Please vote for me at the next GE

[DistinguishedSocialCommentator]

This is a light-hearted thread. My aim is to help many see the light re politics

I've been called a "Tory...."

Therefore, I will let the cat out of the bag.

I'm an Independent wants to be and may stand at the next GE

My manifesto:

To increase all benefits for those in and out of work.

Throw money at the NHS

Pay nHS staff a one off 30% pay rise and a rise of inflation plus 6% for the next five years

Get more police officers

Increase teachers pay

Increase defence spending

Stop the boats within 48 hours

Tax cuts for all earning less that 500k a year

Raise IHT to 2.7 million

Help first-time buyers

Reduce stamp duty on first homes

Retain the stamp duty on second homes etc

NHS dentist for all within 3 months and Free at the point of provision for no cosmetic work, essential work

50% discount on all EV vehicles

Reduce road tax

Spen 3 billion on our crumbling roads

Train more doctors and other NHS staff

Increase defence spending to 3% of GDP

Improve social housing

Free university education for all

No tv licence of all

No one should work more than 30 hours a week if they do not want to

Speed up the judicial system

More rights for all British citizens

Reduce the number of MP's to 69.

Shut down the House of Lords

Free school meals for all children

A free laptop for all schoolchildren

Ensure all gun and knife crime criminals are locked up for 36 months minimum caught the first time with a weapon and left on the second

Make Britain a world leader and regain our first world status and have the best NHS in the world and the best country to live in the world.

Now, please do not forget to vote for me. LOL

Will I stick to my manifesto once I've been voted in, say yes.

If you feel its a load of BS, then vote no

I never said he was my friend.

I suggest you read the Labour party's manifesto when an election is called and it is published.

If you decide to become an independent candidate only those in your own constituency will be able to vote for you.

Oh and you can't get to number 10 unless you are the leader of the party with the most seats either.

But what will you do for your mates? 🤣

Why should I read a load of BS? I don't trust Labour nor do I trust the Tories. They always set out to win votes by hook or by crook, IE making promises that are often inflated or we all know, promises that will never materialise

So, I'm offering what Tory and Lab voters want.

If I stand at the next GE, I will lead a campaign for everyone in England to vote for me by putting my initials on the ballot paper and an X next to it. I'm guaranteed over 97% of the votes as I have covered almost everything that all idealistic voters want

The voters want it, I give it, it is as simple as that. No false promises from me as I put my country and the people of my country first. Now who else can claim that?

My "mates" are your mates and mates mates. Everyone is my "mate" as I will be looking after everyone's needs and wishes.

I doubt if any party's manifesto will be more BS than that.

You seem to have rather an inflated view of your own importance and potential influence

I would like:
Rain will only happen between midnight and 6am.
No clouds allowed at weekends.
Get rid of GMT, BST only.
Free cheese.
No more potholes.
School buses
A pavement along every road.
Subsidised fish and chips.

Rewild all golf courses and enshrine women's rights and you got my vote!

You've just lost my vote. I was all for the policies in your OP, but You've gone too far with the smoking fines, so I'm out...

And Chinese? That's the killer

Do you ever do anything else apart from start incomprehensible posts?

That sounds identical to the Tory manifesto. After all we didn’t end up with sky high taxes and record public debt through a lack of spending, did we.

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator well let's face it if you aren't getting a sniff of power and so t gave to follow through at all, you can say any old uncosted and populist bullshit to your hearts content- it's clearly Reforms policy -

There’s no Road tax at all, so congrats on achieving one of your objectives so far

You got me at free cheese, @OhYouBadBadKitten 😍

Can you add:

All workplaces to have office pets (preferably cats) for wellbeing
Abolish loud pigeons
A new Bank Holiday to celebrate the joy that is bacon

I think you'd win a few votes yourself with that manifesto!

You found the magic money tree then?

What about social care?

And plenty of truly affordable housing (but NIMBY).

And a free blow dry every Tuesday.

A stiff word with Starbucks about their tax responsibilities should fund all of this. Sorted.

I’m with you Op, great manifesto!

Please add….

1. Social care and mental health service reforms to free up nhs beds
2. Improved rail and bus services to link up uk cities and towns, especially in the north and rural south which are severely lacking.
3. Clampdown on social media use in under 16
4. Massive drive to address domestic violence and take it more seriously, which does not involve the victims going into hiding and instead involves the perpetrators being sent to some deserted island as far away as possible.
5. 4 day working week and 3 day weekend mandatory
6. 2 extra bank holidays.

I'm pretty sure the OP isn't a 'her' @therealcookiemonster

Yes thanks, I have but will need help getting to it in the garden of Labour HQ.

Reading the other posts some really good ideas to add to my pledges
EG

BST for England all year long

Ban vaping and smoking in all public places

Grant NI, Wales, Scotland and Cornwall the independence the many strive for.

Mandatory prison sentences for those who attack our emergency workers.

Ban advertising before the watershed on toys, games and salty and sugary foods.

Nationalise all utility companies

Increase child benefit for the first child and zero child benefit after that.

Make all toll roads and crossings toll free

Build a road across the channel within 4 years

Keep our nose out of other countries' business and not send troops to police for the world.

Ban highly processed foods

Ban foods high in salt/sugar/saturates

Ban all plastic packaging

Ban loud people

Some of your wishes are already spoken for and those that are not, your wish is my command.

Like any good politician and potential politician, I aim to please the masses.

Hands up
You have got me.
You will be one of the 3% that may not vote for me.
I can't stand cats, especially the smell they leave behind.

Sorry about that but I only promise what I know I can deliver

An estimated 24% of people in the UK have cats.

You'd better do an emergency u-turn! 🐈🐈‍⬛