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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to invite folk to my wedding and not have sit down meal

79 replies

doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 16:27

I got engaged on Sunday and have decided that I would rather have nice ring but other than that wedding on a shoe string budget. I can justify getting nice ring as its something I'll have forever and be able to pass onto my daughter but I can't justify paying a fortune on anything else and as such haven't told anyone we're engaged (as I can't be bothered getting pressured into something i can't afford. We plan just to get everyone together under false pretences and then get married and have a big party and buffet. Do you think its seems a bit tight not having sit down meal?. We won't be expecting wedding presents as noone will be aware we're gettig married and if we do use our childrens christening as an excuse to get everyone together we are going to stress we don't want presents and ask if folk really insist on giving something just make small donation to charity.

Thoughts and ideas appreciated please.

OP posts:
fleariddencat · 25/03/2008 17:00

sounds like a great party.

Original poster
doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 17:02

I have told my mum and dad as I do think it would be too big a surprise to spring on them. I been to functions before where they have more than one buffet table and avoids so much queueing.

i would also like nice dress farcnal but not an expensive one. I like quite simple wedding dresses anyway so I'm gong to see whats about. As long as my hair and make ups done nicely then expensive dress not that important. I'm known for spilling drinks so less gutting if my wedding dress doesn't cost too much!.

OP posts:
Peachy · 25/03/2008 17:05

I went to one years back where everything was home made- right down to the cheese and butter (parents ahd a goat herd in Scotland), it wasn't fancy- breads, salads, cheeses- but it was amazing and one of the most memorable weddings I have ever attended. Also went to one event where there was just a selection of puddings as a pudding buffet- yum!

raye123 · 25/03/2008 17:25

Congratulations on getting engaged! Re the ring - any family heirlooms lurking around??? My engagement ring is from dh's side of the family from a deceased aged aunt and it's seriously beautiful. For our wedding we wanted it to be really informal and certainly didn't want the hassle of table plans etc. We had a buffet and tables set up so people could sit with who they wanted and it went down really well. We also saved money by hiring the village hall and decorating it ourselves. It scrubbed up a treat! The most important thing is that the day is what you and your man want it to be. I had a 'battle book' from early on so I could write/stick things in as I came across them.
Good luck with all the organistaion - and remember it's YOUR day!

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 25/03/2008 17:39

It's your party and do what you want.
I would come if invited
Beware that people will moan whatever you choose to do...

Crunchie · 25/03/2008 19:05

I had a big weddinhg 180 guests and no sit down meal. I didn't even THINK of myself as being 'tight' I wanted to sepask to everyone.

A buffet is fine if that is what you want.

mum2sons · 25/03/2008 19:21

Have just been to a wedding where there was a buffet and no sit down meal. My honest opinion...it was all a bit chaotic, not enough chairs, only a few tables. It felt as though we had to wolf our food down a bit due to people wanting to sit down! It was quite a posh do in a lovely venue as well with gorgeous food and wine so it was a shame to not really be able to enjoy it. Also people with their posh frocks on having to balance a plate on their laps. I didnt care as having a toddler and newborn, i had baby sick and mucky hands on me and a bosom permanently exposed but just thought I would pass on my experience!

clam · 25/03/2008 19:37

Well, I'm not old or breast-feeding, but I'd welcome a chair to sit on. Impractical shoes et al.... Other than that, it sounds great. (or am I assuming that the opposite to "sit-down" meal automatically means "stand around til your feet and back ache?")

JammyQueenOfTheSewers · 25/03/2008 19:42

I wanted a buffet at our wedding (but in a room with lots of seating) and no sit down meal. But the place we wanted the wedding at refused to do a "free for all" buffet as they said they didn't do queues. They wanted everyone sat at tables and each table invited up to the buffet in turn. We didn't want that as we've seen cases where the first table then finishes eating by the time the last table is going up to be served, and didn't want that. So we compromised on having a selection of buffet food set out on each table so that everyone could serve themselves at once.

