Car regret - AIBU

[misskellyb]

I am aware that right now I'll probably get bashed for seeming like a spoilt brat. But I've got bloody car regret.

I just sold my Range Rover Evoque. I'd had it 5 years. I absolutely loved the car for its height and size and all the standard features that came with the car. However, my insurance had gone up drastically at the time of renewal due to the increase in thefts of range rovers and it felt unjustifiable to pay it. It had also been having some problems recently too. And I also no longer needed a diesel. It wasn't doing the car any good with mainly city driving and I was sick of the dpf warning light coming on every month and having to pointlessly drive for miles to clear it!

Whilst the evoque was in a garage having a repair - not dpf related this time - and I was without a car, on a whim I decided to car shop and out of desperation I purchased a new car so I could be back on the road asap.

I've gone for a used ŠKODA Karoq. It is absolutely lovely. So much car for the money. And is a like for like on specification of previous cars I’ve owned. And is a petrol which is absolutely better suited for the minimal miles I cover these days. I checked the ncap score before I purchased which is 5 stars. However, in the time I've been driving around in it I feel so low on the road compared to my evoque and other suvs I have owned, and feel I just made a quick decision without thinking it through. Whenever I park up next to other suvs I panic at the thought of ever having an accident in the ŠKODA and start imagining one of those bigger cars doing some damage. I'm aware how ridiculous I sound but I do suffer with anxiety and ended up down a rabbit hole when I checked the ncap score in more detail and even though it scores 5 stars, the child protection on a Karoq is slightly lower than other suvs and even smaller hatchbacks I’ve owned in my younger years. The Karoq is roughly 79% while others are at 85% and above. I typically in recent years have gone for suv style cars for their size, height and feeling more protected and I’ve come to love crossover and suv vehicles on the whole.

I've had a Nissan qashqui before and a rav4 and I parked up next to a qashqui today and it looked huge and higher in comparison and just instantly regretted not getting another quashqui as I equally loved my qashqui - it was just a tad small in the boot.

I am aware I sound absolutely ridiculous and spoilt. I am extremely grateful to be in a position to be able to drive and have a car - one that I love too (Karoq) - but I can’t shake off the feeling of worry that my children are less protected in this car than other cars I’ve owned in the past, which is stealing the enjoyment from the car.

The kids love the car and were so excited to pick it up. But every time I put them in it I just feel guilty thinking what if something bad happened? I’d blame myself for being so quick to jump without searching for the safest car possible for our family.

Please talk me down from my stupidity. Surely I am being unreasonable here? Any ŠKODA Karoq owners here who can share some positive stories so that I can start enjoying our new car and not feeling anxious and regretful every time I drive us somewhere in it.

TIA

I totally understand what you mean about having to adjust to a different driving position, but I must admit you are being slightly ridiculous. I drive a fiat 500 and large cars like your SUV constantly bully me into the side of the road. People in bigger cars tend to say “it’s safer” when actually you are the problem… nobody needs a car that large unless you are on a working farm or live rurally and actually need a 4x4. I totally don’t see the point in these huge cars that don’t even have 4wd!!

@cocunut i am sorry you feel that way. I can assure you whenever I have been in cars the size of my previous rav4 or cars as small as my previous corsa pre children - I have always been a safe driver.

I don't think bigger cars are the problem. I think it's more who is behind the wheel. This is the worrying thing - when you have someone in a large suv that drives carelessly. This is kind of where my anxiety stems from. Now I'm in a lower vehicle I worry about these kinds of people hitting my car when my kids are in it - A big suv with a big idiotic driver in it. Since having kids I just feel I notice crazy drivers everywhere. Either that or there is more crazy drivers than ever.

I see your point though.

When I was in my 2nd trimester my partner tried to avoid a car that pulled in front of him on the motorway. He missed the car but collided with the central reservation 2 possibly 3 times. They struggled to find a safe anchor point to tow our car off the motorway the external body work was gone. There wasn't a single panel that wasn't severely damaged. If you saw it you would be surprised that it hadn't needed to be turned into a convertible to get us out. We did get out. We walked out and were able to make our own way to a and e.
Inside the car the only signs that it had been in an accident were the deflated airbags.
I had a bruised sternum and possibly a broken rib and we both had mild whiplash. Our daughter was completely unharmed.

In the nicest of ways you are anxious over something that doesn't warrant your anxiety.... Which is of course are the topics that anxiety likes best!

The only people you need to be worried about in a crash are those not in the car provided all passengers and animals are wearing seat belts or restraints.

Something else to consider, there was a more or less piece recently that found that co2 emissions, without changing the number of electric and hybrid cars on the market, would be 30% lower if there hadn't been the huge increase in the proportion of SUVs on the roads!

If you're worried about safety, sign up for an IAM or RoSPA advanced driving course, don't buy tanks that are actively more dangerous for other road users.

You’re welcome. The best thing you can do to keep yourself safe is to make sure your own driving is spot on and you drive defensively. So many accidents could be avoided if people look further ahead and keep their bubble of space around themselves.

if might be worth you getting some advanced driving lessons to help with your anxiety? A lot of them are volunteer run so the costs are pretty low.

I am an incredibly sensible driver and always have been so I feel even without having that extra function on the ŠKODA that I am a reasonably safe driver when it comes to others.

