I think I’m autistic

[HelpWBD]

Please be kind I have no one in RL to talk to. I’ve just been reading up on this and I think I might be autistic. Just want to know what others think:

1. I’m very disorganised and scatty, my house is always a mess no matter how much I try. I work part time and have 2 DC in full time school. On my days off I literally clean from 10-2 but nothing ever gets sorted

2. I get upset very easily. If a school mum doesn’t respond to my hello I think about it all day and convince myself everyone hates me

3. I can’t make eye contact naturally but I have all my life made myself make eye contact so I force myself

4. I am always tired and social situations exhaust me

5. in okay one to one but group settings I find difficult

6. noises and smells overwhelm me

i’m only just processing this all now so there is a lot more that I haven’t written. I’ve always felt left out and isolated and thought it was my childhood ( sexual abuse, neglect, physical abuse from older siblings and parents, I never felt safe. We were a minority where I grew up, actually only family of Color and I always felt unsafe as would get verbally and sometimes physically attacked by the other kids)

im feeling very lost I don’t know where to go from here. I feel really upset that it’s taken me this long to figure it out. Im in my 40’s

Do you think getting a diagnosis would help you? I recently did the autism spectrum quotient test and scored very highly so think I might be autistic too and also not sure what to do about it. Sounds like you have had a lot to cope with in your life - maybe start with some counselling if you can?

Ask yourself would confirmation of your suspicion help you. If yes then take action.

Book an appointment with yoy GP to discuss this. Outline these points above and also give examples. Ask for a referral for assessment.

Ususally they have some prescreening questionnaires to complete to send with the referral (ASQ10 is common).

You'll hear horror stories of 5 year waits etc. But right to choose allows you to choose the service you are referred to. Speak to your GP about where you want to be referred. In many areas the NHS is outsourcing services to private operators, opening these up to right to choose and you can access on the NHS. Several of these have wait times of 7 months or less. Axia ASD is one. There are others. They offer remote appointments so location is less of an issue.

Good luck. Hopefully you get the answers and support you need.

I have forms I need to return to the go but had these a long time.

I want to make sure I go to a service that gets women.

I know of someone who was told they couldn't be autistic because they have empathy.... bangs head on brick wall

Thank you all. I think diagnose would help me for personal reasons. I just cried and cried reading the psychology website 10 traits of autism in women, it’s like everything I have struggled with my entire life but couldn’t find words for just popped up! I’m 43 and feel why hasn’t anyone told me this before? I know I mask a lot and I actually didn’t know this term till today. All my life I’ve had a mental checklist “look at them in the eye, smile now, ask how they are” etc.

Possibly as all points (except point 1 - autistic people are often highly organised) are traits of autism/ASD.

Please don’t blame yourself @HelpWBD . I believe that medical and social understanding of autism has changed a lot in the last 20-30 years. Before that, it was thought that it was rare, and that mostly boys/ men were affected.

A close family member ( female) got a diagnosis recently. I believe that it’s helped her to know. It’s helping me to understand her and what she might find difficult.

If you click on "Special Needs" on Mumsnet you'll find a Neurodiverse Mumsnetters section. Might be worth posting there too.

I fit a lot of these but I’m not autistic, just an introvert.

I’m diagnosed autistic and disorganised due to executive functioning disorder. There are pockets of my life where I’m ultra organised, but most of it is chaos.

There is some research that shows that in most cases of autism it co-occurs with ADHD.

Be careful about diagnosing yourself. It may be autism, but some of what you describe could be under the ADHD banner, or EUPD, or could be related to the trauma you suffered as a child, or you could be introverted and suffer from anxiety. Have a think about what your symptoms actually are, and what you want to fix/get explanations for before you start to go down a formal diagnosis route.

I have lots of the traits associated with ADHD - messy, disorganised, unable to focus on one thing, etc. but do I think I have it? Probably not, or if I do it’s at a sub clinical level - I have a great job, friends, and probably come across as someone who’s doing pretty well at life, and I am. So it’s ok to have traits, though if you think they’re interfering with your life to the extent that a diagnosis and treatment would help then absolutely go for it.

I’ve got two boys with diagnosed autism and I promise you they couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.

I don’t know where that myth came from but alphabetising shoes does not equal executive function and organisational skills

You've shared some autisic traits but number 1 is generally associated with ADHD.

I'm ND and most solely autistic people I know or have worked with can't abide mess and disorganisation. I've seen it end marriages between autistics and adhders!

