Ex partner talking to new girlfriend in front of me

[Blueeiffel]

For some context, been together eight years, father of my son. I ended our cohabitating arrangement owing to his alcoholism and fact he didn't lift a finger to help with housework and made me anxious on a daily basis. House is mine, we're not married so he's on notice to get out (3 weeks hopefully will be gone). I've asked him not to speak to his girlfriend in the house, they go on for hours and I find it really disrespectful as I can hear them even when in another room, especially so since I don't want him under my roof. My anxiety levels are really high. AIBU in asking him to take his conversations with her outside my home? I'm quite triggered now by anything he does, so will be good to get opinions as for obvious reasons I'm struggling to be objective. Thanks

@missmollygreen

i don't know why I raise to the bait.

@MILTOBE

Second line of the OP

@WandaWonder

Do you always have to be so pro whoever is being a twat?

it's HER house, he has NO rights.

Silly question 😂

Tell him if he doesn't pack it in he can go stay with her for the next 3 weeks. I'd pack his stuff so its noce and ready for him to make a point. You don't need to put up with anything. It's your house.

So he does not have a right to make a phone call with his own mobile?

Omg call the police how could he, if it was reversed people would say exactly that

How is he being a twat they have broken up?

Turn the music up loud...

Turn on music - the kind he hates.

About him being controlling if he had a go at the op calling someone it would 'you have to get out he is trying to control you, you live there too till you move out'

If you are letting him live there then he can call who he likes in the house he lives in (so long as it isn't on a landline you pay for)

If you don't want him to ring his new GF in the house then kick him out sooner so it's not the house he lives in any more

You should consider it a blessing. If he’s talking to her, he’s leaving you alone. He’s her problem now.

I’ve said yabu as I’d be wanting him to leave now and you could very well tell him to pack his bags now. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his leaving and getting upset at his speaking to her could be misconstrued as you still having feelings. Saying nothing or chucking him out now the way to go.

Why are you giving him three weeks? Just dump his stuff by the front door and change the locks if he’s still got his key.

Agreed - but I’d take it further.

I’d come into the room and as you’re coming in be calling loudly, Dave, can you clean the toilet please, it’s disgusting - oh sorry, I didn’t realise you were on the phone …

I’d do my best to interrupt his romantic conversations and would have great fun thinking up a variety of points to make …

For all the people saying chuck him out leave him in a shop doorway, perhaps op is trying to make as less shit for her son as it can be?

Oh yeah daddy lives in a shop doorway now. She's giving him a chance to sort his shit out.

I do feel it's a bit shitty what he's doing but I don't think op can really dictate who he speaks to either.

I will say if this was the other way round and it was a man chucking out his wife nobody would be encouraging her being chucked out with no notice and nowhere to go. I think op Is just being a decent human being to be honest.

Why is it three weeks? Is it because he has somewhere lined up to move into then?

Yeah, I would be tempted to ask him to stay with the new girlfriend for those weeks. However, the most important thing is that at the end of those three weeks he is gone and you change the locks and breathe a deep sigh of relief because you are back in charge of your life.

Why do you find it disrespectful? You ended the relationship,as such he is allowed to move on. It’s not like he’s cheating on you. If he takes the call in another room it’s fine, but it’s not ok to expect him to speak to her outside when he’s living there,

It’s been 3 weeks, how can he go and live with a woman he’s just met. Give over.

Get some earplugs.

I would just say you can’t go on like this for another 3 weeks and you’d like him to leave immediately. It doesn’t have to be about this particular thing or a conflict. It’s time to properly split up.

He is allowed to move on and surely part of that is not living with his ex who he is moving on from 🤭

Where is he going in 3 weeks? If there's a chance he's sticking his head in the sand and not organised somewhere to stay he could be buttering her up to become a cock lodger. You know no one falls in love quicker than a man who needs a roof over his head. I'd let him crack on with it, it's a means to an end i.e getting him the hell out of your house. Well done for not marrying him.

I think it is fine to say the gf can't come in the house, but to say he can't speak to her on the phone is probably feeding into whatever "crazy ex" narrative he will be spinning to his new gf.

As others have said, he is probably doing it to get a reaction from you. Either ignore, or fully react and tell him to get out sooner.

@WandaWonder

he can make all the calls he likes on HIS mobile, just not in her house.

you think, after 8 years together, talking to his new gf for hours on end in the OP's house, so she has to hear it all is acceptable? That doesn't surprise me, frankly, but most of us would be upset by it.

Yes, I agree that OP is being decent - but he’s taking the proverbial and there should be consequences. It’s basic good manners to respect someone whose house you are living in. Carrying on long, loud conversations with your new love is disrespectful.

@Blueeiffel toss him out the door!! and remember to change the locks!