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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lurking man, should I report the odd behaviour?

53 replies

deeplyspanish · 07/03/2024 22:38

So I live on the outskirts of a small city, residential area.
DH works from home, I work part time and study so we're both around a lot during the day and our house looks out onto the main road through our area.
For the last few months we've noticed a man who is always hanging around the area. He's there when the kids go off to school and is there until 5/6pm.
He has 3 different vehicles that he drives, alternating daily, sometimes swaps vehicles during the day. He parks nearby for short spells, drives 5ish times round the block, then parks in a slightly different space, sometimes right outside my house. Occasionally, he'll be there when I open my bedroom curtains and immediately drive away, only to return 10 minutes later.
He also parks a bit further away, then walks round and round, lurks near my garage, lingers in neighbours drive ways, looking around constantly. Always wearing a cap and shades.
One of his vehicles has blacked out windows, and he'll sit in the back seat for hours.
When he drives round and round He's often on his phone and almost knocked DH off his bike the other day.
WTF??? Other than the phone thing (that I have no proof of in terms of photo evidence), he's not technically doing anything illegal or anything, but it's freaking me out and pissing us off!
The odd thing is that he seems to stick to office hours. I've never been a regular hour kind of worker so I don't think this is to do with me or my family but is he stalking someone who works nearby?
The question is, do I 101 and report this or am I being a Karen and just getting narked by an innocent (although weird) man??

OP posts:
Collywobblewobbles · 07/03/2024 22:40

No harm in 101.
Better if you can provide the registration plates & a description

Justwaveandsmile · 07/03/2024 22:45

No harm in a 101, keep a diary too & log registration numbers. Could you also put a camera up / camera door bell maybe?

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/03/2024 22:46

I’d log it with 101.
(And stop saying “Karen”)

deeplyspanish · 07/03/2024 22:47

Thanks, I've taken photos. He'll definitely know its us if anything comes of it, as we're quite open at eyeballing him and watching him drive in circles!

OP posts:
deeplyspanish · 07/03/2024 22:49

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/03/2024 22:46

I’d log it with 101.
(And stop saying “Karen”)

Sorry, didn't quite know how else to describe it. Apologies to all named Karen!

OP posts:
JellyIegs · 07/03/2024 22:52

I would log this with 101 I think, perhaps a patrol car could pass by occasionally (if patrol cars still exist!).

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2024 22:53

deeplyspanish · 07/03/2024 22:49

Sorry, didn't quite know how else to describe it. Apologies to all named Karen!

If he's not a drug dealer I'd say it was odd and I'd log it either way.

KeeeeeepDancing · 08/03/2024 07:43

Trust your gut instinct.
Report his behaviour to the police.

Datgal · 08/03/2024 07:46

It's weird if he knows you're watching and carrying on doing it .. probably doing nothing wrong.

shoppingshamed · 08/03/2024 07:50

This is absolutely made for your local Facebook group, can you do an anonymous post to ask if anyone else has noticed or knows what he might be doing

Good that you have photos, keep on taking them and no harm in calling 101 even if they don't do anything now it might help if something happens in the future

Namechangeywangeyhangey · 08/03/2024 07:52

Private detective? A not very good undercover officer? - having access to three different vehicles is odd for a drug dealer I would have thought, they usually have people working for then to do the drops if they are able to afford it.

I don't know if there is jury protection anymore for cases involving gangs. Just thinking of my dad who commented on why there were men in car constantly down a road when he was a child - turned out one of the neighbours was a jury for a Kray trial.

NetballHoop · 08/03/2024 08:01

He'll be a private detective. A friend of mine does this kind if thing when hired to spy on a cheating husband/wife or someone fraudulently claiming disability benefits.

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/03/2024 08:06

Is he close enough to get a WiFi signal?

48wheaties · 08/03/2024 08:07

I was thinking Private Detective, or he´s lost his job and hasn´t told his wife!

WaltzingWaters · 08/03/2024 08:15

Report it. Could be nothing. Could be something to do with his job. Could be a drug dealer. Could be stalking someone. Could be worse. No harm in reporting just so they have it on file if anything awful does come up.

CORPSICLE · 08/03/2024 08:26

agree sounds like private detective but obviously not a very good one!

Lurkingandlearning · 08/03/2024 09:08

Could your husband politely ask him? Say he knows the guy isn’t doing anything wrong and that it’s not really his business but curiosity has won. If the man is carrying out surveillance of some sort he might appreciate knowing his cover isn’t great.

LakeTiticaca · 08/03/2024 09:49

Have you spoken to the neighbours? If he's so obvious other people would have noticed. I would be sending DH out to ask him.what he's up to.
Sounds very suspicious to me

swayingpalmtree · 08/03/2024 09:52

CORPSICLE · 08/03/2024 08:26

agree sounds like private detective but obviously not a very good one!

I also agree- yes, he doesnt sound very effective 😂

Definitely log it with police just in case and get reg numbers

BobbyBiscuits · 08/03/2024 10:00

The fact that he's acting this way does make me think he's a stalker, swapping vehicles, hiding in the back of his car, wearing shades, looking shifty. He could be an incredibly inept Private Detective I suppose? Or he could be scoping the area of for burglary/ car theft. Though if he was doing that surely he'd be a bit more subtle. I'd say email or call 101 and just say he's been acting suspicious. First, check the neighbours don't know him, it would be awful if he was their family member who had MH issues so was acting odd, but was totally innocent! I once saw this right weird looking bloke in my street, told my neighbour and it turned out it was her brother, awkward!

Caramelised98 · 08/03/2024 10:06

Sounds very odd. Sounds as if he is scoping the area. Potentially a burglar, seeing which houses may be empty during the day. I would also report to 101. Definitely seems suspicious

deeplyspanish · 08/03/2024 10:19

Thanks all. I don't think it's drugs, I also thought maybe he'd lost his job and was pretending to work, but it's the different vehicles that confuses me.
Re neighbours, we're the only house with the right angle of view that could see him, but I will check just in case.
We did think about asking him directly, but if he sees us, he immediately drives off, so we never get near him!
It's been going on for a few months now, same pattern - weekdays, work hours, so maybe private detective? Although he's really crap a stealth if he is!

OP posts:
Honeydew19 · 08/03/2024 10:32

Could it be that he’s watching someone suspected of benefit fraud?

Honeydew19 · 08/03/2024 10:34

I think they tend to watch someone/a house for quite a while to gather enough evidence

Sapphire387 · 08/03/2024 10:35

Honeydew19 · 08/03/2024 10:34

I think they tend to watch someone/a house for quite a while to gather enough evidence

Jeez. What an utter waste of resources if this is true. Would cost more in wages of that member of staff than the amount of 'benefits' fraudulently claimed, surely.

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