Rumours from high school 10 years ago are affecting friendships

[swaq]

My friend has a friend, who works with someone I went to school with.

My school was brutal and there was loads of rumours about loads of people.

The one her friend has heard is that "I gave oral sex to someone in the toilet". It's not true. I had a lot of girls who just didn't like me

I did really well in exams and went to uni to do law. This created a lot of jealously amongst girls.

The girl my friends friend worked with was very jealous I did better in her chosen subjected. There was a group chat about me too just being super nasty about me and one girl replied "you can't just hate someone because they got better exam results than you" and that ended the chat.

What on earth do I do? It's over 10 years ago. It's also not true? I have no energy. I genuinely can't believe this person even remembers it yet felt the need to say it, especially in the jobs they have. (They've to be role models to young people)

I'm just waiting on the other rumours that I attempted suicide, slept with a teacher, was pregnant every year and my best friend (female) and I were in a relationship to be brought up too.

The way this was said between the women too is so silly. She felt she had to tell my friend so she knew.

We're almost 30. The girl who told her is 30.

Imagine how boring their life is to still be harping on about you 10 years later?

Personally, if your mentions it again, just laugh off. You know it's not true and yes it's ridiculous but if the right people hear that this bothers you, then it will never end.

I am afraid I'd have to stop being friends with someone so pathetic . They enjoy gossip about things that were rumoured 10 years ago when you were children and then repeat it to you.

@Tagyoureit I did laugh it off but my friend is so upset someone spoke badly of me and wants to talk to her. I said don't be ridiculous let it go. She's really protective over her friends which is super sweet but I was like this is a very silly thing let it go.

How depressing that they haven't grown up. Can you ask your friend to just leave it you've moved on you don't want to hear about the mean girls.

@jellyfishbubbles yeah that's what I've said to her. I'm not bothered and it's pathetic let's not get caught up in the back lash that could come of speaking to this person. She's not changed we will be in some embarrassing argument.

It's shocked me people are still in the mentality of teenagers.

Really confused, I thought this was upsetting you and your friend was enjoying stiring it. Your friend needs to not engage with it and back off from her other friend if she continues.

Just get the friend to say you were horribly bullied by people spreading rumours and maybe that's what prompted you to go into law, as these days you know how to deal with slander. 😒

I cant imagine being the slightest bit interested in gossip from 10 years ago

You need to speak to your friend and explain you don't want it all dragged up because if she acts on it, it give the shit stirrer satisfaction!!

It is highly annoying, I know, but your friend will make the situation worse.

I just wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone who spreads rumours about other people. To me thats someone frozen as a child. Even now tbh if someone starts edging towards bitchy comments about other people I distance myself from them. Unless someone does something outright dreadful (think criminal) I’m not talking about people behind their backs.

I think this is perfect :)

Hopefully your friend has the measure of this other friend and will keep her at arms length.

It's sweet your friend is upset on your behalf but you are right, she needs to let it go. It's just stupid kids rumours, that have literally no bearing or impact on your life now. The fact she's ruminating on it like this makes me wonder if there's more to it for her, like it's reminded her of her own school memories in an unpleasant way?

I'm sure people believe rumours about me in the very small rural town I live in. I know what's true & what's not true & that allows me to rise above it. Integrity is important to me, so I act within my value system. Anyone who knows me, or gets to know me would soon realise that the rumours are untrue.

Truth will out, don't even bother to defend yourself.

YABU to be bothered by this at all.

It would make me laugh to think their lives are so dull they're clinging to the school rumour train still.

I'd tell your friend the truth - you weren't very popular at school as you worked hard and wanted to do well.

Like you said, you're almost 30. Grown adults. What is there really to do? This isn't high school anymore.

@MakeItRain I love that haha

I'm so glad all the comments here are saying how embarrassing it is. The way it was said between the two women seemed like it was genuinely interesting and relevant today

I did explain I was badly bullied and she was too but never rumours made about her

Instantly she told her friend that's not true she knows me very well. I've told her loads of details of my life etc. it's very out of character etc.

The worst part is they work in a high school. It's reminding me a lot of teachers we had at school. One pe teacher would get the girls (the ones who made the rumours up) and get them to tell her all the gossip of our year ..

@lap90 I know. I haven't thought about high school or anyone in it for years. It's scary some still do or even remember details of ridiculous lies.

@cheapskatemum we also are from a small town. Both the women still live in it. But even then something from 10 years ago isn't interesting. That's what's so strange.

I think this can sometimes happen when people never move away from their little town and their schoolfriends so are still wrapped up in high school dynamics. Like you or anyone else should or would give a shit about what you were up to ten years ago.

Ignore. Anybody still repeating stupid rumours from school is embarrassing themselves.

I'd just say, oh the thing about me sucking off a guy in the toilets...it was actually the headmaster. Then burst out laughing.
What a load of utter cretins.
I would not talk to people who act 13 when they're in their fourth decade.

The absolute best thing to do is like the royal family- don’t complain, don’t explain.

By trying to deny it, or make justifications it only draws more attention to it and looks as if you are trying to defend yourself about something that may have a grain of truth. Obv it’s not true but that’s what it will look like. Laugh at it is by far the best policy. Those who like you and know you won’t believe it anyway and those who don’t like you will choose to believe it even when confronted with evidence it’s not true. People believe the things they want to believe- it’s called confirmation bias.

Pity them for having such sad pathetic lives that bitching about school is their only entertainment. Imagine what they could actually achieve if they put the same effort into their own self development eh? More fool them. These kinds of people get absolutely nowhere in life and that is their own “punishment” sadly.

I also think this. My husband has some friends like this, he grew up in a a small town, they all married locals , work local, never moved away , still socialise together in the same places, school shit still makes the headlines and they are 20 years older than the op.

i mean even if you did who cares if you blew someone in the loo, shagged your mate or whatever unless underage or forced.

its a small town insular mentality some develop.

The person in question is not a girl but a woman of 30 and to be dragging up teen myths of what happened at skool...is quite frankly an idiot best to be ignored and the comments treated with the contempt they deserve.

Can I suggest you transcend these miserable and limited people and move on? You will better off. You will never gain their approval and you should not try.