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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very stressful jobs

53 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 23:20

AIBU to think that a job of jobs being described as very stressful aren't really.

There's a hell of a lot of posters who use the phrase "my husband has a very stressful job".

Some of my colleagues describe our job as very stressful. Sure it's detailed and precise and there's a lot of things to know but it's not actually stressful if you are organised & good are time management.

Are people who find their jobs stressful actually in the right roles?

Or is it the environment that's stressful rather than the actual role. Poor management, bad culture etc.

I'm sure roles involving emergency services are stressful but surely most jobs shouldn't be stressful if you know what your doing?

Just curious.

OP posts:
thesleepyhoglet · 03/03/2024 23:22

Hmm. It's the demands placed on you which make it stressful. Needing to get a lot of work done in a small amount of time, making decisions that affect a lot of people or the wrong decision could loose a lot of money for example. I'm not sure why you don't believe that some jobs are stressful.

DaisyCat33 · 03/03/2024 23:22

I imagine a lot of the time it's not the job itself but the management or workload. My DP's job gets very stressful at times because they pile too much work on him and it isn't humanly possible to do it all in the time he has and he feels under tons of pressure to get it done. It's not the work itself, it's too much of it.

RantyAnty · 03/03/2024 23:22

If it was a man saying this chances are they are greatly exaggerating as they tend to do

Giggorata · 03/03/2024 23:24

I would say that emergency and sometimes non emergency but caring services are or can be stressful jobs.
Ones where you see people in poverty, illness and unhappiness, often without ways or resources to help them.

mynameiscalypso · 03/03/2024 23:24

I get stressed about work although my job isn't inherently stressful. It's partly because I put so much pressure on my self to perform at a certain level and partly quantity (rather than quality) of work.

Abarth · 03/03/2024 23:31

I believe that stress is how you perceive something, not the actual thing itself. I knew someone who was a welder and he said it was stressful. He then went and worked in a garden centre and said that was stressful. The common theme is the person, not the job

MorphandMindy · 03/03/2024 23:33

Can be a bit of both. I have a stressful job in terms of who I'm accountable to and what I have to get right, but the current company I'm in makes it far easier than the last place I worked.

DH has a very senior role and it would ordinarily be stressful but he’s been doing it for so long now he could do it in his sleep. However most of the stress comes from the fact that there are frequent redundancies and layoffs and the longer he’s there, the more expensive he gets and that means closer to the chopping block next time.

But we both stress about being able to do our work reliably and well, being late, not being a slacker, balancing getting home for the kids etc etc.

Catladyireland · 03/03/2024 23:36

I think you're not being unreasonable.

I find a lot of people act as though their job is very important and they act important because of it, as though it's a vocation. For many job positions, they would be replaced in the morning if they got sick.

I just have an issue with people acting better than others due to their career.

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 23:44

Also, does how likely you are to walk into another job with the same salary and benefits play at part?

Is the stress tied to the need to hold on to the job?

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 03/03/2024 23:47

Stresses obviously if a decision means you could kill people directly or indirectly and that doesn’t just mean emergency services. Or your mistake directly or indirectly contributes to the a loss financially or loss of reputation of an organisation.

DH Father messed up as finance director of a massive multinational firm many decades ago and directly contributed to it losing a lot of money.

Two of DH friends work in banking they make decisions that can make or lose huge amounts of cash.

My mate is safety manager of a massive petrochemical plant, she messes up well that’s a lot of deaths.

Or in any job if you are in charge of people, DH is responsible overall for about 500 people. So there is human nature side to deal with even if the actual operative and budget side is going smoothly. He is an incredibly calm person. My background means he can run things by me as we met working in the same arena and I understand his sector completely.

NewName24 · 03/03/2024 23:49

For many job positions, they would be replaced in the morning if they got sick.

Well yes, I imagine most jobs need someone in the role, but that doesn't mean the job isn't stressful.

Dartmoorcheffy · 03/03/2024 23:49

I cater lots of events. Weddings are stressful as you only get one chance to get it right.

trekking1 · 03/03/2024 23:49

There's a hell of a lot of posters who use the phrase "my husband has a very stressful job". - ooh yes, men's jobs are always SO stressful and SO important and the company would simply crumble if they didn't divide their full attention to the job... Meanwhile their female co-worker is doing the same job and probably most of the childcare, but still not going on about how stressed she is.

Neolara · 03/03/2024 23:53

I recently left a job I found very stressful. It was a mostly due to an unmanageable workload and being asked to work in ways that I felt were unethical. Also, I felt the management didn't have the skills to deal with this so there was little hope that things would get better. To give some context, by the time I left, our team was only 25% staffed, we were expected to complete work within a statutory timeframe which we had absolutely no possibility of doing (because we were only 25% staffed), there was a constant threat of being taken to court and demand for our service had increased by about 50% on two years previously.

