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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to invite folk to my wedding and not have sit down meal

79 replies

doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 16:27

I got engaged on Sunday and have decided that I would rather have nice ring but other than that wedding on a shoe string budget. I can justify getting nice ring as its something I'll have forever and be able to pass onto my daughter but I can't justify paying a fortune on anything else and as such haven't told anyone we're engaged (as I can't be bothered getting pressured into something i can't afford. We plan just to get everyone together under false pretences and then get married and have a big party and buffet. Do you think its seems a bit tight not having sit down meal?. We won't be expecting wedding presents as noone will be aware we're gettig married and if we do use our childrens christening as an excuse to get everyone together we are going to stress we don't want presents and ask if folk really insist on giving something just make small donation to charity.

Thoughts and ideas appreciated please.

OP posts:
Chequers · 25/03/2008 16:40

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Bouncingturtle · 25/03/2008 16:41

I think most people prefer buffets - easier to mix and also with sitdown meals you tend to have a limited menu where as with a buffet you can cater to all tastes. But it's your wedding you do what you like, don't feel you have to break the bank. My wedding including the honeymoon coast less than £6000 (about 4.5 years ago - my how time has flown!) and we had a wonderful time as did all our guests.

chrissnow · 25/03/2008 16:41

Go for it!! We had a buffet (lots of children there and its easier to feed and eat buffet style with kids I think). Yes there was 1 person who asked someone "where the nearest McDonalds is." as they were "starving" Good job I was told much much later on as a bride decking one of the guests is not a good look!!! But as littlepudding said it was in fact the same person who has to comment on something at every occasion and every function they ever go to.
Have a lovely wedding.

GreatAuntieWurly · 25/03/2008 16:42

TBH I think that having a buffet is a lot easier then making sure that the hot food option caters for everyone. There will always be some distant aunt or uncle that doesnt eat what you choose then you have the hassle of offering them an alternative and so on and so on. Buffets are a lot more informal and people can just mingle around and chat

barnstaple · 25/03/2008 16:42

Oh how lovely. That was pretty much how I wanted my wedding to be. Go for it. Have a wonderful day.

Original poster
doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 16:42

Thanks everyone.
I guess I don't really need an expensive ring codbod but hey so what I want one and cost per wear and all that I guess it won't work out too expensive.

OP posts:
moondog · 25/03/2008 16:43

God, sounds brill.
Tonnes better than putting your friend Susie from uni between 'Uncle' Dave who used to help your dad with his oil changes and your alcoholic divorcee cousin Sandra.

Sitdown meals are crap.Much more of a laugh for people to mingle and get legless talking to who they want to talk to.

Just make sure you have none of the following:

-grey clammy chicken legs
-lurid pink dips encased in plastic
-any kind of rice salad (vom)
-anamemic chunks of 'French stick'
-an Abba medley
-a grease medley
-a Motown medley
-a Rocky Horror medley

Actually,on second thoughts,go with the medleys (surely de rigeur now in all British nuptuals) but trust me on the food issue.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/03/2008 16:43

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Chequers · 25/03/2008 16:44

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pukka · 25/03/2008 16:44

a buffet sounds like a lovely idea.
dont get pressured into doing anythingyou dont want to do. but i would sugest not springing it as surprise

MaryAnnSingleton · 25/03/2008 16:45

do whatever you want, though a bit of food is good - canapes and stuff to mop up champagne...

morningpaper · 25/03/2008 16:45

That's what I did last year - it was all v. cheap, about 80 people and a surprise party - cost very little

The only annoying thing was that we did REALLY want some people to be there but we couldn't say "BUT WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!" so we just had to accept that certain good friends couldn't make it (because it was 'just a summer party') - that was a bit gutting but no way around that one

good luck

EyeballsintheSky · 25/03/2008 16:45

Sounds great. Best wedding I ever went to had the reception back at their house with the buffet and drinks laid out in the garage and everyone sitting in the front room. Then they all went to the pub after.

One thing I learnt from my wedding was have whatever YOU and DP want. Everyone will fall in line as they'll be happy at the occasion and will have a great time.

Congratulations

morningpaper · 25/03/2008 16:46

total cost was about £400 including food and alcohol - everyone bought loads of wine etc too

bergentulip · 25/03/2008 16:47

I think it is a great idea. Was going to do something similar for mine. (ran away in the end cos of all the hassle)

We were going to have table laid nicely, but the food served either canape style - risotto in bowls etc... coming round, pastas etc... that people could grab, and either eat standing up if they felt daring, or grab the food of choice and take it to a table where they wanted. Same with a pud a bit later.
Therefore no queuing up waiting for everyone in front to fill their plates up first. Just keep chatting until you see some feed pass by that tickles your fancy.

No formality, no hours and hours or sitting next to the same boring person, no table plans, no politics.
Sounds LOVELY what you are doing, springing a surprise wedding on them all. How could anyone object as there won't be any expectations surely?

morningpaper · 25/03/2008 16:47

oh you can't just get married in your own garden though

lots of laws and stuff

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/03/2008 16:47

This reply has been deleted

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bergentulip · 25/03/2008 16:48

(by the way- meant that me AND fiance ran away.... not that I left him at the altar !!!!!!!)

moondog · 25/03/2008 16:49

If you do a buffet,arrange it so that people move down both sides of table and not queue in patient but resigned manner of cattle going to the abbatoir.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/03/2008 16:50

Sorry agree with Moondog...

I refused to queue at a buffet, and waited until the queue had thinned out.

There was no food left...

LazyLinePainterJane · 25/03/2008 16:51

we had a picnic

dizzydixies · 25/03/2008 16:53

no problem with buffet events, we had a buffet for the evening guests and it was lovely food

would you consider a summer wedding with all day bbq even? friend of ours doing that this summer and I think its a great idea - people can dip in and out of it whenever they're hungry etc - just hope its not raining lol

you're never going to please everyone attending and someone will always find something to moan about so do it the way you want to, its YOUR day and you get to enjoy it

congratulations to you and your df!

FarCanal · 25/03/2008 16:53

We only told close family we were getting spliced. We went to the local Register office with his Bro and my Sis for witnesses. Then to our fave country pub for a meal, then back to ours for bubbly. I had a nice frock, (at £175 the most expensive part of the wedding!) and flowers. We took photos and sent them to everyone afterwards to announce it, along with a card explaining that that was the way we wanted to do it as a big 'do' wasn't up our avenue and what a lovely day we'd had.

Original poster
doublethetrouble · 25/03/2008 16:57

I have thought about not perhaps getting everyone to turn up if its just a party but still thats just the way it is I guess. I don't think there would be anyone not come that I was totally gutted about. especially if we used the christening excuse. Hoping to perhaps get kids christened at same time if possible. Need to do some research!.

OP posts:
fleariddencat · 25/03/2008 16:58

actually we went to a wedding where you had to pay for your own meal.they had it in a local italian resturant, we didnt mind but there was quite alot of bitching going on.

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