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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rehome my dog

47 replies

toblerone2 · 05/03/2024 23:10

Please no harsh comments because my heart literally cannot take it. I already feel bad enough.

Due to unforeseen circumstances I've had to move to a first floor flat. I have a dog who I've had since she was 4 months old and is now 9.

She is everything you could ever want in a dog, soft, obedient, affectionate, funny, literally the love of my life (other than DD).

She is not happy in this flat. Even with her 2 x 1 hour walks a day she is laying by the front door as if she wants to go and potter about/lay in the garden (which we don't have anymore). She's barely eating. I took her to the vet who did bloods, health check, urine etc and all normal.

She used to be playful but since moving here she doesn't bring me her toys, she doesn't get excited for treats or walks. She just seems depressed.

My Mum & Dad adore DDog. They take her away once a year for a week with them on holiday. They see her and DD every weekend, DDog literally gets up on my Dad's lap and doesn't leave until he does/same when she stays at theirs. They are looking at getting a rescue however DDog stayed with them last weekend and she ate her food, ran around the garden, went for long walks etc and my Dad gently raised the idea that maybe she could live with them full time or even do a dog share as she's so much happier there. When I go to pick her up, she runs to me tail wagging and jumping all over me so I know it's not me so to speak, she gets so much love and affection etc at home but I think she's just not happy in the actual flat that we are in. As soon as we were home, she was back to moping around and has barely ate again since the weekend.

I just feel so sad, I don't know what to do. She's always been by my side. I know I'd still see her every weekend but just the thought of not having her next to me on the sofa at night makes me cry. I also feel like I'm being cruel to her if she's happier there.

I don't know what to do, please help MNetters.

OP posts:

HoHoHoliday · 06/03/2024 02:03

If you are only 30 minutes from your parents could they offer day care for the dog? You could drop her off in the morning and pick her up evening - she'd get the day for playing in the garden and then evening/nighttime cuddles and sleep with you. Not as difficult as it might sound, I had this exact relationship with a dog (I was his daytime dogmum) and it worked well.

Zanatdy · 06/03/2024 02:18

Yes I’d definitely have the dog live with your parents. It’s a tough one and I adore my dog so I understand how hard it is. I moved to a flat last year but my dog seems ok with it, it’s only for 2yrs max. In your situation I’d have your parents take the dog and at least you’ll see them every weekend

Flatandhappy · 06/03/2024 03:15

What a horrible situation to be in 😐 You know the best thing for her would be for her to go live with your parents. At least you will still be able to see her even though it will leave such a huge hole in your life.

Fedupofcommodes · 06/03/2024 05:15

My neighbour has a retired service dog which was miserable waiting for his dad to return home from work every day. He has taken to my sofa very well during the week and meanders back home when his dad isn't working. Beautiful German shepherd who now loves hi Jack Russell "brother ".There are so many ways to have a dog OP, she we still be your family dog.

Definitelylivedin · 06/03/2024 05:31

I know you are sad, but it really is the prefect solution, not just for your ddog but also for your parents who will be getting a dog they love rather than an unknown character of a rescue dog.

Shadowchaser · 06/03/2024 05:56

Personally I would let her go. Shes not really being rehomed, sounds like more like a holiday!

I think my dogs would probably be the same in a flat, especially in summer when they spend a lot of time pottering in and out. Although it’s not wrong to keep dogs in flats it is a very different lifestyle.

bridgetreilly · 06/03/2024 05:56

Yes, rehome with your parents and, if possible, move to somewhere with a garden as soon as you can.

Beezknees · 06/03/2024 06:05

I came on to say YABU but this sounds like a good solution. She'll be going to someone you know who will care for her well and you'll get to see her regularly.

spidermonkeys · 06/03/2024 07:05

Going to mum and dad sounds like a great idea. Dog is already used to them and you can still see her

Iheartmysmart · 06/03/2024 07:16

How many times a day are you taking your dog out? I moved into a flat when mine was a similar age and we would go out every 3-4 hours, longer walks in the morning, at lunchtime and early evening with 10 minute ‘bathroom breaks’ in between. It’s bloody hard work though so if you think your parents can offer your dog a better life then let them take her.

