Cancelling contact because he can't buy a card

[BBSBAMH]

My partner was due to have his children today.

He has just called me saying he might switch days and have them Friday instead.

I asked why and he said it's because he doesn't have any money to buy a mother's day card for his ex until Friday when his wages drop, so if he has them Friday instead he can buy the card then and send it back with them for mother's day.

He works lates so it's difficult to have them after school (he's off tonight)

He was making a big deal out of it and, in my opinion, being ridiculous. It's not sufficient reasoning to mess his children about is it? Or his ex for that matter. I'm sure she'd rather they come today as planned than worry about a blooming card.

FWIW his ex is in an established relationship and has subsequent children with that partner so I'm certain she isn't going to go without a mother's day card.. that's if the older DC (12 & 10) haven't already made/sourced one themselves which they may well have.

He was getting flustered on the phone so I said for goodness sake I will buy the card, "no it doesn't matter" he replied. End of call.

AIBU or is he?!

I've made it very clear how I feel about his suggestion today and as a result it isn't happening.

That's not the win you think it is OP.

You are not his parent ffs. He is a terrible man and you are happily controlling him into doing the right thing. Do you not want to be with someone who is actually juts a good person?

Thank you for the kind comments above. I love the DC, bio and otherwise, and wouldn't see them messed around. Youngest DSD has autism and her routine is instrumental for her wellbeing. Words have definitely been had.

I don't see it as a win, it's a chore policing his decisions and telling him how he needs to behave.. but what's the alternative and who's that going to benefit? Me probably, but definitely not the children.

I'm autistic and one of our biggest characteristics is not wanting to change arrangements at the last minute, so that's a pretty poor excuse for his behaviour.

I would strongly suspect that he just wants to fuck up Mothers Day morning for his ex...

I’m also autistic (diagnosed). I’m also not a nob.

You are using it to excuse his crap behaviour and justify controlling him into doing the decent thing. If he’s managed to get married/have more than one serious/long term relationship, have multiple kids and work, he’s perfectly capable of working out what he should be prioritising/doing without you ‘policing’ / doing it for him. He just doesn’t want to. Because he’s a nob.

He's fine when he's the one in control of changing plans, not so good when other people do.

He definitely isn't trying to spoil his exes mothers day, If anything he is placing too much importance on getting a 'proper' card.

The situation has been resolved now and he's going to have them make one which IMO is even better than buying one. It took me having a rant for it to sink in though.

It didn't occur to him that making one was a good option and he doesn't like asking me to buy things for him.

Any other week he could buy one no problem but he has literally pence until Friday due to car repairs.

This is a very kind way of saying he's selfish and thoughtless op.
I have to agree with this. Sorry OP. A selfish person will eventually make others angry and resentful and it sounds as though you are starting to feel that way. Try and get some joint counselling to find a way through this, because if he refuses to stop being so selfish and start putting his children's feelings first then everything you try to do will be wasted effort as they won't want to be near him as soon as they are old enough to make that choice. He needs to step up.

If he has at least 3 children he has no business not having 50p for a card.