The ideal financial set up for married couple

[GingerLiberalFeminist]

So Mumsnet, your wise input is required!

TL:DR should couple share finances but wife also put dosh away just in case?

If you read MN you'll see the view for women is to keep financial independence, but men should share their finances totally (!).

Our current set up is DH and I have a joint account into which goes 80-85% of our wages. Our household income is about £75k. This covers household bills etc. £250 goes into joint savings each month, every three months we chuck some in joint ISAs or DD's savings or ISA (she's 1).

The rest of our wages is "fun money" for us each.

I put a portion of my fun money into an ISA and savings each month, just in case the unlikely event that I get read The Script and find myself out on a limb.

DH knows I have some separate savings, but not really how much. I know he has a few personal pots but they don't exceed mine.

Have we nailed it? Have we got a MN approved way of splitting finances? 😁

IABU - we haven't nailed it.
IANBU - we've nailed it

That works brilliantly unless one of you ends up not being able to work long term for example because of an illness or a disabled child who needs care, then the whole thing would fall apart. @GingerLiberalFeminist how would you deal with something unexpected like that? Would you have enough in savings to tide you over long term?

100% joint works for us. However within that we have savings and investments which are in one or other of our names. In the unlikely event that I had to leave DH and he cleared out the joint accounts, I’d have plenty of money to last me until a legal settlement, and vice versa (this wasn’t the purpose of having some individual accounts but I can see it would be a benefit).

I wouldn’t be happy with anything other than 100% joint- we are a family, we have children together and we both contribute both financially and in other ways. Maybe I’d feel differently if DH suddenly became a gambling addict, don’t know.

Not for me as you have a disproportionate amount of fun money (unless you earn the same). We pool everything into the joint (but have our own accounts too because I think it's weird for an adult to not have their own bank account!), and then take a set (equal) amount each for our fun money. We have each earned different amount over the years, supported each other's careers, and both pull weight at home, right now I earn substantially more, but it just doesn't feel right for one to have more money than the other. We've been together since we were young and have basically built everything we have together, it's possibly different if you met later in life.

@mirror245 makes sense in your situation then. We are very similar spenders, similar family size, not bothered if a treat comes from the joint etc so I can see that's where the differences are. I just wondered how you felt that financial independence was lost, and when you've explained your situation it makes sense.

Seems good to me! 👍 Do you both contribute to a pension, too?

We do the same as you OP. I have a lot of savings now. No idea about DH savings or exactly how much he earns.
Regarding financial independence, I think people are referring to having a job rather than separate savings.

Just noticed you have different amounts in your own accounts so that is in theory different to my set up as we have the same amount of fun/saving money.

Each family has individuals living there and the one with the higher income always ends up paying mortgage and bills. Wether you pay this out of a shared account or a single account and what else, what does it even matter. If you stay together, it all going to be spent or inherited by the one outliving the other, if you divorce, it will be divided.

Dh and I like to spend our own money on things that the other may not always agree with. For example, I like to treat my mum, sisters and nieces (clothes, meals out, theatre) outside of normal birthdays etc. there's no arguments, just I'm closer to my family than he is to his, so he doesn't see why I do it. He also has only 1 family member he would buy gifts for whereas I have about 15, so it wouldn't feel fair him subsidising my choices. I'm more of a spender generally than him, but I can afford it so don't need to be answerable to anyone.

Dh and I like to treat each other too and him buying me a surprise bunch of flowers/ taking me on a birthday trip from a joint account wouldn't feel the same.

We have a great relationship and this set up works for us.

: Bascically, intelligent independent people would do it this way

@Geneticsbunny when we were expecting, and had stat maternity pay to endure, we saved jointly for this period.

The idea is that the joint ISA(s) would cover a period of unemployment and/or the joint savings.

We could cut back and live on one salary/plus UC if it came to it.

Ideal Martin Lewis situ is 6 months earnings in a separate account incase an emergency happens, I know, but we've not quite realised that yet!

All income into a joint account - we used to discuss purchases over a certain amount but given how similar our spending is we now spend without discussion. This works as we have similar spending behaviours and have never fought over money.

We don't regard financial contributions as any different to other contributions. We know each of us is contributing according to our capacity and ability.

I don't think our arrangement would work if we had different spending styles or didn't trust each other completely money wise.

I feel tied at the thought of a more complex arrangement.

100% joint accounts. I earn about 3x more than my DH.

Salaries go into a joint account. All bills/mortgage paid from this account. Standing orders set up for automated savings into below accounts:

• LifetimeISA
• Stocks and Savings ISA (one each)
• Investments
• Cash ISA
• Holiday Fund
• General Fun Fund (for >£200 purchases)
• Premium Bonds (currently baby savings) x2
• Emergency Fund

Both of us have separate accounts for our fun money, we take about £200 each from the joint account for our own spending. That way I can't complain on his golfing purchases and he can't complain about my clothing purchases 😆

We are both quite well balanced with the money. We could spend more and we could save more but we're happy with our current situation.

We have similar. Made slightly easier by us both earning about the same money - although he has slightly higher commuting costs.