Izzybel · 25/03/2008 19:46

I think it sounds lovely! It's your special day so do what you want and don't feel pressured into trying to please everyone else. Congratulations

7monthsplus · 25/03/2008 19:53

I am in the same boat.. want the ring (for daughter) not a cheapo wedding that lets face it is not what me or fiance want.. we wont be pushed into doing things for everyone else and decided to go and get married and then tell everyone later (maybe with a dinner out together) this is not intended to offend anyone but is an expression of how we want the day to be about us.. we always planned it this way.
I did marry before in a church with big dress and sit down do.. waste of the £14K we spent and the source of many a financial argument thereafter.. it is not the DO that matters it is the man and you and having it how you want it as you cant get that day back.
good luck

jellybeans · 25/03/2008 19:55

We had a buffet and no sit down meal, it was great.

chubbymummy · 25/03/2008 20:04

Whatever you do someone is bound to have an issue with it so you might as well have the day you want. Planning it on the quiet means that nobody will get chance to stick their oar in either (wish I'd thought of that!!!). We didn't want a big sit down meal either and found it really difficult to decide who would come to the wedding and who would just be invited for the evening so we got married at 4pm, invited everyone and had a barbeque afterwards.
Congratulations and good luck!

poppysocks · 25/03/2008 20:24

We had a tiny wedding with just immediate family and then a party for the masses afterwards. Somehow, not inviting everyone to the ceremony lowered their expectations of what we should offer from 'wedding reception' to 'party'.

We had a buffet that worked well and was super cheap. Waitrose do great party food that you can order in advance and collect on the day. We then bolstered that with bread, cheese, chocolate and lemon tarts etc. from Tesco - again ordered in advance. On the day my father in law went out to collect everything and my sister coralled some friends into helping out with putting food out, serving for some of the more elderly and clearing plates. That bit was invaluable.

We didn't have a 'food is served' time either so people just drifted towards the food whenever they noticed it and plonked themselves down wherever.

We had great food and lots of it - canapes, main course, dessert and cheese, rather than just sausages and sandwiches for under £5 per head.

We were helped by the fact that it was summer (well, theoretically), which made it possible to have cold food and we just had a few warm canapes.

WestCountryLass · 25/03/2008 20:51

Not read anyone elses replies but when we were plannina UK wedding, we were going to get married at 4.30pm, have a hot buffet and then just party!!!! My Dhs family critised this and wanted the whole traditional affair so we went to Sri Lanka (without them).

Original poster
doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 21:32

to be honest although i said no sit down meal i did have in mind plenty of seating but just grab a bite to eat style buffet. Also thinking of the kids any ideas how to entertain them? Will be lots of babies around 10 months lots of 2 and 3 year olds. I dont mind paying to keep kids entertained and happy.

OP posts:
Pebblemum · 25/03/2008 22:08

Firstly congratulations on getting engaged

I had a buffet for my wedding and it was lovely, plenty of choice for those fussy eaters that usually find something wrong with their meal (if they didnt like it they didnt have to pick it)and people felt more able to 'mingle' rather than be stuck at their designated table. We got married at 4.30pm so that by the time the service was over and the photos taken it was going to be too late to have a sit down meal.

My wedding was done on a budget and although i had 'the works' ie church, cars, 5 bridesmaids etc it only cost around £3,500 which is cheap compared to others (my sil's cost £11,000 and to be honest there wasnt a lot of difference between ours and hers, I just shopped around more lol)

As for entertaining kids, I recently went to a wedding where the children had their own little party away from the adults while the speeches and first dances were going on, there was a clown making balloon animals and lots of music and play things to amuse the LO's. The kids had a great time, they were each given little party packs with pens and colouring books, bubbles, etc (things suited to their age) that they could play with once they were back with the adults. It was a great reception, there were no children moaning they were bored and their parents had a great evening too. Not sure how much it set the bride and groom back but it was worth it to see the smaller children having a great time

