Money obsessed husband

[Goldie678]

My partner has plenty of money, through savings/inheritance/hard work etc. Our finances are completely separate. We don't have a joint account or any joint names on anything. I work full time and earn my own money. I'm fine with this. My issue is that he is completely obsessed with money and making savings wherever possible. He talks about it endlessly and all the various savings accounts he has and what APR they are and all this stuff (to be honest I just switch off). It bleeds into every area of life, from not wanting the heating on when it's freezing, to eating cheap food or only things that have reduced stickers on. I buy all my own stuff. What annoys me is the comments I get for buying things that I've paid for with MY OWN MONEY. it makes me feel very guilty! We don't do anything simple together such as go for a coffee as he just moans about the cost and it ruins it. He has on occasion taken his own drinks to the pub and I find it excruciatingly embarrassing. I am not one for wasting money and I would completely understand if he was hard up but he isn't. I don't ask him for a penny for anything ever. Am I being unreasonable in this really being hard to live with? I liked his sensible attitude to money when we met but it seems to have turned into an obsession and I don't know what to do about it. I have tried to talk about it and find out what the cause is but it doesn't stop and I don't think he recognises it. I am not saying I expect to be blowing money all the time as I am quite frugal myself and don't need a lot, it's just a drain when someone asks you all the time what you have in your savings and why have you bought this/that etc. Its affected me in that I now feel guilty and question everything about what I spend and actually feel quite anxious about it all. It drives me mad.

Sounds miserable! DH has these inclinations and I really have to lay the law down sometimes. He will never tip a taxi or a waiter, I have to do that on the sly after he's paid.....🙄

But the trouble is - I do agree with him a lot of the time. Things are stupidly expensive nowadays, and we're all starting to expect to pay these crazy prices. We have a reasonable income, but I don't want to pay more than about £15/20 a head for a main meal out (and am also happy to eat a burger with the kids in a Hungry Horse or Wetherspoons, despite very disparaging remarks on a previous post......). And getting a Starbucks and a muffin every day on the way to work would be ££££ - I always took a caramel bar and a coffee in a thermos mug when commuting, and would cringe if my kids wanted to do the Starbucks version, except as an occasional treat.

We just booked a holiday to Greece. 4 of us for a week self catering, £2K. It's a one room apartment but we're only sleeping there, and the location is great. I don't get why people would spend the price of a small car on a summer holiday unless it was really something amazing.

DH is very practical and does all our car maintenance, plumbing problems etc. I had to argue to get him to allow me to pay a window cleaner once a year (I hate heights and he's always too busy) and to get our oil boiler serviced (he thought cleaning it out inside was good enough) - but generally I get my own way if I put my foot down. We went out for a meal with my work friends recently and the drinks were pricey but he got every other round without a murmur - and didn't even ask me to go halves afterwards....😁

So I think there is a balance. Appreciating a bargain (we have loads of second hand clothes such as coats and boots etc) is great - being constantly mean and tight is awful. And going on and on about it is unforgiveable. If he can't stop that then you maybe need to LTB...... Good luck.

You reiterate on a number of occaisions : I HAVE MY OWN MONEY.
But you are madly in Love with this guy. I guess.
Otherwise, Im sorry , why?????
Why do people who HAVE THEIR OWN MONEY, INTELLIGENCE ,EXPERTISE.....hang out with others they dont like...unless theyre madly in love.
So the point of having money, its a tool to get a nice life so why would someone buy a comfy sofa and sit on the floor.
If hes soooo frugal and CAREFUL , why do you work...

I am not saying I expect to be blowing money all the time as I am quite frugal myself and don't need a lot, it's just a drain when someone asks you all the time what you have in your savings and why have you bought this/that etc.

I hope you refuse to answer and tell him why?

Have you pointed out to him that his obsession is a total passion-killer and incredibly boring?

Surely when he took his own drinks to the pub you told him he had crossed a line?

How does he respond when these things are pointed out to him?

@Goldie678

Is he your husband or your partner? You mention one in your post title and another in your opening post. That makes a legal difference if, for example, you are not named on the house deeds. You'd lose a lot financially if you separated as two essentially single people rather than legally married and you then had access to joint, marital finances. 🌹

I'm quite frugal myself but this sounds very hard to live with.

Money is too be spent in the world not safe to just leave it for the royals and co to spend it for you.