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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have felt uneasy about this man?

50 replies

Stopsmotheringmeeeeeee · 05/03/2024 18:14

This is rather long, sorry!

Yesterday a man came round to carry out an energy survey on my flat. He was lovely and friendly. However..

For what was only around a 20 minute visit, he made a fair few comments which began setting off alarm bells the more he spoke.

I'll try to remember the order of events!:

My 12 year old daughter arrived home from school not long after he'd arrived. He greeted her and was nice & friendly, as he had been with me.

Then we were chatting, and somehow the topic of kids being addicted to their phones came up- he compared it to being a kid in the 80s, out on bikes all day til after dark and the risk of being 'molested by perverts' (said with a chuckle). I didn't think too much of this.

Then somehow - can't remember how (not sure it was directly related to the last comment) he brought up Jimmy Savile. Cue another jovial comment about avoiding being molested by him.

He went into the loft (I've never been up there) and said there were a few strange items up there- an old bag and a vanity case. He then went up again to have a look inside them, without asking me. I don't think this is that odd- but having reflected on everything else I thought it was a bit strange.

Then I mentioned how stressful it is having to tidy up for people viewing the flat and he made some comment about having to pick up knickers off the floor. Then started going on about how 'shocked' he was at the contents of an old lady's airing cupboard - knickers etc. Because of course that's an inappropriate place to keep them.

THEN his face turned serious and a bit disgusted as he said 'what I really hate though is seeing "lady's things". I looked at him wondering what he could mean and he elaborated about seeing knickers & thongs hanging up and said "I'm too old for all that at 50" (I had some granny pants - and my daughter's - hanging up in the bathroom - I had tried to have them fairly hidden but still).

Then finally, as I was waiting for him to leave (and stop talking) he said something about how he wouldn't come into the property if I wasn't home and it was just my daughter at home, as he's not allowed to do that with under 18s and it's to protect himself.

Then, as he was off, he knocked on my daughter's bedroom door and said nice to meet you.

Now he's emailed over the invoice and says "it was lovely to meet you and your daughter".

Now of course he is quite probably not a paedophile- and I'd normally think he was lovely & friendly - but all those comments in one short visit i just found off.

Also- after my daughter had just got home and he asked if he could go in her room, I thought she was quite rude in her response so I had a word with her. Then after he'd gone, she shuddered & said she really didn't like him and there was something about the look he gave her when she first saw him.

I'm really not one to cry "paedo" - but am I reading too much into this?

OP posts:
fairymary87 · 05/03/2024 18:17

that's creepy! Maybe report him to the company

WickWood · 05/03/2024 18:19

He definitely sounds odd to me!

NotForMeTY · 05/03/2024 18:20

Id report him, hardly professional is it? I think the company would like to know how he is representing them when in other peoples homes.

SoupAnyone · 05/03/2024 18:20

Bored 50yr old likely not married or divorced, lonely and wanting to chat but choosing 'off' topics repeatedly. Overly friendly with your daughter, so report to the energy company if you like BUT I would ensure I never had him round my house again tho and have a chat with DD about if he ever approached her etc

MinervatheGreat · 05/03/2024 18:21

Whatever your thoughts about him, paedophile inclination or not, he made you feel uneasy with his inappropriate referrals to women’s underwear and so on.

Sleep on it and then maybe compose a letter/email to his bosses.

He talked too much, his chit chat was inappropriate and he thus made you and your daughter feel ill at ease. Your gut was telling you something.
Listen to your gut!
His managers need to have a word in his ear.

Original poster
Stopsmotheringmeeeeeee · 05/03/2024 18:25

Thanks all. I think he's self employed, but was recommended by the estate agents I'm dealing with.

I think he's married - and at first he was talking about plants & gardening, giving me tips (on houseplants!) and I did genuinely think he seemed nice. So I almost feel bad suggesting anything untoward - but as someone mentioned, my gut feeling towards the end was off.

Maybe he was just a bit quirky & thought he was being friendly.

Even so, he should surely know better when talking to a single woman in her home with a young daughter.

OP posts:
Allfortheloveofabiscuit · 05/03/2024 18:31

Why did he ask to go into your dds room, was it to access the radiator or something related to his visit?

Original poster
Stopsmotheringmeeeeeee · 05/03/2024 18:45

Yeah it was related to the visit.. but I'm now thinking did he take photos or something.! Probably overthinking

OP posts:
gannett · 05/03/2024 18:51

THEN his face turned serious and a bit disgusted as he said 'what I really hate though is seeing "lady's things"

This is properly weird and that alone would have set off alarm bells.