Pebblemum · 25/03/2008 22:10

By the way I did make sure there were enough table and chairs for everyone to be able to sit down although my cousins prefered to prop up the bar lol

squareheadcut · 25/03/2008 22:22

a friend just got married - he had a sit down meal but was very restrictive on numbers hence i wasn't invited - i think that was really tight. a buffet and an invite is much more generous than a sit down meal and a tight guest list - oh and he also asked for cash as a wedding gift! bloody cheek.

kitbit · 26/03/2008 07:55

congratulations! We had our wedding ceremony then went to a local venue and had an informal buffet while the wedding venue was set up for the evening. We then all went back and had a ceildh, and another buffet was put out at around 9pm. Everyone had enough to eat, they all sat with people they knew on the tables and chairs around the buffet, and it cost peanuts. Well, relatively! It was lovely too as we could do more mingling while eating. Mind you we didn't have speeches, if you want speeches you might have to think how you'd work them in. We just tapped a glass halfway through the ceildh and thanked everyone for coming (much to the relief of my Dad I think!)

SheherazadetheGoat · 26/03/2008 08:16

i didn't want a wedding ring (well ididn't want to get married but that is another story) but dh went to a jewellry fair and found a lovely ring and we had matching rings made, they are lovely and i am glad we splashed out as hopefully we will have them for a long time. we also had a lovely day, lots of friends and neighbours helped out with flowers and cake etc.

buffet should be fine but agree with cod get some anally retentive aged aunts to stand guard over the sausage rolls to make sure it works.

Moorhen · 26/03/2008 09:30

I had a buffet. Didn't get anything to eat myself tho, as DH's greedy family had all had thirds by the time some guests queued for the first time. We had to fork out an extra £100 to get a few more sarnies made.

That said, I think it's a good idea - just keep an eye on the portions and have a word with woofer relatives beforehand .

swerve · 26/03/2008 10:54

a wedding is your celebration of your relationship and you decide how to make the party spark. The worst (as a guest) is when you get served up airplane food, whether by wait-staff or not. buffet or self serves can be fantastic. Some of my favs are the pig roasts, or friends who served bangers and mash (cos it was the groom's favourite food) or the one where there was seating but each table served themselves (lasagne & salad at one, a leg of lamb at another) - the nominated server was given a funky apron. I love the idea of having a picnic! very cool!

Make sure there is enough alcohol as running out is a party killer. (or is that just me? hic!).

Bling on the finger lasts longer. the party is remembered, the food is not.

Elkat · 26/03/2008 15:54

If you do a buffet, don't do the whole sit down, table plan thing because a) it just looks cheap / naff and b) its really cr@appy when you have to watch everyone else eat and you're stuck on the last table to be called up...you wait for ages, starving hungry what with watching everyone else eat and smelling all the lovely food, eventually getting to the buffet only to find all the food has gone!

I went to one such wedding last year, and the food was so unbelievably dire that I actually considered taking my daughters to Mc Donald's instead. Thankfully, I had suspected the food would be naff, and so had brought a range of sandwiches in the car, so we snuck out after the meal.

If you're doing it as a party, then I'd say keep it informal - if you do that, then it looks like you're trying to have a small and intimate / informal wedding, whereas if you do it all formal, then it might end up looking naff. I have also bee to weddings that have been kept informal (partly to do with cost), one where we just went to a pre-booked restaurant afterwards... and I have to say they have been some of the best weddings I have been to. Money is not the key factor, the key thing I would say is to keep the formality / scale of the wedding in line with the budget!

PrimulaVeris · 26/03/2008 16:05

I had a buffet for my wedding - was not a cheap option (v. expensive buffet this was) but a deliberate choice. Waiters going round with offerings (mostly finger stuff) rather than being called up.

This was because first time all sides of both my and dh's family had got together for a long time, plus our uni friends ... we wanted to go round and TALK to people, not sit at some high table with close family who we see regularly anyway. Plus we hate formality and can't be arsed with politics of table plans. And meant we could all go outdoors as it was a lovely summers day.

When we announced this was a plan caused a lot of with some family who thought we were cheapskating, but afterwards we had so many letters from them who said what a lovely social occasion it was.

Wedding buffets - way to go, I say