To not get DS(3) to tidy his toys up?

[Springtimesunshinesun]

DS is 3, and is being quite challenging at the moment. He’s very well behaved at preschool and usually fine when out and about but at home can be quite defiant and difficult.

I know he enjoys helping to tidy at preschool and at groups we go to but at home I have to cajole and threaten and to be honest it takes so long I may as well do it myself.

So - should I stand firm or is this a pick your battles sort of moment?

I'm also interested in these replies, as my 3 year old ds is similar! I don't tend to make him currently as often as I should, as toddlers in my opinion do not respond particularly well to reason! My experience of his 3 older siblings tells me that I can start to insist as he gets a little older and I'm able to start reasoning with him better! By age 4, these things tend to become easier. Pick your battles (I mutter to myself many times a day!).

My three year old responds better to requests to tidy if it's made fun; we'll often have a race to see who can put the most toys back in the toybox, or count how many steps it takes for him to bring his plate to the dishwasher from the table... My hope is that the habit of tidying up after himself is being formed and in time he won't need the incentive of a game around it!

Tidying up at pre-school and groups is probably presented as play, whereas at home it sounds like a battle so, of course, it's not as much fun. Can you make it into a play? Say, have a competition which one of you is the fastest to put 4 toys away or whatever.

Honestly it's a losing battle trying to get most three year olds to do this. I would just give it a go and if it's not working do it myself. Not worth the effort and battles!

I used to make a fun game of it with my 6 dc, it took a bit longer but it was worth it as it got to the stage where they organised themselves, A would tidy bricks, B the colouring books and crayons, C the toy cars and so on. For the best part it worked well.

Thanks. I’m not sure a game would work … he is pretty challenging at times and tends to ignore what he wants to!

DD has to help or we don't move to the next activity. I'll just sit in front of her designated tidy up stuff until she tidies. This can take a while.

When out I wouldn't insist in the same way, but would ask and she would usually join in.

How does that work in practice, though? I mean, does she only have one toy at a time out?

I do similar and generally phrase it in a 'we won't have space to get all of the lego out if your jigsaws aren't away - let's sort that first' kind of way. We also have a tidy up before mealtimes so it doesn't get overwhelming (obviously we'll leave stuff out if she's halfway through a game). It's just routine now and she loves routine so rarely questions it. We also have lots of storage and she knows exactly where everything lives which makes it easier.

Definitely pick your battles at this age. Not worth the misery of a stand off, plenty of time to learn when they're older.

How do you tidy? What's your system? I know at 3 my students didn't like sorting so we did big bins w toys. Blocks in blue. Trains in red ect. Mabye let ur child show you what works for him

Ask nursery what song they play for tidy up time. If my kids hear a familiar tidy up song it propels them into action!

It doesn't need to be every toy, every day. But yes, he should help with tidying.
Yes, it takes longer when they are small (we too used the who can put away a blue toy first, who can fill a box with bits, game style tidying). But I now have teenagers who can tidy, and who put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket - we've done that since before they could walk. They also clear tables after meals - bit that started at a later age.

It's laying the ground work now to prevent a "but, Mum does it all" attitude later.

When I'm doing childcare I normally sing a tidy up song with my granddaughter, or make a game of it, or simply say that there's not room for what she wants to do next until one thing goes away.

I made the mistake the other day, when her mum was picking her up and DGD was tired, of asking her to put something away more brusquely. Immediately she said no and I did the wheedling/firmness carousel to no avail, regretting having ever asked. We were both tired and not at our best, and mum being there broke our usual routine interaction.

So yep, at three, use his natural competitiveness or create a musical background that sends that tidying up time signal.

I’ve tried going the same things he does at nursery and he just keeps ignoring me. If I really push it he’ll cooperate but it takes such a lot of conflict - so he’ll put some cars away and then needs telling to put the rest away and doesn’t do it first time or second or third so it ends in a lot of conflict which is why I’ve avoided it, as I do feel I’m telling him off a lot at the moment.

Not following through with things and having the attitude that you will just do it yourself will lead you to a life filled with lazy bone idle children/partners.

??

By you having the attitude of not asking people in your life to tidy up or do other things they should be doing will lead to you doing everything for everyone and resenting them and having lazy children/partners who can’t do anything for themselves.

No. It's usually at cut off times, like meal/snack time or going out to the park. I don't mind mess during the day, but it has to be clean if we're having some screen time or before bed.

It helps that we have kallax boxes that everything gets chucked in, so it's not a hard process.

my kids only got the concept of consequences for not tidying when they got to about 6. Eg no TV. I’d pick your battles at 3

I always found that the phrase "I bet you can't.... " so it was a challenge.
Such as "I bet you can't put 5 things away before I can!"
Or "I bet you can't get all of this away before I count to 5"
... I never got to 5!! ... 4 and a half, 4 and three-quarters, 4 and 6 sevenths.... they always won!

What happens if you ask him to tidy a specific thing/category? Marie Kondo has a good section on toys in her book, that talking about toys in general is such a broad category that it’s overwhelming to kids. And that being more specific, eg can you put the cars into the box, might have more success (I say might)!

I agree that if I want some things tidied (I don’t expect them to do everything) then I usually time it with the next event but not threaten. More like let’s tidy first, then go to the park or then it’s dinner time. I don’t make them tidy up throughout the day as they flit between things and come back to them.

I did read something once which I think is a good reminder, that who actually wants it tidy? Who is it bothering? If there are some toys or their toy kitchen is a mess for instance is it bothering me or them? Usually it’s me so I do a quick tidy up! However if the living room is an absolute tip with toys and tripping hazard I do get them to tidy before moving onto snack or dinner etc. and always helping them doing it together. (I would say she was nearer to 4 before doing this reliably!)

I think we used to make it part of daily routine… eat tea together at 5 ish, kids play while i clear up kitchen. All tidy toys ( and by this I mean thrown them in a chest / coffee table in the lounge so a quick job, then watch night garden on tv. Then bath bottle bed. That means when you come downstairs house is tidy for you to relax for evening!

Generally he ignores me the first two to three times. If I threaten something he grudgingly complies but very slowly and often not very well.

I am inclined to pick my battles because otherwise it does feel we’re spending most of the day in conflict.