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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that bringing a dog to a social occasion changes the dynamic

63 replies

Sundaycoffee · 07/03/2024 20:47

Have plans with a friend for a nice lunch and cocktails in a couple of weeks time. She's asked if I would mind bringing her puppy as her partner is now going out for the day.
This would mean changing some of our plans to go to a dog friendly location. I also said it changes the dynamic of the day having a puppy there and she couldn't see how?

I've suggested potentially doing it another day when she isn't tied down with the puppy and we aren't so restricted on where we go (I can't afford to go out all the time, so if I am going I would rather it be just us without having a puppy in tow to mediocre places I wouldn't necessarily choose just to accomodate the dog)
She now isnt happy and I'm wondering AIBU and maybe just suck it up to save the argument.

OP posts:
innerdesign · 07/03/2024 21:33

YANBU, I have a dog (working cocker and she is also a PITA @Lifebeganat50 ! I love spaniels but it comes with the territory) and don't take her anywhere social. Equally I understand why your friend asked, young puppies can't be left. I'd pop round to visit her on the day you'd arranged to meet, but definitely not spend money on a day out that will be ruined. It's similar to if someone wanted to bring their young child, totally changes the vibe.

waterlellon · 07/03/2024 21:34

Yeah. It's like bringing a kid really isn't it

WandaWonder · 07/03/2024 21:40

waterlellon · 07/03/2024 21:34

Yeah. It's like bringing a kid really isn't it

It is nothing like that

Station11 · 07/03/2024 21:43

Say you’d rather wait for a dog free day.

Autienotnautie · 07/03/2024 21:44

YANBU

You want to have some nice drinks and sit and relax and chat. A dog will hinder that. You are polite enough to suggest rearranging when really her partner should rearrange his plans as he was responsible for the dog.

I'd feel miffed to be honest.

SKG231 · 07/03/2024 21:56

Huge dog lover and self proclaimed crazy dog mum and I say YANBU.

I love taking my dog out for Sunday lunch in a pub with my partner after a lazy walk however cocktails and catch up with a girlfriend is a completely different vibe and I get where you’re coming from.

send her a link to this thread and show her people’s opinions.

innerdesign · 07/03/2024 22:05

WandaWonder · 07/03/2024 21:40

It is nothing like that

Show quote history

It is quite, it takes the owner's (/mum's) attention away from the friend they're meeting. It's really hard to have a proper catch up if there's a dog or child there.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 07/03/2024 22:17

It's no different to saying she's bringing her kids along. It totally changes the dynamic and I'd also want to rearrange....

daffodilandtulip · 07/03/2024 22:26

I absolutely adore my dog (more than my own kids if you listen to them) but she's a complete attention seeker. I meet friends for walks etc and take her along but if I was going for a meal/drinks she would be a complete pain in the arse.

graceinspace999 · 07/03/2024 22:27

It changes the dynamic but I’d love it as I enjoy being around a puppy.

I would just be straight with her if you don’t fancy a puppified outing - not unreasonable at all.

echt · 07/03/2024 22:27

Another dog owner here and I never take my dog out socially. It completely alters the dynamic, as would any addition, e.g. child, partner.

Rearrange.

Createausername1970 · 07/03/2024 22:28

Will it even be allowed in the cocktail bar?

Prawncow · 07/03/2024 22:32

You can’t leave a young pup on its own for hours. It’s just not an option. It sounds like her DP was supposed to be at home and now can’t be.

I’d rearrange the meet-up for another date or change it to a coffee and a chat.

WandaWonder · 08/03/2024 03:11

innerdesign · 07/03/2024 22:05

It is quite, it takes the owner's (/mum's) attention away from the friend they're meeting. It's really hard to have a proper catch up if there's a dog or child there.

Show quote history

I agree with you, I think it would change it but I also would not compare a dog and a child

Doglover19 · 08/03/2024 04:16

I have a dog who I have to take everywhere I go and its an absolute pain in the arse. It's like having another child so she would be best to leave him by himself rather than take him everywhere with her.
YANBU it would change the dynamics , my dog will sometimes sit and be quiet but if he sees another dog , a bird , a squirrel or even certain people he would be barking , moaning to go for a wee, a puppy is needy and needs lots of fuss and people love a puppy , you'll have someone at your table every 5 mins to fuss the puppy. Her attention will deffo not be on you and your conversation at all.

HoppingPavlova · 08/03/2024 04:39

YANBU. Reorganise the date so you are not restricted in terms of venue and having to accomodate pooch.

pasturesgreen · 08/03/2024 05:07

Yanbu.

And definitely stick to your guns now, or you'll risk this becoming the default setting going forward and your friend bringing along the dog to all future social occasions.

WorkingLateAgain · 08/03/2024 05:16

I love dogs but wouldn’t take one to a meal with cocktails. That’s strange.

I take my dogs out to a country pub for Sunday lunch with friends but that’s a different vibe entirely.

The fact that the dog is a puppy means they’re going to be excitable and need lots of attention and the toilet often if training etc.

hattie43 · 08/03/2024 05:18

I agree with you OP.

Most of my friends have dogs and we either make plans for specific doggy days eg park / beach / woods and meal in dog friendly pub . Or we have days out , shopping , meal , cocktails without dogs .

As a non dog owner I can understand not wanting a puppy with you , being a puppy by its very nature will mean he / she will get your friends attention . Imo no different to bringing anyone not invited to a gathering , extra friend , partner , child etc etc .

ahoyhoyhoy · 08/03/2024 06:18

I wonder if she’s more upset with her partner and is just taking it out on you? It sounds like she had plans first but he’s gone ‘I’m off out now so you’ll have to take the dog with you’.

Either way YANBU.

menopausalmare · 08/03/2024 06:21

Who on earth brings a dog to a cocktail bar?

hopscotcher · 08/03/2024 06:24

I don't particularly see how it changes the dynamic, assuming that the most important thing is for you to spend time with your friend (as opposed having lunch and cocktails). It sounds as if she's in a bit of a tricky situation on that day and, for a good friend - whilst it wouldn't be my choice for a puppy to come on a social event - I'd accommodate it.

PansyOatZebra · 08/03/2024 06:27

Depends on the dog as to whether the dynamic changes.

One of my dogs is the easiest most chill dog ever and just entertains herself when we go out places. My other dog needs a lot more attention and reassurance when we are out.

BouncerFish · 08/03/2024 06:29

It’s a puppy.

Very young puppies can’t really be left alone without getting distressed. They have to get used to it slowly. She probably has been let down with dog sitting but still wanted to try and keep to her commitment.

Instead, she gets a thread started about her on Mumsnet where others call her strange. Nice.

YANBU OP for choosing not to have a meet up with a puppy. YABU for giving it more thought than that.

HoppingPavlova · 08/03/2024 07:10

One of my dogs is the easiest most chill dog ever and just entertains herself when we go out places.

But the point is your dog can’t go out all places. For instance, your dog could likely go down a local cafe or pub but not a cocktail bar, or nice restaurant. So, it’s not just the dogs personality/temperament that dictates whether dynamics will be changed, it’s bigger than that.