taking time off work because DH's granny just passed away?

[Upwind]

Just had a call from DH, his grandmother who he was very close to was unexpectedly found dead this morning. He sounds very upset and is on his way home. I am snowed under with work this week, and already behind. Is it reasonable to explain to my boss that I may need time off because a grandparent-in-law has passed away?

Obviously I have no clue about arrangements yet. I also have no idea what I can do to help my in-laws?

if you worked for me I would be pissed off and I'd expect you to take leave, I wouldn't grant you commpasssionate leave.. sorry

Thanks - sort of what I expected! I will take leave though, I need to be there for DH.

Then I think that's perfectly acceptible

don't think many companies would give you compassionate leave, but surely most would understand and allow you to take annual leave (at least for the funeral) but hopefully longer is you need it.

Hope your DH is ok.

Even though it will probably mean missing deadlines?

oh, not sure in that case.. would depend on circumstances at workk

As a boss, I would allow a certain amount of compassionate leave (today and the day of the funeral)

I'd expect any other time to be taken as leave and I'd expect some time to rework project deadlines (If I were you, I would OFFER this - offer to stay late or something to work out how the lte work can be sorted or if there are other members of the team can help)

Just remember, you work to live - NOT the other way around.

Thanks all for your advice, I probably won't be around for a while as I will either be working frantically or with DH!

Hope it goes OK and your DH is OK too.

Thanks again!

As a manager I would allow today off to be with DP and the day of the funeral. Any more and I think it's over the top, sorry but I would.

oh shit and I meant to say how sorry I am, sorry

Message withdrawn

If you were going to miss deadlines I would be a little unwilling to let you have today off to be honest. Funeral, yes. Today - well, he's a grown man and his granny can't have been a young woman, surely?

Sorry if that's a bit harsh - not sure if you were really looking for responses or just musing?

Re the family, I think the boring practical things are the easiest way to offer help. Sorting out cups and saucers for the wake - clearing up afterwards etc.

Thanks again. I spoke to my boss and am working from home now.

margoandjerry - she was elderly but full of life and seemed in exellent health. It must have been a sudden stroke or heart attack and I suppose that is the best way to go.

I don't understand the etiquete around this, my parents' grandparents (and parents actually) died before I was born. I suppose I was musing, looking for advice as to appropriate behaviour at work. I hate it when obligations collide like this.

It's a nasty shock for him, I can see that.

I suppose you have to think in terms of: if someone I really depended on did this, would I understand? TBH if my nanny took a day off at short notice because her husband's granny had died, I wouldn't be very happy.

The letter of law in most workplaces is quite strict about what compassionate leave is for (in my last workplace it covered parents and children but not siblings or grandparents - and certainly not inlaws. That's quite harsh really - I can imagine not being able to function if my sister died but I can see why they limit it).

Where I work now, we don't have it written down but I know it would be frowned upon to take days off for non-blood relatives other than partner.

I think it is reasonable to go home to be with your dh. Where I work you would officially have to take the time off as annual leave, but last year I took 4 days off when my SIL in Ireland passed away and my manager told me not to take it as holiday, just take the time off.

Sorry about your DH's loss (and yours too)

If it's your leave I'd be OK about it. I had to go home from work when DH's nana dies cos I was in absolute bits - she was like a nana to me cos both mine died when I was 19/20.
Can you offer to work extra hours to make up?

I had to take unpaid leave (am a teacher)to attend the funeral of Dh's grandad. Think most places have fairly firm guidelines about how "close" a family member it needs to be to give you paid time off.

Our rule at work for compassionate leave is immediate family only i.e blood relations with exception of MIL/FIL/DP. We would have to take unpaid leave or holiday for any other.

All I'm saying is I would find it odd for a member of staff to be off in the event of their partner's grandparent's death other than for the funeral.

I think Upwind understood that that was my point. I'm sure he is very upset and it is a horrible shock. But from the employer's point of view, Upwind's husband is, they imagine, capable of dealing with this on his own. That's what I would think anyway.

sorry for your loss.

Work policy often doesn't take into consideration that some people may be closer to their grandparents than others are to their parents.

My mum lost her mum when she was tiny and was brought up by her gran. When her gran passed away people at her work didn't appreciate to her it was just like losing a parent.

I hope by explaining the closeness of your husband to his grandparent that your boss is kind enough to appreciate your husband needs your support. I do think you will need to expect it to be taken as either unpaid leave or annual holiday though.