I also think knocking on a 12yo's door specifically to say goodbye to them is very weird for someone who should only be there to do a professional job. He's dealing with you, not her.

The other things have plausible deniability but put together, whew that's a lot of comments that skirt inappropriateness for a 20-minute visit. Yes, you're right to be uneasy.

Bigcat25 · 05/03/2024 19:31

Not unreasonable, but I wouldn't contact him about it, partly bc he works for himself and partly bc I wouldn't want to upset him since you don't know how he'll react. You have no reason to see him again so leave it at that.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 05/03/2024 19:36

I had a man come out to clean my carpets a few years ago...he made some dodgy comments that were a bit creepy...talking about my figure...how my bloke was a lucky man etc....as this man worked for himself there was no one to report him too..i just vowed never to use his services again.

di2004 · 05/03/2024 19:39

He sounds like a weirdo and certainly report him to the company. Shouldn't have made those odd remarks.

Catsmere · 05/03/2024 19:42

The minute he started poking around in the loft and commenting on cases there, let alone going back to look in them, was the end for me. Bad enough talking about perverts and joking about Saville, everything after that sounds creepy as hell. I'm with your daughter on this one!

Ace56 · 05/03/2024 19:46

You say he’s self employed, so there’s no ‘company’ to report him to.

I would however contact the estate agents and just tell them you don’t want him coming round again. I’ve had to do that before when they kept sending round the same plumber who was also pretty creepy (I was living in a house share with 2 other girls)

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/03/2024 20:13

He sounds an absolute creep and I would definitely tell the estate agents that I didn't want him coming anywhere near me or my daughter or contacting me again.

I was thinking why did he go and open those bags in the loft? They were nothing to do with him at all. he has absolutely no boundaries at all.

samqueens · 05/03/2024 21:48

Sounds totally inappropriate. I’d tell the estate agency that they should think twice before recommending him.
Praise your daughter for vocalising her gut reaction and reinforce that you don’t need a “reason” to avoid someone, feeling uncomfortable is enough and she should always trust her gut.
Make sure she knows that there’s no reason he would ever need to return to the property as the work is complete, so if he ever knocks at the door she should ignore/call an adult. Not to open door to strangers etc.
Hopefully nothing further will come of it and he’s had his jollies being completely inappropriate for the day. Urgh

PonyPatter44 · 05/03/2024 21:59

It sounds like your instincts are good. He was very inappropriate, and one wonders what he was getting out of it. I would be contacting the estate agent and letting them know how strangely he behaved, and that he made you and your DD uncomfortable.

Why did he go into the loft twice?

Estellaa · 05/03/2024 22:08

I'd get in the loft and check he hasn't left cameras or something.

Spitalfieldrose · 05/03/2024 22:28

Was he doing that EPC? I had one round who was a bit weird, but thankfully never had to see him again as it’s a one off visit.

Mine was self employed as well.

BobbyBiscuits · 05/03/2024 22:33

You will never see him again, surely? He does sound pervy and weird. Obviously who knows if he's a paedo or not. Could you mention to the EA that he was inappropriate? They were the ones claiming he should come round.

PurplePansy05 · 05/03/2024 22:35

Estellaa · 05/03/2024 22:08

I'd get in the loft and check he hasn't left cameras or something.

This.

Also is your DD ever home alone? I'd have a discussion about not opening the door if so.

PurplePansy05 · 05/03/2024 22:36

FWIW, this sort of instinct is never wrong (sadly I know from my own experience). If your DD and you felt it, I am certain you are correct.

TheMessiahIsMySister · 05/03/2024 22:43

All of those things combined are really, really off. Completely inappropriate - none of them needed to be said.

I thought she was quite rude in her response so I had a word with her. Then after he'd gone, she shuddered & said she really didn't like him and there was something about the look he gave her when she first saw him.

It’s really important that your DD knows it’s OK to be curt / not polite with people who give her the creeps. Not to the extent that is likely to provoke anger/trouble - but she should never be under any obligation to be nice to creepy people (well, let’s face it, inevitably men).

I instil this in my DD any opportunity that arises.

CarpetSlipper · 05/03/2024 22:48

You don’t have to have anyone in your home who makes you feel uncomfortable. He sounds creepy.

longtompot · 05/03/2024 22:56

There was a post recently by a woman who had a professional around for some reason, might have been gas? I can't remember. Anyway, his chat got inappropriate and she ended up reporting him, which the company took seriously.
If you felt he was being in, which I think he was too, then I would report him to whoever approved him coming round to your home to do the visit.