LifeExperience · 03/03/2024 23:53

I'm a retired military officer. Stressful doesn't begin to describe it.

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/03/2024 23:53

I should add I knew a woman who worked in child protection services years ago and most of her hair fell out with the sort of stuff she saw. That’s the other thing seeing suffering.

TeenLifeMum · 03/03/2024 23:55

Db sells and buys stock and when we stayed with his family abroad we were about to go out and had to wait for an hour while he “sorted” something. He’d accidentally cost the business a few million dollars and had to work fast to recoup as much as possible. There’s lots of judgement and risk in his job so when it goes wrong it’s significant and stressful at those points… but he cooks, cleans and is a hands on father.

You could argue I have a stressful job - senior nhs - but I thrive on that. Most people in stressful roles are energised by that so it’s a poor excuse to be a shit parent imo but a convenient excuse to get a partner to do the grunt work.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 03/03/2024 23:57

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/03/2024 23:53

I should add I knew a woman who worked in child protection services years ago and most of her hair fell out with the sort of stuff she saw. That’s the other thing seeing suffering.

Similar here. I'd say my alopecia and chest pain, diagnosed by a Dr as due to stress from work and consequently signed off for (currently) 4 months is verification enough that my job is stressful. Tbf, most people quit before 5 years in the sector because of stress.

FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 23:58

I need stress in my job or I would be bored! There's different types of stress though, I like acute stress not chronic stress that leads to burnout. I'm a NHS clinical manager, leading a service.

Original poster
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 23:58

My job involves financial decisions and if I mess up it can cost money but that's what I'm there for. If it stressed me out, then surely it's not the right role for me.

I also manage staff. I don't find that stressful. Generally, I find if you treat people well, you get it back in abundance. If people treat staff poorly, then of course they are going to react to it and who can blame them.

That said, I am lucky in that I have a lot of discretion in terms of how I manage a team and also have a very good EAP for support and our leave entitlements are decent and cover a range of areas.

OP posts:
Blacknailer · 04/03/2024 00:00

I would describe my job in investment as very stressful. However, although I could lose the business a lot of money and I have difficult targets, the primary reason I am struggling with stress is lack of resources and very poor management by my boss, who is also undermining and bullying me. If it weren't for that I could deal with the job.

I try and remind myself that, unlike others, I'm not dealing with life or death decisions. I have a friend who is a front line type foreign correspondent and sees the worst of humanity and puts his life at risk. That is properly stressful!

SirQuintusAurelius · 04/03/2024 00:00

Your job is legitimately stressful if

  • your decisions or actions could result in someone living or dying or living in a paralysed or disabled state as a direct consequence of what you did or didn't do
  • your decisions or actions could lose someone their livelihood, their home or their children
  • your decisions or actions could result in someone innocent spending a life in prison or being executed.
  • your job puts your own life and limb at risk.

The rest of it is just exaggeration about time pressure and money.

Abarth · 04/03/2024 00:01

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/03/2024 23:53

I should add I knew a woman who worked in child protection services years ago and most of her hair fell out with the sort of stuff she saw. That’s the other thing seeing suffering.

I don't think this is the same thing as stress. I would say this is the effect of witnessing harrowing events, which must be extremely upsetting. Once you see something you can't unsee it😥

Blacknailer · 04/03/2024 00:02

SirQuintusAurelius · 04/03/2024 00:00

Your job is legitimately stressful if

  • your decisions or actions could result in someone living or dying or living in a paralysed or disabled state as a direct consequence of what you did or didn't do
  • your decisions or actions could lose someone their livelihood, their home or their children
  • your decisions or actions could result in someone innocent spending a life in prison or being executed.
  • your job puts your own life and limb at risk.

The rest of it is just exaggeration about time pressure and money.

Edited

Well perhaps but I'd say that the very poor management, bullying, constant fear of failure etc is also stress. A difference between the job being stressful and the working environment being stressful?

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/03/2024 00:14

I'm a domiciliary care worker on (less than) NMW. I'd describe my job as stressful.

I have a schedule that I need to keep to, as my clients need/expect to see me at their pre-arranged time.
I work 15hr days, and I commit myself to providing a high standard of care to all my clients - but, it's difficult, trying to tend to everyone's needs within a tight time frame, and get to my next person taking into account traffic etc.

I love my job, and I'm good at it. It's what I've done for 28 years, and I'm not giving up anytime soon.

Different type of stress to the sort of roles that'll be talked about about on this thread, but stressful all the same.