If you’re incredibly sensible then relax, you’re safe.

I don’t worry about my safety at all because I’m a good driver with 20+ years experience.

It’s ok to be scared sometimes, fear keeps you safe.

Slightly off topic but I do not think there should be these massive SUVs on the road. There is a huge imbalance between them and smaller cars.

Tax should be done on vehicle weight rather than emissions.

if I was to run in to a pedestrian or another vehicle from head on, the car will brake itself after a warning to tell me I am too close to another car/person if that makes sense.

Do you drive with your eyes closed?

@Superscientist wow - I am so glad you were all ok after that!

I see your point and thank you for understanding how anxiety works on us.

My eldest is due a new car seat so I've been looking and shopping around and managed to get myself in a panic over that.

The thing that worried me on the child protection on the ncap said that the chest protection in a crash was 'weak' for a child. My anxiety loves to run with things like this.

Thanks for your post.

@ClockworkDisaster

I think what I really need to look at is starting CBT again to be honest. I'm confident in my own driving. It's just other people. If I can't confirm something is 100% safe then my anxiety is running with it. The thing is nothing is 100% safe so as you can imagine its not a great mind set to live in.

My anxiety is just telling me we're only safe in a bigger vehicle with the best child protection. Realistically no car has 100% child protection - well it's just not possible. And my rational mind keeps trying to remind myself of that. That nothing can or ever will be 100% But Because that is how anxiety works unfortunately it takes over a rational mind. I've noticed since I've stopped cbt my anxiety has started to spiral and branch to new areas. And I think a change in vehicle has triggered me. Especially after having my last car 5 years.

One of my children is neurodivergent and I have been exploring the possibility that I may be too. Because big changes can trigger neurodivergent people and it seems it has for me. Luckily I've filled my form in but I'll have a long wait. It may be that the sertraline I'm taking for anxiety isn't the best medication if I am neurodivergent.

@RoseNy only when I'm tired.

I think you would be better getting help for your anxiety rather than worrying about the 6% difference in reviews.

@PlipPlopChoo it would actually be great if everyone drove the same size cars and drove sensibly and legally wouldn't it?

With all the electric cars and driverless cars in the future, who knows!

@notacooldad

I fixated beyond the 6%
The chest protection said 'weak'
The word weak made my head absolutely spin. Then my mind ran off to endless possibilities with a possible collision with a bigger vehicle.

But yes you a right. I'm going to try and re-refer for CBT. I need my rational mind to beat my anxious one.

@notacooldad and the thing is my anxiety hasn't just stolen my ability to enjoy a new car. It steals my ability to enjoy anything because of the worry anxiety causes.

It's horrible to live with. Always afraid to make steps forward that are positive because negativity from anxiety steals it all!

Hmm. Yes, in head-on collisions the lower car has a higher risk but those stats are largely on a population level. I also believe they've been mitigated in recent years because regulators have required design changes - e.g. the infamous "cowbars" that made big SUVs so dangerous are largely gone. Also, SUV-type cars carry risks of their own, like being much more prone to roll-overs.

I bought a Karoq about 6 months ago and I love it and feel very safe in it. DH drives a VW Up! and I really don't like driving it, even in town; there's no way that I would drive it the 20 miles to my office on the motorway. The Up! actually has better safety ratings than the Karoq, but I know which I would rather be in if I had an accident.

Bigger SUVs aren't typically the cars I see being driven unsafely but rather it's standard cars, particularly young men in Audi A3s and BMW 1 series.

*@notacooldad and the thing is my anxiety hasn't just stolen my ability to enjoy a new car. It steals my ability to enjoy anything because of the worry anxiety causes.

It's horrible to live with. Always afraid to make steps forward that are positive because negativity from anxiety steals it all!

I agree about anxiety being horrible. Mine comes through in waves ( bloody menopause!) Please try and get support. It's not nice living half a life.
I am taking meds which I was adamant I would never do. I can't believe how much better I feel. I am definitely feeling happier and calmer and enjoying things again.
I hired a Karoq on holiday and loved it. I am used to having bigger cars and the Karoq was in my top 3 choice of new cars. I went for something else in the end but that was due to reasons not connected with safety or features etc.

My ŠKODA Karoq was one of my top 5 cars. I wanted a higher car because of ease of getting in and out with a bad back. I loved that car and I wish I hadn’t sold it. It had bells and whistles and I loved the extra touches. It came second only to the two Audi TTs ( which I’d struggle to get into and out of now)

This.

It’s a very selfish post. Particularly for those who maybe can’t afford a “safer” car for their children.

You're being ridiculous. SUVs are people killing machines, and have no place outside of farms. Why not get some exercise and save the planet, and use public transport/walk/cycle, seeing as you live in a city. Might help your anxiety to. Set a good example to your kids, do you not want to preserve the planet for them.

Any SUV will fold like a paper cup when hit by a lorry, irrespective of NCAP ratings.

We had a bad crash in our Skoda Karoq a couple of years ago. It held up really well considering the force. We replaced it with another Skoda because of how impressed we were.

Climate change is a bigger threat to your kids than being in a small car. Tell yourself that you are protecting them by making a slightly less damaging choice of vehicle.

I am aware I sound absolutely ridiculous and spoilt.

Small mercies.