Does it ever feel enough?

[Pursuinghappy]

you know, you work, you earn, you get pay rises but you always end up wanting more. It’s like each promotion or whatever unlocks a higher level of spending, so you never ever feel truly comfortable and always somehow like you’re failing, never have quite enough money etc? There’s always the next level to achieve, more things you ‘need’ or more experiences you want to have.

anyone else feel like that?

i know, it’s about taking a sec to remind yourself about what you have and how blessed you/ I am/ are. I’m so fortunate for my beautiful children, and nice hone, to afford a car, have a well paid (probably not by MN standards) job. BUT I mean that feeling deep down that it’s not enough? Does anyone else feel that too?

YANBU

Looking back at how quickly my salary has jumped over my working life, I should have loads of disposable cash, but I don’t. As you say every next step in terms of salary just means you spend more!

Was talking about this to DH last night actually as we both said we need to be more strict when my new salary comes into effect next month and try to save it instead of just absorbing it

I feel the same OP. I am so grateful for what I have. Money in the bank, my own house, a job that I've always wanted but I want more. I want a better job, I want a house in the country, I want more money, I want, I want, I want 🙄

I can feel so grateful but why can't I be happy with what I have?

And I think it gets worse with kids, you want to take them on holidays, give them these experiences but there’s always something out of reach. A lot of the time I feel like I’m failing and not good enough for them but cognitively I know it’s stupid, we have more than enough

In our wider family we have a police officer, a senior academics", senior matron and a headmaster.
We are all just working to live and are dubious as to whether we can afford a holiday this year.
All these are vocations that we put absolutely everything into and I feel like, WTF? Where are the rewards?
It's like when you see good, useful business go when privatised water companies and utilities make billions of profit and are still allowed to pay shareholders while polluting the waterways and not paying proper amounts of tax. We've been had massively and are now effectively trapped.

I agree.

I am hoping my next jump (which should be in a few months) makes me feel like less like that.

At the moment, I have a home. I have cleared my debt. My kids are happy. We have plenty. But the next jump would mean I would move to a more suitable home. Which means bigger mortgage. But this house is tiny. Can’t get more than 2 people in the kitchen. Tiny bedrooms, no dining area, downstairs toilet which really bothers my autistic ds in the night.

I am hope the jump means I can spend the excess on a bigger mortgage and increased bills. So essentially have the same disposable income.

Then it would be 3/4 years before my next big jump unless I leave my employer. But already I am having doubts of moving is the right thing. Because I may not feel it’s enough.

I don't feel like this at all.

I feel comfortably off although we don't earn particularly well at all. We do live in a cheaper area of the country though.

I don't feel like I'm not giving enough holidays to my kids or anything either, even though we don't often go abroad.

I wonder why people do feel like this. Do you have any ideas why OP?

I don't feel like that at all. Almost the opposite. Since COVID I've just barely spent anything. We do weekends away and that's probably 70% of my spending but I still have disposable income left. I realize I'm lucky but sometimes it doesn't feel healthy.

I can't be bothered with it. I can't be bothered buying new clothes as I work from home, we eat out but generally eat cheaply in the week, I can't be arsed having my nails done or my hair cut. It's not just stuff about physical appearance either. I can't be bothered having the latest iPhone so I have no phone contract, our car is a functional estate. I'm just not interested in fluff or show.

Anyone else feel like COVID made them just realise what's important and that just isn't STUFF?

No to be honest I don't

I've stayed in the second house I bought - a very wobbly Victorian terrace, with horror of horror a downstairs bathroom.

I've never chased the property ladder. I live in a great location, I can walk pretty much anywhere I really need to go and have great public transport. So no need for a car. No its London and no I'm not lucky - I chose carefully according to my priorities.

Before I was a parent I travelled a lot, by the time I adopted my son I had been to most of the places I really really wanted to go to. Again I chose carefully, rather than ticking off a list of places to 'do'.

I earned a decent but average salary but because I hadn't saddled myself with a huge mortgage and car finance I've been able to give my son a good life, with holidays and a huge range of experiences.
Life is always about choices, you can either be content with them or not. I have a good, if not exceptional life, no need to be chasing after more. I choose to be content with what I have - which is good.

I guess capitalism?

perhaps it’s a specific personality type too?

i spend a lot on childcare so have less disposable income, but I also really want another child. I think I’m the type of person who wants the penny and the bun.

i think I probably compare myself to my peers, or some of my former school peers (think wealthy kids, private school and 90k a year jobs by 30, by contrast i was one of the poorer kids in my school, but definitely not poor, we stayed in Hilton’s rather than 4 seasons or plaza for instance.)

