind them.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. If you can show up for them every day, they can get their heads out of their asses to make your day special. Bet they don’t shun days that see them being made a fuss of.

OP, a couple of years ago I had a horrible mother's day, where my teens did nothing. I told them that I didn't want that to happen again, and that I only wanted a card and a nice day.

They haven't forgotten since! I am a single parent and selfish teens aren't acceptable!

Although I'm married and my husband didn't bother to get up with the kids because he 'dreamt he got up with them'

What a prick he sounds, @Macandcheeese. Plan a day/weekend off and leave him to it.

Absolutely do some things nice for yourself!

I’ve been a single mum for nearly 11 years and my DC are now teenagers. It is tricky when they’re younger and I quickly leaned not to compare my day with others being taken out to spas or for lunch etc. Today I had a card they both wrote lovely things in, and a gift I’d mentioned ages ago. I also get limitless hugs on Mother’s Day and my birthday which I enjoyed very much today!

My suggestion is you book to do something nice with your DC next year - tickets to a NT property or a film or afternoon tea somewhere. You deserve a treat!

This has turned into a thread about selfish teens but that isn't the main issue. I did get a card actually, but anything more than that, like organising something to do on the day, and in particular organising for my mother to have a nice day falls to me. The main annoyance was about that falling on me and me not being able to have a day I enjoy. The teen being a reluctant participant is just the icing on the cake.

People have pointed out that you don't have to do that for your mum, given the circumstances.

The things you can change are:

• opting out of taking responsibility for your mother's experience of Mother’s Day.

and

• making it clear to your DD that you expect some input from her in future. Together plan a coffee out, or something else not too demanding on her as a teenager. Ideally find something you would both enjoy. So she is taking an active role but a small one. Hopefully it can grow from there.

I'm sorry you've had a shit day OP here virtual and oh go on I'll push the boat out for you !
Next year, get yourself a book or download a film or visit a cinema and some chocs and go on strike for the day; let your lumpy teen sort own meals, washing and other shite out.
Also keep off social media if you're on there as most of it is utterly contrived nonsense.
I don't know if it helps, but my dh never does Mothering Sunday for me, because I'm not his mother although sometimes I bloody wonder. I put flowers on my mums grave today though, I don't go very often as I dunno I don't really like going, but I wanted some quiet, thoughtful time, my dc (teens) surprised me by wanting to come .... so much for some quiet time😁.
As cliched as it sounds, I'm sure your teen loves you, and I think teens can be just as influenced by social media, as us adults, according to my dd 'mothering Sunday is commercial bollocks' <<<<< straight off whatever social shite she's been watching!

Just seen your update, so you organised something for your own mum, but no one organised anything for you? Awww yeh that sucks I can see that. I still think you should indulge yourself next year and leave everyone else to sort themselves out!

Single mum here to 16 year old and 8 year old oldest took youngest to the local shops yesterday an bought me some chocs a card (birthday card but yay) and mum cup without any prompting about mothersday, first time they have done it so just that alone makes it extra special for me the birthday cards which have had the happy birthday crossed out and replaced with mothers day sit proudly on my fireplace I will keep them forever.

As long as mine (4 of them) say Happy Mother's Day (by text) then I am cool with it. They haven't got much money, I don't like the commercialism around it. I tell them to save their hard-earned cash so there is no pressure. I do buy a card and a token bottle of wine chocs flowers for my own mum who is a lot older. Everyone is really different on these days, but mine do really appreciate me every so often and say that they are so thankful that I am their mum and how much they love me, it is enough for me. I know that if I was in any sort of bother they would properly help. I suppose my post is "it isn't about one day" and don't feel bad, kids forget, kids are careless, it doesn't mean anything. xx

Do less for your crappy mum and more for yourself.

And teach dd that gestures of love are reciprocal.

I agree whole heartedly with @pootlin , do less for your mum and more for yourself.

I always do something nice with my mum for mother's day and in return my mum always chivvies my kids, last year my eldest DC put a sarcastic message on my card, he was told directly that this was not welcome and I set out my expectations for future. He did better this year, but again I reminded him of my expectations beforehand (a card, an inexpensive gift and be kind all-day ie no arguments with sibling)

I used to enjoy my mothers days with just me and my elder two. I think your problem is really your own mother, TBH. Opt to spend the day with just your DC next year. Make arrangements. Even a budget weekend (Saturday night) away,

This Mother's day was a bit of a non-event here too but I didn't have issues with my mum (long passed) .

ds(15) has the worse head cold ever, so flopped around the house being pathetic, clutching a tissue.

His German exchange partner arrives on Friday so I spent the day cleaning, hoovering, changing beds, batch cooking, and repainting the bathroom, newly installed last week.

I treated myself to a bunch of pink tulips and had an extra 30 mins in bed. Oh well, it could be worse! 🙂

Eh? I've been a single mum for years and my kids have never forgotten to do something nice for Mother's Day. This year, one is across the other side of the world and another the other side of the country. They've still managed to organise themselves to send me a card and both messaged to wish me a nice day . That's enough for me. Being a single mum is ace most of the time.
And yeah, I also have a shitty mum so I spend no time whatsoever making her day better.