To wonder where his money is going...

[CreatingHavoc]

My ex gets paid around £2,200 per month (take home pay). He has very low rent (approx £300 per month), barely uses his car, doesn't really have much of a social life, shares utility bills with his housemate and then there's usual food, phone, TV etc. He pays me £360 ish in child maintenance per month. He doesn't often do anything with the kids and they rarely go to his house.
Meanwhile, my total income (earnings child maintenance, everything) is around 300 less than his per month. I have the children almost 100% of the time so my food bill is way bigger than his. My rent is double what he pays and I spend way more than him on petrol. Yet he is claiming he is skint. How????

Does it matter? He's your ex and he's paying maintenance so don't worry about it.

Maybe he has debts that you don't know about?

@Facinguptothisdebt I want him to be able to at least see the children on the weekend sometimes but his house is awful and not suitable for them to stay in. I've suggested he moves somewhere better and he says he can't afford it.

Is he paying his bills properly? My ex is very similar (though pays less than half the CM you do despite earning more than your ex), doesn’t even run a car. But I’ve seen the red letters on his table and the reason he’s skint is because he think some bills are voluntary until the bailiffs come knocking 🙄.

You sound incredibly nosy and controlling, no wonder he's your ex

The money is a red herring. If he wanted to see his kids he'd find a way..
I'm guessing he is either spending money on debt, gambling or just being untruthful with you.

not really if her kids are staying with him. house needs to be upto standard

@SpeedyDrama his gas and electric are on a meter so that doesn't help but still doesn't account for most of it. It's bizarre. He does say he buys expensive food but even expensive food for 1 should be cheaper than normal food for 3. It's baffling. He's even said he's selling his car because he can't afford it. If he does sell it, he'll do even less with the children.

Suitable by what standard though. She could be deciding it isn't good enough without any merit. Still doesn't mean it's at all acceptable to "suggest" he moves to a different house

You need to mind your own business. He pays a reasonable amount of CM compared to what he earns. If you won’t allow him to take the children to his accommodation then it is hardly his fault he can’t have them more.

If the accommodation isn’t suitable for the children that’s on him to sort, not blame the op for safeguarding their children.

They'll vote with their feet soon enough. It's sad for your children (and my GC as wellas many others) that their father doesn't value a relationship with them. Going forward don't make excuses for him and allow the children to decide if they want to drop contact.

@Picklestop you've not seen his house. Even he says its not suitable. His house mate is younger has parties akin to students. Drink, drugs etc. It's really not appropriate for them to stay there.

It’s not any of your business where his money goes. He pays his CMS and if he’s happy where he lives then it’s tough.

Could be council tax. Thats the main one my ex refuses to pay until there’s a knock on the door and a few hundred more added to the bill. Water bill also been one in his case. But obviously I’m somewhat projecting here. I do get the concern - his bad choices are already impacting the children in terms of them not having a great place to visit their dad, further mismanagement of money may mean he tries to flake on paying for them in general.

Depends what Op means though doesn’t it? She said it wasn’t suitable because it was awful, considering her other posts, that could mean she doesn’t like the soft furnishings for all I know.

Edit: of course there has been a major drip feed since. 🙄.

If he is currently in a house share and you are look for him to rent a house/flat to have the kids over he may not be able to afford the rent and utilities on his own without it meaning he is actually broke currently. If he doesn't need a car daily or doesn't need one as big or whatever makes sense to get rid or change it

The might not be big, but is it in an expensive area?
I've got a friend who lives in a relatively 'upmarket' South-East town paying over £1k in rent on a small property.

Come on, the huge majority of women don’t stop visitation because they don’t like their ex’s sofa ffs 🙄. If the op says the house isn’t suitable for kids to visit because it’s ‘awful’, the assumption would be very much it’s a danger or seriously unhygienic. Really doesn’t take long for MRAs to crawl out on threads like this…

Edit reply to your edit: not a ‘major drip feed’. ‘Awful house’ doesn’t need justification when it’s the op trying to maintain contact between kids and ex whilst also keeping their safety as priority.

I wonder this about my husband's ex. And yes it does affect us. She's constantly borrowing money off him to see her to the end of the month. She earns £40K a year!

I think you've answered your own question. Drugs, especially coke, aren't cheap and are quite "moreish" aren't they?

@Fallenangelofthenorth i was just gonna pipe up and suggest that. If his housemate is having parties with it going round freely, I’m sure ex has had a dabble.

@Fallenangelofthenorth I wondered this but he's also a fitness freak so it would surprise me. He's said he wants to move because he doesn't like the house being filthy or their parties but he can't afford it.

My Ex is a fitness freak too according to himself, and regularly trains and fights for his club. Doesn't stop him sticking his beak into a bag every weekend though.

As you say - where is his money going? I can only think of drugs, debt, gambling or sex workers. Anything else you'd know wouldn't you?

I mean I can see how he feels skint, quick calcs just on the things you mention could look like the below. Then there's all the things you didn't mention (gym, debt and so on).

Rent £300
Car:
Insurance £70
Petrol £150
Other £30
Social life £150
Bills £400
Food £200
Phone £50
TV £50
CM £360

Left £440

BUT, some of those things above are not compulsory at all and shouldn't be being put before his kids.