To feel so confused by DH behaviour

[HouseRen]

Every night I put DC (2 and 4) to bed. DH helps a bit but really just gives then kisses. He then goes downstairs and tidies up (20 mins) and then play video games. I can be upstairs for over an hour - 90 mins getting them to bed (2 x v hyper young kids)

I was exhausted today. I work FT and I was begging the 2 year old to go to bed

I was a bit frazzled and snapped at kids. I told DH that it felt unfair he was playing video games while im upstairs for so long and he said he does the tidy every night so its fair. So I said "cool, let's swap then" and he said fine but now is really off with me, not come to bed with me.

I don't understand. Often conversations feel normal but I've done something to cause him to seem annoyed.

Any advice? Should I just be firmer with kids? He's making me feel like a bad mum for not wanting to do bedtime every night.

Do set nights like a PP suggested, means you know which nights you have free for hobby or socialising. Talk to him about it another time when your are both calmer to arrange it

@HouseRen How did you get on tonight?

@arethereanyleftatall a lot of what you say rings true. Though I don't have DH on a pedestal. I find him confusing and unfair. He puts me down a fair bit but actually it is me who makes all the decisions and sorts everything. But I am insecure. And I do make decisions to not upset people. But sometimes I think that's through exhaustion and speaking up is futile so might as well just craxk on

@Thestreets so despite our agreement he went to the gym at bedtime. Came back and the little one was still awake. DH rolled his eyes "you're too soft, I never have these problems if you're out" so I told him to go sort it which he did.

The kids don't mess about for him as much. It's definitely true. They also follow me round the house. DH says my fault that I do all kid stuff as I'm so nice to them that they're so clingy to me

I told him tonight I'm going to leave the house at 6.30 for an hour.

Good for you op re tonight leaving the house. Please follow through with it!

I'm not sure of why he seems proud of the fact that the kids prefer you because you interact with them.

You need to take a child each and put them to bed (I have 2 kids, I sort our daughter out while my husband puts our son to bed). Or you could take it in turns. He can't (or shouldn't argue) with it being fair.

I would suggest going for a long walk/to cafe/pub when he's doing it or you may end up just supervising his attempt at the bedtime routine. Until it becomes an established thing that he does a few times a week.