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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my dog

47 replies

toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:10

Please no harsh comments because my heart literally cannot take it. I already feel bad enough.

Due to unforeseen circumstances I've had to move to a first floor flat. I have a dog who I've had since she was 4 months old and is now 9.

She is everything you could ever want in a dog, soft, obedient, affectionate, funny, literally the love of my life (other than DD).

She is not happy in this flat. Even with her 2 x 1 hour walks a day she is laying by the front door as if she wants to go and potter about/lay in the garden (which we don't have anymore). She's barely eating. I took her to the vet who did bloods, health check, urine etc and all normal.

She used to be playful but since moving here she doesn't bring me her toys, she doesn't get excited for treats or walks. She just seems depressed.

My Mum & Dad adore DDog. They take her away once a year for a week with them on holiday. They see her and DD every weekend, DDog literally gets up on my Dad's lap and doesn't leave until he does/same when she stays at theirs. They are looking at getting a rescue however DDog stayed with them last weekend and she ate her food, ran around the garden, went for long walks etc and my Dad gently raised the idea that maybe she could live with them full time or even do a dog share as she's so much happier there. When I go to pick her up, she runs to me tail wagging and jumping all over me so I know it's not me so to speak, she gets so much love and affection etc at home but I think she's just not happy in the actual flat that we are in. As soon as we were home, she was back to moping around and has barely ate again since the weekend.

I just feel so sad, I don't know what to do. She's always been by my side. I know I'd still see her every weekend but just the thought of not having her next to me on the sofa at night makes me cry. I also feel like I'm being cruel to her if she's happier there.

I don't know what to do, please help MNetters.

OP posts:
hotfairy · 05/03/2024 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Problemnumber99 · 05/03/2024 23:25

Don't feel bad OP, stuff happens in life that you can't control. Maybe you could give it a couple more months to see if she settles. She's used to your parents so it may not be the fact they live in a house and you a flat, so much as a new home she has to adjust to.
My cat threatened to move out when I got a dog and had packed her bags when the baby came along. It's taken 2.5 years but she's back to ruling the house x

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/03/2024 23:26

I would investigate if there is any other reason she's not happy in the flat - I've had cases where things like odd boiler noises, the high pitched (undetectable to humans!) whine from a new fridge, odd reflections, new carpet (new gloss kitchen and a change from frosted glass to clear) have caused dogs to want to avoid rooms or the whole house.

Try an Adaptil diffuser, have a think about objects/appliances within the house that may upset her...

I'd also speak to your vet about pain medication trial and cognitive decline - whilst her behaviour at your parents suggests these are not factors, dogs CAN overcome such things if very excited to see people/go certain places so its still worth checking out.

If you either can't find what it is OR, you can but you can't change it, then I think rehoming to your parents is the fair thing to do, yes.

CuteCillian · 05/03/2024 23:26

Your parents sound perfect to care for DDog. You have been diligent in checking options in your current circumstances and it seems that you are being selfless in letting her move to your parents.
I know you will miss her but it is such a kind thing for you to do.

Testina · 05/03/2024 23:29

I can see why you feel sad, but it’s a no-brainer. This is surely the best possible solution? You clearly love the dog, so it would be selfish not to do this. It might not be for the long term, if you’re in a position to have a garden flat in future. I’d start with a shared arrangement but if she remains unhappy on the days with you, you’ll have to make it full time.

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 23:30

If she's going to your parent's home that she knows and loves then I think that's fine and definitely not cruel. If she's had 9 years of having access to a garden then I'm sure that's why she's miserable. You will still see her lots and she will be happy again.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 05/03/2024 23:31

Let you parents have her.

Fedupofcommodes · 05/03/2024 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

What? 😀

Original poster
toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:31

Thanks everyone 😔 I have the adaptil plug ins, I've also tried natural calming tablets and sprays etc. I've got the same fridge/oven as before so she's used to those. Maybe the boiler is letting off a noise that I can't hear but she can? It's been 2.5 months in new place and no change with her at all. As soon as she's at my parent's house, it's like a flick switches, she wags her tail at the back door and off she goes into the garden for a wander etc then comes in and cuddles up to my Dad for as long as possible lol. I feel so guilty like she suddenly doesn't like me etc, nothing in her routine has changed other than the no garden. She still has her bed in my bedroom. She still has a crate that she can go in and out of whenever she wants to (it's open at all times) sometimes she likes to go lay in there in the quiet when DD is being too much!

OP posts:
FOJN · 05/03/2024 23:32

I really feel for you, I would hate to be in your situation.

You feel guilty that your dog may not be happy in your new flat and guilty that she may feel abandoned if you let her go and live with your parents.

