Overweight child - help needed!

[Cheescake3303]

I've posted before about this and took on board everyone's feedback but the situation is now worse and I don't know how to approach it.

13yr old DS is overweight, always been a bit on the larger side but its getting worse. When I asked before everyone reminded me it was in my control and I had a really good think about portion sizes, food type etc and we made some changes.

I thought we were on the right track but his weight is going up. It's now become clear he's swapping helping friends with homework for food and also stealing food from out cupboard. (We don't have crisps/chocolate or anything, it's things like bread).

He's obsessed with when he will be getting his next meal and what other people are eating.

I know the advice is never to make an issue if this but it's really concerning and I don't know what to do - would appreciate any advice!

Just catching up on the newest messages. Lots of people suggesting a more protein rich breakfast which I hadn't considered so will look into some options.

He does have some treats but fruit and veg is always available and he really enjoys it.

He does football and cricket and walks to and from school.

Someone did suggest we were maybe too involved, I hope that isn't the case, we have a great relationship and he's an amazing kid, food isn't something we talk about in front of him (outside what is normal) and he has a lot of freedom in his life.

Again, I appreciate the responses, he was involved in tea tonight (salmon with wholewheat pasta followed by greek yogurt and honey) which he enjoyed and I upped the pasta portion a little to see if keeping him fuller helps reduce the snacking

How much exercise does he get by playing football and cricket and walking? Because that could be very variable and I am wondering whether perhaps he's not exercising enough. Do you mean an hour of football or ten minutes in the playground?
I read a study a while back that said that children need on average 90 minutes of exercise a day. I can honestly believe that judging by my DS but I doubt many children get that. My DS is 12 and had an hour and a half of football training today, followed by an hour and a half of tennis later in the day. Tomorrow a football match and then rugby later in the day. That's his choice - he really does love it.
He's probably the most active out of his friends but they are also all pretty active.

I think @Duvetday1 is right and exercise rather than food rationing is the answer. How much sport does he do each day? Up that. Get him to join a gym or go out running. Then the weight will drop.

If he is ok to use supplements, try chromium tablets to control his blood sugar, hence appetite.
If it takes to remove pasta and bread at home, you have to do it. It's empty calories and addictive, can relate to it. The food industries are profiting on children seeking for UPF and school meals aren't particularly healthy, often empty starch and a few veg.
Try to cook sone whole foods with high fibre content, like chickpea - chicken quesadillas with thick tortilla, spinach smoothies with oats / frozen berries and peanut butter. These foods will help ti regulate his appetite if he is willing to cooperate. Good luck 😊

I was wondering whether joining something like the Scouts would help him.

It would add a bit more activity to his week and he might find it helpfully distracting.

Again, I appreciate the responses, he was involved in tea tonight (salmon with wholewheat pasta followed by greek yogurt and honey) which he enjoyed and I upped the pasta portion a little to see if keeping him fuller helps reduce the snacking

Perhaps up the protein? And add fibrous carbs such as baked sweet potatoes and butternut squash

Pasta is very 'empty', like bread

Yes, exactly. This is the up-to-date research on weight management issues for some people & why I advised OP to seek a specialist endocrinologist consultation.

I haven't read the responses so sorry if I'm repeating. It sounds like emotional eating, my son is 18 now and is the same regarding food (he is 6ft 4 and 18st) he acknowledged his problem was eating to deal with past trauma (he was picked on at school before going to a SEN school).
I know you will be exploring the food issues, but in the meantime to help his weight maybe start doing more physical activities to help, I've had to do this with my daughter who is overweight, she knows she is (I never say it to her, it's her own acknowledgement) so she has asked my to give her healthy food and I've got her swimming lessons and we go for walks. Maybe your son could do something active he loves? Make all his snack choices healthy. Also don't blame yourself

We signed upy lad to 2 lots of cadets and swimming club. Plus take him trampolining. It has helped slow the weight gain down. He is the same weight he was 6 months ago and grown an inch.

So, clubs to keep him occupied (something 5 days a week) and where they do a ton of exercise that they don't realise they're doing.

We have the same issue with the food obsession. I have to hide treats that we have. I've bought smaller plates so the food looks like more than it is.

Genetic testing has been done. Not PW or Kleinfelter. He is autistic though. Waiting on results of obesity generally testing.

We've also begun to point out about choosing 'healthy' options (no mention of weight). So when they ask for pudding but they had a milkshake earlier, we point that out and ask them to think about if having pudding on top is a healthy choice. Perhaps save the pudding for tomorrow.

We only really did fruit as a pudding when they were little. And we don't do treat pudding every day. Maybe once a week.

We also bulk out meals with a bag of steamed veg.

I really recommend reading Ellyn Satter’s book- she’s written a few but ‘Your Child’s Weight, helping without harming’ -was life changing for us when we were struggling with DD’s weight.

It’s a bit of a mindset shift in that she’s very clear the aim is not about weight loss as such, but about ensuring kids learn to regulate their eating, and listen to their own hunger signals, so that they grow as nature intended- she’s clear that some kids are bigger than others and that’s ok (but she also explains really well how any kind of food restriction invariably has the opposite affect- kids will be hungry and just over eat at other times).

Her methods are pretty straightforward and involve regular meal and snack times, ideally as a family where possible, where you are in charge of what food is offered, and the child can eat as much as they like of these foods, within these meal and snack times. (And then no snacking at other times). A lot of the advice about portion size out there is woefully inaccurate, and she goes into all the research about this.

It sounds counterintuitive in a way to let them eat as much as they want (of the foods you’re serving that is)- and when we started it with DD it was a bit scary seeing how much she ate- BUT that is quite normal, and was a result of us previously restricting her portion sizes (as we had been advised to do- but hadn’t helped at all). Once she trusted that she was going to be able to eat until she was full (I stress again- at the meal and snack times we had decided on, and from the healthy foods we’d provided)- she completely settled down, with some days eating a lot and others less, as is the norm. She’s a very active and healthy weight now.

Not everyone agrees with the methods, but I’d honestly say give it a read (she has a website with lots of info too I think) and see what you think. I’d list it in my top 3 parenting books of all time, and I read a lot of them!!

This book sounds great