Cancelling contact because he can't buy a card

[BBSBAMH]

My partner was due to have his children today.

He has just called me saying he might switch days and have them Friday instead.

I asked why and he said it's because he doesn't have any money to buy a mother's day card for his ex until Friday when his wages drop, so if he has them Friday instead he can buy the card then and send it back with them for mother's day.

He works lates so it's difficult to have them after school (he's off tonight)

He was making a big deal out of it and, in my opinion, being ridiculous. It's not sufficient reasoning to mess his children about is it? Or his ex for that matter. I'm sure she'd rather they come today as planned than worry about a blooming card.

FWIW his ex is in an established relationship and has subsequent children with that partner so I'm certain she isn't going to go without a mother's day card.. that's if the older DC (12 & 10) haven't already made/sourced one themselves which they may well have.

He was getting flustered on the phone so I said for goodness sake I will buy the card, "no it doesn't matter" he replied. End of call.

AIBU or is he?!

Card costs 58p as I got one for that. Or better still get the chills to make one. Yanbu. Sounds like a made up excuse. What's the real reason he moved contact

It's not as if Mother's Day is a surprise.

Surely they can make a card. You must have paper around the house?

Either there's football on TV tonight that he wants to watch (and couldn't if children are there) or he's lining you up for a bigger financial hit. But he sounds incredibly flaky and not kind to his children. I would rethink my relationship with him tbh, how long have you been together?

He is BU.

YANBU. He should have got them to make one. Seems like he wants to buy her more than a 29p card.

If tonight is the night he is supposed to have the children then he should be having contact and not letting the children or their mum down. He is being unreasonable.

is he a Man City fan cause they are playing champions league tonight and as a mum I’d be mighty pissed off if he has cancelled due to his!

I have lots of arts and craft things, lots.

I actually suggested that but all he's coming back with is "it doesn't matter"

He isn't a man City fan no.

Interesting point about him wanting to buy more than just a card. I certainly won't be funding big gifts but have said repeatedly I'll buy the card for him.

Do you have children with this worthless waste of space? If not, get rid. He sounds like a complete dickhead.

Is he usually so difficult? Either this is a pretty unpleasant man with some very odd priorities or a man at breaking point IMO.

That's melodramatic, but I can't see anyone in a good place behaving like this.

Personally I prefer a card the kids have made to a bought one.

This sounds very like an excuse, hence why he is refusing all sensible suggestions like making one or you giving/lending the £1. Poor kids, they must be right at the bottom of his priority list.

We do have a DC. He may or may not be neurodiverse, if that goes any way to explaining the odd thought process. I do often have to interject and remind him that other people are impacted by his decisions and that he has to think of others aswell as himself when making choices that affect others.

It's like he only sees something as far as he is concerned. Friday would work better for him, so thats the thing to do.

I don't think there's any wilful malice involved but it's incredibly frustrating as I have to constantly police decisions he makes and it is getting exhausting.

Edited to add - he will definitely not be letting the children down and they will be coming today regardless of what he chooses to do about a card. There are options but letting them down isn't one of them and I wouldn't facilitate that.

Ugh. How deeply, deeply unattractive.

The card issue is clearly ridiculous but so lovely to hear how much you're placing the children and their feelings as the top priority (and the impact to their mother).

They could make a card or equally surely he could borrow £1 off someone.

HOWEVER, at least he wants to get a card for the kids to give to his ex. Many men don't!!!!

You sound great. He's lucky to have you 🙂

He doesn't have 50p?
Does he support his children?
Does he contribute to your household and your child?

This is a very kind way of saying he's selfish and thoughtless op.

I would say my adhd daughter also doesnt automatically think of other people, and so, she knows she has to work harder at thinking about other people because it doesn't come naturally in to her brain.

he will definitely not be letting the children down and they will be coming today regardless of what he chooses to do about a card. There are options but letting them down isn't one of them and I wouldn't facilitate that

Oh look, another shit father whose ongoing relationship with his children is orchestrated by the next gullible woman that took up with him, and without her it wouldn’t exist.

If you dropped the rope he’d probably barely see his kids. He has no qualms about letting them down. Great man you’ve got there.

Oh good. Yet another post implying shitty behaviour is because ‘neurodiverse’. 🙄🙄

OR he’s just simply a NT nobhead with shit priorities. As many NT people are.

He may or may not be neurodiverse, if that goes any way to explaining the odd thought process.

No, not at all. It just shows you buy into the stereotype of all ND and are looking to excuse his awful behaviour.

It's not an excuse but can go some way to explaining why somebody thinks and sees things differently to typical people. ASD runs in his family (paternal side and now his own DC)

However, even if I am referencing suspected ND to explain how he thinks that doesn't mean I'm endorsing or enabling poor decision making. I've made it very clear how I feel about his suggestion today and as a result it isn't happening.

Seconded.

I'm not sure why you are with him but I can understand why he is with you.