To nkt let son move in

[Aask]

Ds24, out of the blue has asked if he can come and move into mine and my DP's home. I dont know why. My concerns are:

• this could easily become long term


• he has an very loud car which the neighbours have complained about when he visits


• he uses a lot of electricity, staying up late with lights on, gaming etc


• My home is my private space and my privacy. I like to have my own space when Im in my own house

He keeps asking, offered rent, expenses etc. But Im not sure if it would work.

As an adult, why does he want this? I'm assuming he thinks it will be cheaper for him than wherever he is currently. Haven't you asked him what his reason is if he keeps asking?

Is there a particular reason why he wants to move in? (Relationship break up/ financial hardship/ mental health?)

Also if you set ground rules would he abide by them?

He lives with pther famliy members currently so its not cost

Have you asked why he can't rent elsewhere?

YANBU. I assume he works? If he can pay you rent he can afford to house share.

Where does he live at the moment? If he is leaving rented accommodation do you know why?
I'm assuming he's working if he's offering expenses and rent.
It's difficult sharing your home again with your adult child so I can understand where you're coming from.
If this was me I'd need some ground rules in place especially re noisy car and how long this arrangement was going to last but I couldn't refuse if he had nowhere to live.

How many years has it been since he moved out?

Definitely not then. He’s had no experience of living independently and being considerate.

He will revert to childlike chaos.

Do other relatives want him gone? Why?

Just say no . You're not optimistic about it working so don't let it get that far .
I would not tolerate one of those stupid loud cars either as a neighbour so you run the risk of falling out with them aswell especially as they've already complained .

He's an adult . Time to stand on his own feet

You don't sound overly friendly. Have you sat down to chat to him about what's going on?

@HungryBeagle he moved out at 19

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay

Woah. Steady on. Death threats are not cool.

Has he said why he wants to move in? Has he fallen out with the family members whom he’s currently living with? If so, what about? If he’s not been paying his way, for example, you should consider whether you can afford that if he suddenly stops covering his expenses (I know he says that he will).

What on earth was that response all about OP? Rather aggressive to say the least, especially when it's clear that you don't really want him to move in. @Pootlin was just pointing out that she/he doesn't think it would be a good idea, because he's not used to living independently, not that you've created monster or something. Or maybe from that response, the apple wouldn't fall far from the tree if he was??

OP, what the hell 😂

WTF???

Woah! You went from 0-100 there OP

Blimey. Calm down.

You need serious help, OP.
Son definitely should run a mile in the opposite direction.

WTF?????? Utterly unhinged.

Has he said why he wants to move in? Has he split from his partner?

EDIT - nvm, just tell him no. Its for his own good 😬

At 24 ds had just moved out. He was an absolute pleasure to have around... At similar age dd moved back until she got a new place. 2 weeks. No full time dc back longer than a short stop gap imo. And not 1 negatively impacting my life as you describe...

Are you quoting something he would say to you directly?!

To answer you though - of course I'd allow my 24 year old to move back in. If d allow my 54 year old to move back in! ( chances are I won't have to grapple with this one however )

But I view my kids as always having a home with me. However, that moving in would come with the prerequisite that he is a considerate house guest!