Why not suggest a trial period of your dog living mostly with your parents? It will give you time to come to terms with the change, is potentially reversible if it's not working and your parents aren't strangers which I think would be hard on a 9 year old dog.

I think it's a sign of real love and care for your pet if you can put aside your own hurt to do what's in their best interests and it does sound as if she would adapt well to the change. It sounds as if it will be harder for you than her.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/03/2024 23:33

It’s not really re-homing. Not as you describe it. It sounds like the best thing for DDog. My worry would be if your parents got a rescue dog and then things got worse at home and they could not take DDog. You love your dog and would be doing the best for her.

Fedupofcommodes · 05/03/2024 23:33

Sometimes we have to make the hardest decisions for those we love. I'd let her go yo my parents before they decide to get their own dog. You can still see her. I'm sorry OP it's so sad.

Original poster
toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:34

I know deep down I'm going to have to let her go but I'm heartbroken. I will do it for her though, I want her to be the happiest dog for the rest of her time here. She's the best dog and she deserves it. I'm just thinking selfishly, I adore her and I'm sat crying now whilst she lays her head on my lap. I'm going to feel lost without her with me every day. She's been my best friend for 9 years.

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 05/03/2024 23:34

Oh OP, I’m so sorry. I think you should try with your DDog at your parents’ house. You can visit her regularly and maybe have her for sleepovers sometimes. Walk her, still have her in your life.

Original poster
toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:35

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood my parents won't get a rescue if they take mine, they don't want two dogs so I don't need to worry about that x

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 23:37

I'm.so sorry I can imagine how upset you are but it's a change of circumstances and your dog isn't happy. You have yo put her needs first. She's used to going out, getting fresh air, having a wee when she needs it and now she feels like she is locked in a big cage.

Beamur · 05/03/2024 23:40

My Mum temporarily rehomed her dog to her parents for similar reasons. It was quite a long temporary - about 2/3 years but worked out fine. Dog had the best life and lots of people who loved her.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/03/2024 23:42

You are not exactly rehoming her, you are letting her stay with your parents - whom she knows.
They offered.

It is a lovely loving solution to your dogs unhappiness, and you will still see her !

It's not you, it's the flat and for some reason she is not coping in the flat.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 05/03/2024 23:44

It’s not really rehoming as you’ll still see her all the time. How close do you live to your parents? Could she go to theirs in the day time and come home to you in the evenings? Or come to you for weekends and stay with them in the week?

VelvetandLace · 05/03/2024 23:47

My parents looked after my dog under similar circumstances OP. It was hard at first, but she was completely happy there, and I had peace of mind knowing that.

Original poster
toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:48

30 mins from parents, I would still see her every weekend. It's just when I'm used to her being by my side every day and evening, when she jumps into bed with me for a cuddle before getting into her own etc thinking about her not being here to do that makes me cry. I know deep down I have to let her go to them. For her happiness. I'm just sad.

OP posts:
BloodandGlitter · 06/03/2024 00:00

OP I just wanted to say I think you're an amazing dog owner, putting her needs before yours and doing what makes her happy at your own cost. Maybe you could look into taking in a rescue in your parents place? There's bound to a dog out there in need of a home who is well suited to flat life.

hotfairy · 06/03/2024 00:16

So sorry, I put my message in the wrong place and can't see how to delete it. I hope you find a happy solution for your lovely dog.

Floralnomad · 06/03/2024 00:43

Perfect solution to me , your dog gets to stay in the family with people she lives and who love her and you still get to to see her . Win win .

Mama2many73 · 06/03/2024 01:50

toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:31

Thanks everyone 😔 I have the adaptil plug ins, I've also tried natural calming tablets and sprays etc. I've got the same fridge/oven as before so she's used to those. Maybe the boiler is letting off a noise that I can't hear but she can? It's been 2.5 months in new place and no change with her at all. As soon as she's at my parent's house, it's like a flick switches, she wags her tail at the back door and off she goes into the garden for a wander etc then comes in and cuddles up to my Dad for as long as possible lol. I feel so guilty like she suddenly doesn't like me etc, nothing in her routine has changed other than the no garden. She still has her bed in my bedroom. She still has a crate that she can go in and out of whenever she wants to (it's open at all times) sometimes she likes to go lay in there in the quiet when DD is being too much!

Her whole environment has changed. In her eyes its deteriorated sad she doesnt know why.
I felt so sad reading your post until I goy yi the twist. In my head I was YES! PERFECT FOR EVERYONE!!
You and her dont lose each other, she's in a happier space with people who love you and her, and also want it to happen x

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