StopStartStop · 06/03/2024 07:22

Dog moves to grandparents' house, everyone happy.

Yellowroseblooms · 06/03/2024 07:46

I had to do this with my Tibetan spaniel puppy. My husband and I were very wrong to get her as we simply weren't home enough. He caused havoc in our house - the insurance company was very good about it. I was going to get the breeder to rehome him. I didn't want my money back, I just wanted him to get a good home while he was still at his cute puppy best. My mother offered to take him. He lived the life of luxury with her, she had a better garden and gate set up and she had a couple of small dogs that he could play with. He had a wonderful life and he always recognised me when I came home to visit and would get really excited.

Original poster

toblerone2 · 06/03/2024 07:59

Iheartmysmart · 06/03/2024 07:16

I take her out for wee when I'm up about 6:30, then I walk her for 1 hour off lead in morning around 10am, I take her down another 2 or 3 times until I walk her at 15:30 for another hour. I then do dinner, bed and bath with DD and she goes to bed at 7. I take her down for another wee then and let her sniff around the communal grass and then unless she indicates she needs to go to toilet again, I take her down when I go to bed between 10-11. Last night was a late one as I was up worrying about this situation.

OP posts:

Iheartmysmart · 06/03/2024 08:03

In that case @toblerone2 you really can’t do any more. There’s a limit on how many times you can go out with your dog during the day. I think you’ve done your best to make the situation work and it’s time to let your dog go to your parents. I really feel for you as I know how much comfort having a dog brings. I lost my boy in October and whilst I sometimes complained about the endless walks, I’d do anything for just one more with him.

moonjump · 06/03/2024 08:18

I would never normally suggest rehoming a dog you've had for that long.

However, in your situation I would definitely move her to your parents. You know how happy she will be, and you'll get to see her regularly.

Gladespade · 06/03/2024 08:27

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/03/2024 23:42

You are not exactly rehoming her, you are letting her stay with your parents - whom she knows.
They offered.

It is a lovely loving solution to your dogs unhappiness, and you will still see her !

It's not you, it's the flat and for some reason she is not coping in the flat.

I agree, it’s a really lovely solution where she is still in your life. When you said rehoming I thought it was going to be off to a shelter where you wouldn’t see her again. This honestly sounds ideal.

Sleeplesnights · 06/03/2024 08:32

Can your parents not adopt the dog? Best of both worlds as you'll still be able to see him/her.

cryinglaughing · 06/03/2024 08:36

I was all prepared to say no you shouldn't re-home but in all honesty, it seems the ideal solution to an unhappy dog.

MsFaversham · 06/03/2024 08:39

I’ve been following Sophie from Romania, a rescue dog, on Twitter that was anxious and unhappy and it was revealed recently that she was on an antidepressant. Have you talked to your vet about trying that before you rehome her to your parents?

CammyChameleon · 06/03/2024 08:43

Sometimes it's the kindest thing to do. My parents have "my" dog now, she was always a quieter dog and was getting stressed out once we moved to a smaller house with the rambunctious kids and then I was on chemo and couldn't get her (or the kids, making them more "bounce off the walls" than usual) out so much as I felt really tired all the time.

We see her every week at mum and dad's and she is very happy.

Skidoddle · 06/03/2024 08:45

Let her live with your parents, OP. If you manage to move back to house with a garden in the next few years you can always have her back. You're doing the right thing by her brutal as it is for you.

WonderingAboutBabies · 06/03/2024 10:36

Aww OP! Lots of people have dogs in flats that are perfectly happy - including me! Your dog is getting on in age so it might just be that. I find that I need to do a lot more enrichment work in a flat than I do when I stay in places with a garden.

For example, lots of puzzle toys, hide and seek treat games, home made obstacle courses, teaching new tricks etc - all really help with their mental stimulation.

You could also just let your parents dog-sit your dog, rather than re-homing him with them. Or send him to a doggy day care once a week where he'll be able to run around and play with other dogs for an afternoon.

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