Bathing arrangements for 9yo

[historiccastles]

9 year old neurotypical child, no special needs.

Is it infantilising for the child for the person caring for them to sit in the bathroom with them the whole time and then to physically towel dry them when they get out?

My kids are older but I'm pretty sure at 9, I would have run the bath, chivvied them in and out, checked they washed and dried themselves but not done it for them or sat watching them the whole time.

I’m probably not the person to ask but my 7 and 4 year olds both dry themselves and put on their PJs by themselves. At their school they go swimming with the school from reception so they’re expected to it it themselves.

Is the child happy about it?
My girl is 15 (and autistic). Bath time is where we (me and her) have most of our deep and meaningful chats 😂

The child objects to the drying.

@historiccastles ok then - if the child doesn't like it - then they should be left to do it by themselves.
Towel in easy to reach and a bath mat so no slipping.

Why are you bothered?

Is this another contact with father situation?

If the child objects, they need to be listened to.

If safety is the parent’s concern, leave the door ajar and chat.

My 9 year old dried himself,and was left unsupervised in the bath. He might shout for me sometimes to tell me something, or show me how long he could hold his breath, floating like a corpse 🤣 Adult should not be drying a 9 year old, who objects.

What’s your relationship to the 9YO? I think it’s really odd though! Nothing wrong with an adult sitting there for a chat if DC is ok with it, or helping wash long hair if they ask. But at that age they should be able to have privacy in bathroom should they want it and they definitely don’t need drying like a toddler. Weirder still that the child objects and the parent is still doing it, it sounds pretty messed up actually. Do you have other concerns?

If the child doesn't like it then stop doing it, door unlocked, towel in reach, floor mat, not too deep water, whoever it is can knock every so often just to shout through are you OK, who is involved.

Is this about your shitty boyfriend? Just dump him.

Are they an only child? When you don't have others to distract you and juggle it's tricky to know when to do things at the right age especially if you don't have other children like nieces and nephews. The right age of course being the moment the child expressed they don't want you to do it and are physically capable of doing the task themselves.

Recommended minimum age for bathing unsupervised is 8 I think so they are in that transition phase now.

This is what I do. I'm a foster Carer and I have always been advised door unlocked, not too much water, check water temperature before you leave room and DC gets in. Then over 5-6 years you can leave the room and just go back to wash their hair if needed. They don't need hair wash every day. Knock on the door every so often to check they are ok. Playing with bath toys in warm water can be relaxing for DC. They can get out and towel dry on their own from 5-6 years. PJ's on by themselves. If DC has SN's then more assistance can be offered if necessary.

My 10 and 8 year olds both shower, wash their hair, bodies and come out and dry themselves and put their jammies on.

8 year old has bum length hair and still manages great.

@Obeast the relationship has been over for a few weeks and this is about the child of a friend. I'm trying to decide if I should say anything.

I still have to wash my 10 year olds hair. If they are comfy with it then I don't see an issue. Let them decide. 9 is old enough to do it alone.

DD is 9 and asks me to stay in the room and chat with her, she can wash herself and her hair and dry herself but will sometimes ask if all the bubbles are out of her hair or for me to dry her back.

I'll leave it up to her to tell me when she's ready to go it fully alone and wants more privacy.

My granddaughter bathes and dries herself, eventually when she's finished all.the faffing about. I only enter the bathroom at her request

How are you so deep in with this child's bath routine yet unable to speak up to your friend when the child voices dislike?

I'm not deep into it. She's mentioned it to me and I'm deciding if I should say anything. I often take a long time to decide whether to raise a concern, this is my normal!

Sorry I assumed you had observed

She told you she dries her child but they don't want dried and no future conversation took place? Like 'oh why?' or similar.

This is one of the weirdest things I have read, I wonder if it's poor communication skills both between you and your friend and your posting but the idea of a conversation being so lacking strikes me as odd

Then nope, make your life easier and more pleasant by not getting involved in innane non events 🤷‍♀️

I don't see what it's got to do with you?

If friend mentions it again, just pipe up and say "well 9 is plenty old enough to do bath time/towels/whatever alone, especially if they're asking"

I think I'd have said at the time that my 9 year old would HATE me drying him off after a bath/shower! I think by that age it's definitely not the norm and the child would be more than capable of drying off.

DSS would have been showering from about 7 by himself. 7-8 dad would have checked hair was washed / soods rinsed off properly, talked about how to wash ect but certainly by 9 he was told to crack on and go have a shower when needed.

If the 9 yo is objecting then I would say not very fair. But my 4 yo is currently learni g to dry himself / wash his own hair / body so mabey I go too far the other way

I just tell my 6 year old to go and have a shower and he sorts himself out. He probably wouldn't object to being babied a bit and getting some help from time to time but I wouldn't insist on helping if he didn't want to. Surely at 9 the child is old enough to ask for a bit of privacy whilst washing and dressing, if that's what they wanted.