Mn average or actually average?

i don’t live in london, there’s no way I could live the life I want there, work there occasionally but have talked employer down to minimal office days and train it, long day but overall quality of life is better for it

Honestly no, I don’t feel like this, I have off days where I feel a bit ‘meh’ about everything like most people, but on the whole I do feel lucky and grateful and proud of myself for making my life into what it is today. I don’t have a massive house - far from it, I’ve got a tiny one bed flat - but after a bumpy career I’m finally in an area I feel good in, and I’m freelance which means I can set my own hours to a degree and have a great work life balance. I can work from anywhere so sometimes I’ll travel while working (mainly in Europe so there’s not too big a time difference to manage).

I’m happily childfree which probably makes a difference and I’m not interested in climbing the traditional corporate pole - I can’t think of anything worse than having to manage people or work somewhere really target driven. I might go back to full time one day if the right job comes along but I’m happy at the moment eschewing a potential bigger salary in favour of the freedom and flexibility freelancing gives. I’d like more space/a bigger flat but it doesn’t keep me up at night.

I grew up very working class and my lifestyle now is not one I ever thought I’d have so that probably makes a difference too, I have noticed on threads on this sort of topic that people from middle class backgrounds and more privilege tend to feel they don’t have “enough” because they can’t afford the same as their parents had at their age. Whereas my parents afforded fuck all so everything I’ve done feels like a achievement.

I think there is something in the upbringing @TedMullins you’re right

I'm thankful for everything that I have achieved, however in order to do the things I would like for me and my DC, I need to earn more.

I earn a very high salary and am a single parent. I live in a nice area, and have a huge mortgage. I'd like to extend my house, put my DC in private for secondary, and have money left over for holidays abroad every year.

I've had quotes for the extension of circa £150k, sending DC private would be £20k per year starting from a few years time, and the holiday would be £6k per year for us.

As I've not come from any kind of wealth (parents were care workers, moved to the UK before I was born), it's only me who can provide these things for my DC. DC's dad pays maintenance which would cover their extra-curricular activities, and nothing else.

Saying that, the things I have mentioned are all nice to haves, rather than necessities, so I could easily decide which are important, and sit with what I already have.

Secondary question, what do we define as very high salary?

The thing that shocked me more even though I learned to understand it but still leaves me thinking WTF is how someone can effectively get a pay rise that significantly increases their salary but their take home pay pretty much means they'll be able to afford to buy a large coffee instead of their usual medium. It's so guiling.

I usually define it as more than I currentLu earn

Ask me that 5 years ago it would be £50k plus (as I was on £28k at the time)

Ask me now and it’s anything over £150k as I’m on just shy of £80k

Exactly the same!

but from an outside POV you’ve done so so well, it have gone from 28 to 80 in 5 years. Well done you!

what’s your industry. I’ve just got to 55k in 5 years from 30 with 2 Mat leaves and I know that’s pretty good going but I’m still left feeling meh

I would define someone who has a very high salary as being an additional rate (45%) taxpayer, if in the UK.

no, don't feel like that at all, from my late 30's I've made career choices based on what I want to do rather than next step up - and on occasions I've chosen badly, walked away and taken a break or gone into a new role.

That’s over 100k isn’t it?

75k seems like the goal for me atm, but I don’t suppose if I get there I’ll feel like I’ve made it.

@Pursuinghappy

I did say decent, before I adopted my son around 32k. When I adopted him he had DLA and child benefit so probably total income under £40k. I'm a single parent.

I fully appreciate that I bought my house in 1999, I couldn't afford it now. And yes £32k bought more in 2000 than it does now. But because of my son's additional needs I worked part time and didn't go for promotions. My salary was still £32 k when I left last May
I have plenty of friends who went for the bigger houses, cars etc etc. They are still paying off mortgages- I'm not

Dh went back to work 3 years ago after several years out (ill health, then SAHD, then retraining).

I think we could have easily ended up in that position, just by moving house and it was tempting, but his work was initially quite precarious so we saved most of his salary against him maybe not having work the following year.

Now things are a lot more secure, but a big part if me just wants to keep saving. We had NO security net in those lean years. Now we have the rainy day buffer, can support ds1 at University, can replace things when we need to.

We also don't need to worry too much about the mortgage fix ending next year because it's a small mortgage on a cheap small property.

If we were on the same income though and it had happened gradually I've no doubt we'd feel like you do.

A lot of mnetters on our income wouldn't be happy living as we do though, and maybe our dcs will resent that we didn't spend more on lifestyle things plus they won't inherit the proceeds of a bigger house.

Fair play to you! As long as you’re happy (and you sound it) that’s the most important thing x

Additional rate of 45% is applied over £125,140 @Pursuinghappy.

You also get £0 personal allowance at that level, so every penny earned, is taxed.

The way to achieve significant salary increases is to move companies.

The largest increase I had was a jump of circa £40k, which was 46% of the salary I earned in the job I wanted to leave.

I never tell recruiters what salary I'm currently on, only the range I'm looking for, lowest and highest £50k apart, the lowest being what I'd accept as a minimum, about 20% more than current salary.