All in spreadsheet which is updated frequently.
Wages paid into our personal accounts (not my preferred option, but he was being awkward about paying into joint so I switched mine to personal). From our wages we deduct commuting costs and a set amount of personal spending money (same amount each - even when we earnt different wages) and the remaining amount gets transferred to joint. All bills, food, child costs come from the joint account, and savings transferred from joint account each month too.

The only thing I'd change is I'd rather both our wages were paid into the joint account, with a standing order for fun money set up to our personal accounts. Just for transparency, and so I don't have to keep telling him how much to transfer each month.

If you did split up, your "private" savings would form part of the joint marital assets available for division and would not be ringfenced for you. So, best plan is to ensure you keep your career going and don't take the "mummy track" associated with being the one who takes all the sick days to care for children and cover school holidays.

We have separate finances, no joint account. I earn less than dh, so he puts a set sum into my account every month to close the gap a bit! He paid the mortgage (when we had one) and utilities. I pay, council tax, water and TV licence. Food petrol and other bird are paid for by whichever of us notices we're running short. No drama, easy, and ideal for us. We have an account which we call our "house account" that we pay the same amount into each month. Mainly used for boring stuff like car and house insurance .I've had it since school and so it's only in my name. DH not bothered about adding his name to it. I also have another savings pot which I call my fun cash to spend on whatever I want. I daresay DH has similar!
This has been our set up for 32 years.

I don't think there's any 'ideal', if it works for you, great. it's your choice if you want to save your fun money rather than do something fun. But if you're married and working, you are in a reasonably good position if something went wrong. Maybe allow yourself some fun... if you did get divorced, all assets would be considered, including your private savings. Your method would be more advised if you weren't married / weren't working.

What difference does it make? No one cares except you, no one is affected except you.

We've had 2 joint accounts for 40 years. One for bills, one for everything else. We have never had an argument about money, we have a brief discussion about affordability if either of us wants a big ticket item and that's it. It works for us, and how other people manage their finances is irrelevant.

We sit down on pay day and split everything, we literally cover everything jointly; birthdays, meals out planned that month etc and then whatever is left usually gets put into joint savings - which is usually for something specific, new car/house renovations/holiday.

Anything left over would then go separately to us to spend. I have access to all of DH’s accounts, he has access to mine but never remembers how so doesn’t. We sit together on pay day and sort everything for the month. We both earn the same roughly, but our monthly income varies due to our second jobs.

we both have separate LISA’s for retirement (left over from when we bought our house). All bills are in joint names, but I usually deal with them, but always talk him through.

we get paid into our sole accounts, move everything into our joint bills account and then the savings accounts we have 1 joint and several separate. But both of us have clear view of these, while DH never remembers how to log into mine, I always show him.

I have a CC, he doesn’t. We pay it jointly as it’s just had joint purchases on it. He has an overdraft, I don’t. We pay his jointly if we have to use it as again it would be for emergencies and usually that’s house/joint Related.

we have always been like this, it works for us.

When we were both working DH earned about 3x my salary. These days we are on pensions but we still work the same way we have for the last 50 years.

Both incomes go into one joint account. Out of this we pay utilities, food, petrol, car insurance, meals out, theatre tickets and the like. The usual day to day stuff. We also have a savings account each into which the same set amount is paid every month to save or spend on what we like.

At the end of the month anything left over in the joint current account gets transferred into a joint savings account. We use this account to save for large household items, holidays, etc.

We also both have separate accounts for money inherited from parents (we have no kids). In the event that one of us dies the other will inherit these accounts. Should we both die at the same time the money in the inherited money accounts goes to the relative side of the family before the rest is divid up and split equally between the two families.

Has always worked for us.

My in laws did this.

except it was financial abuse as it meant grandmother had no financial independence, and no access to her own bank accounts.

yes grandfather paid for everything, but completely controlled what she bought and was allowed to have as he paid.

what looks like a “very smart” set up from one angle can look very different from the other side.

As for dh and I, I pay for everything.

dh’s money goes mainly on CMS, anything left is his. After petrol and other general expenses he rarely has anything left over for savings.

so my wage covers all bills, mortgage, kids hobbies, holidays, everything. Savings are in my own name and are in place to cover the mortgage and other debts.

no joint accounts at all. I have no say in what he does with his money, he has no say in what I do with mine.

@Yogatoga1 you pay for EVERYthing...?

Yes I think you’ve nailed it!
My DH and I earn the same. we get our salaries paid into our own accounts then put an equal set amount in a joint account to cover all bills including absolutely everything from mortgage to kids sports clubs, the rest of the money leftover from our salaries is our own personal spending money that we can buy whatever we want with.

I save in individual pots for various things ie hair cut & colour £30/month, Christmas £50/month, general savings £100/month. My husband spends.
£100 a month on a golf membership but neither of us begrudge the other as it’s our own money.

No joint current account here. We’ve been swings and roundabouts all our married life. Whoever had the money paid. This has been quite stark in retirement. I used an inheritance to pay off the mortgage and his pensions are much better than mine so he pays a lot more than I do. We do have a joint savings account with enough money in it to cover a funeral.

Pretty much, yes.