There could be other explanations - rather than autism, it could be another neurodiversity or mental health condition causing executive dysfunction, rejection sensitive dysphoria, social anxiety and sensory overwhelm. There are lots of overlapping conditions.

If it upsets you then you may want to ask for a diagnosis.

Forever I've felt different. Forever I've given myself various labels in my head by self diagnosis. I'm currently, and probably most accurately, on ADHD with a splash of something else. I'd never considered ADHD as I can be quite lazy and thought they were like little fire rockets.

I've yet to request any medical help although I do think I should as I get anxiety and depression and it's getting worse. It may be a diagnosis and medical help could aid me.

I think we’ve lost sight of what autism actually is, which is a disorder related to social communication.

There is a sliding scale of how well people communicate with others and some are very good at it and others find it more challenging but those who find it challenging don’t necessarily have autism. I do think it is becoming very difficult to distinguish between ranges of normal behaviour and autism.

I was diagnosed in 2022, & I've just sent off the forms to my GP for an ADHD assessment, at the recommendation of the place that diagnosed my autism.

I had an informal diagnosis of ADHD by my school back in the early 90s, but my dad & step-thing (can't bring myself to call her mother in any capacity) refused to accept it as it was easier for them to just label me difficult, headstrong, defiant & lazy.

I do think it is becoming very difficult to distinguish between ranges of normal behaviour and autism

the difference is impairment. If you have enough autistic traits to be impaired by your symptoms then you are autistic. We’re not all a bit autistic and it’s not actually a sliding scale but a spectrum of different traits some may be more evident in one person than others. It’s not just social and communication. It’s sensory, it’s not getting the same signals from your body as other people get.

We are all different though. I am autistic and am hyper organised.

@SoOutingWhoCares Haha yes, my husband has ADHD and the poor man is constantly being shepherded and reminded to be tidy. To be fair, I think my systems actually aid him as he knows exactly where to look for something rather than losing it for months (like his house key when he lived with flatmates that I discovered when tidying his room) 😅

Have you considered adhd. Inattentive type

My dd is adhd and asd and she has conflicting things like wanting to be organised but can't manage it.

I'd go for an assessment. It will help you understand yourself and then you can be kinder to yourself. This has to be a good thing

I have both, diagnosed in my 50s. Just knowing that there's a good reason for struggles throughout my life has been liberating and validating. Go for it!

It is liberating isn't it?

I prefer having the label of ND to the much nastier, hurtful labels I've been saddled with throughout my life, as mentioned in my PP.

I am very similar to you OP. My eldest dd is autistic and so is her dad. My dd is incredibly messy, despite being more comfortable in tidy environments. She also has PDA, which means I can't ask her to tidy up 🤦
I am starting to realise that I am probably also autistic. I struggle with organisation (executive functioning). I also struggle socially and completely understand the stress around school playground conversations. I've felt lonely and different from others for most of my life. Most of my good friends are either adhd or autistic but they live quite a distance away now so making new friends locally is hard.
I've also had trauma growing up and I'm having therapy to work through this, which I highly recommend.
I was also wondering about diagnosis, I'm not sure whether to pursue it or not. I recognise that I have significant problems with anxiety but then so does my dd, who is diagnosed.
Good luck OP, it can all be very overwhelming at first.

Thank you so much everyone for your messages abs kind words and insights. I do feel lighter today in terms of not being hard on myself when I can’t even get involved in simple social things such as chatting to other mums. I understand now it’s not anything I can help. I know autism cannot be cured but I really want to find ways I can appear more “normal” and how I can navigate things for my childrens sake. I feel they miss out on many things because of me

Just to add I don't think there's any scenario where getting a diagnosis is a bad idea.
It allows the person get greater insight into themselves and to find specific tools and approaches to make their lives better, reduce the impact of the impairment that they may have.
My son getting a diagnosis means I know where to look for ideas to manage various issues for him and also for me to recognise them in the first place.

Exactly this for me too.

Your list describes me except number 3.

I went for ASD diagnosis last year and didn't get one because most of my issues started with puberty and not in early childhood. My parents could only remember me being a happy, chatty child at Primary age and didn't recognise a lot of the things I have felt about myself since a teenager. Most of my issues have got worse with age - working full time, then having DC but I've learnt how to deal with many of the things you describe with coping strategies.

Instead I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder which in some ways makes sense (and often starts at puberty). Still not quite sure what I think about it as a diagnosis instead of ASD.