Overweight child - help needed!

[Cheescake3303]

I've posted before about this and took on board everyone's feedback but the situation is now worse and I don't know how to approach it.

13yr old DS is overweight, always been a bit on the larger side but its getting worse. When I asked before everyone reminded me it was in my control and I had a really good think about portion sizes, food type etc and we made some changes.

I thought we were on the right track but his weight is going up. It's now become clear he's swapping helping friends with homework for food and also stealing food from out cupboard. (We don't have crisps/chocolate or anything, it's things like bread).

He's obsessed with when he will be getting his next meal and what other people are eating.

I know the advice is never to make an issue if this but it's really concerning and I don't know what to do - would appreciate any advice!

How much sugar is he having OP? How much squash and what do you make his smoothie with (or what does he make his smoothie with)?

It may be a case of being hit by hidden sugars.

On average a male at 13 years will burn more calories than an adult female. Maybe his meal should be as big as yours with the emphasis on protein. Also, increasing the proportion of healthy fats in his diet may help (full cream milk, nuts, olive oil in meals) may help him feel more satisfied and less inclined to want to snack on unhealthy foods (obtained by 'selling' his homework help)

To add my experience; I had a similar issue with my DS at this age and, as a previous poster, a growth spurt eventually happened quite a bit later than most of his contemporaries.
We are a fairly tall family but his now 6'5 height is a surprise. DS is still a pretty chunky, rugby player build and eats like 'insert huge animal here'.
It is difficult when your teen is clearly overweight, I think I may even have posted a thread on here when he was around your DS's age, but I'm now so relieved I didn't make huge issues over it, having seen how important self-esteem is during A-levels/Uni, and how some of his friends have struggled.

Going against the flow probably but can you try easing up on portion control at meals? Sounds like possibly he's not getting enough wholesome food to fill him up which may be driving him to fill up on snacks.

You could also try upping his protein intake, encourage him to snack on cheese and yogurt if he must snack.

You could also try locking cupboards if he is stealing food. Not ideal I know.

You can see here OP that teen boys of his age would generally need more calories than adult women. He’s short so he might need a bit less than average (though not if he’s about to have a growth spurt)

But anyway - unless you’re a triathlete, if he’s getting less than you for dinner he is probably hungry and eating junk to compensate

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/how-many-calories-do-teenagers-need/

I agree with the protein advice, and would specifically make breakfasts high protein. Egg muffins have become a hit here, but also things like scrambled egg with left over meats from dinner (and some veg) etc...

For a boy that age I would think giving hin a half portion of whatever you said you’re eating for a main mea, is not gonna be enough for him (generally speaking). That’s why he may be snacking in between. He probably needs a portion the same size of yours to fill him up for several hours.

Yeah I agree with the advice already given above OP, 1/2 - 2/3 of your meal is too little. He needs the same as you, if not more than you. Give him more good quality filling food, then he won’t feel hungry and secretly binge on empty calories.

Thanks again everyone. Just had a great muddy walk with him and we talked about food but it came up naturally as he wanted to moan about the lunch queue this week. We talked about some foods that he may like that would keep him fuller and he liked the idea of having chicken as a snack. I'll take on board the portion size.

I did ask him to stop doing his friends work in return for food and just explained that it's not great to be doing others homework and also reminded him there's a lot of sugar in the snacks his friends buy him.

I've asked him to help me reach my running goal so going to make more of an effort to get him out running with me.

For now i'm not going to raise it the the GP, we're seeing them anyway and if it comes up then I'll address it then but will see if upping protein portions and some extra exercise will help. The weather has meant that so much of his sports games are being called off so that's also not helping.

I really appreciate everyone's advice today, I don't feel quite as overwhelmed but also know I need to take this quite seriously

You need to look for outside help asap so this addiction is sorted before he reaches adulthood. Also, make your own bread and preferably not white. This is because breads (especially those in plastic bags) are super ultra processed with lots of emulsifier. I got a Samsung breadmaker 18 months ago for about £130 from Argos and never looked back. At least I know what I'm putting into my family's mouth. Also, at 13, don't give him pocket money to spend at school shop. No snacks at all, just genuine meals.

What’s he eating for breakfast on the way to school? I’d get him eating a protein rich breakfast at home.
What exercise does he do?

Why are so many people saying to take him to the GP, he's a slightly chunky 13 year old he's not sick. OP I'd suggest that a smoothie isn't a sufficient breakfast, would he get up a little earlier and eat something like weetabix or porridge that will keep him sated? Tell him that he's screwing his friends over by doing their homework for them as they'll be stuffed when they have to do these tasks themselves etc

What's in the breakfast smoothie? Is there plenty of protein and fibre to keep him feeling full? Greek yoghurt, protein powder, oatbran, peanut butter (sugar free one) that sort of stuff?

Or is it just fruit/veg and milk?

I was always hungry and craving junk food as a child. I think this was because I wasn't getting enough protein, as most of our meals were based around carbs with a small portion of protein. Once I started eating a good portion of protein at every meal those cravings vanished. Maybe try protein shakes, yogurts or mousses as a snack (doesn't have to be permanent) and see if that impacts the cravings.

I was a fat child and a fat adult, and I just recently started Saxenda, and frankly, I feel a bit angry that I've spent nearly 40 years blaming myself and trying so hard to lose weight, when it turns out that I literally just have it so much harder than people who feel like this (ie. not always able to eat) naturally.

The only times I've lost weight is when i've done prodigious, unsustainable amounts of exercise.

It might not be emotional eating/issues at all (I blamed my weight on that for years) - it might simply be that it's harder for him, because he has to manually control what he's eating, and he doesn't have the will to do that. It's a lot of work.

In terms of the psychology of food, any perceived deprivation or becoming over hungry is likely to lead to overeating. The food you’ve described him eating really isn’t much to fuel a growing teenager and I think it’s likely that when he gets hungry he reaches for quick easy food, which these days is normally full of crap. As a starting point I’d be trying to get him to eat more filling meals and healthy regular snacks.

What kind of activities does he take part in when he is not at school?

I'm wondering whether a new activity would make a difference.

It is true that protein really helps reduce the kind of sugar craving hunger that prompts over-eating.

Add some vanilla protein powder or nut butter to the smoothie. Or make him an egg and ham/ham and cheese/smoked salmon and cream cheese wholemeal or seeded bagel thin for breakfast so the balance of protein to carb is good.

Does he do any sports?
Perhaps he needs to be more active and burn of the calories.

I think you need to give him full dinner portions.

Don't depend on organised outdoor sports for him for fitness/ running off the weight.

Swimming would be better - not weather dependent and a super all-body workout.

Or get him a gym membership and go with him to use cardio equipment and weights.

Is your son using overeating as a means of having control in his life?
You sound very involved, and I wondered if was feeling under pressure for being judged as overweight?
Are you able to involve him more in cooking , choosing and making meals. There are courses out there teaching young people to cook healthier.
My DD went through a phase a few years ago and put on a lot of weight. Covid helped us a lot. We went back to basics , plan weekly menu, helps me cook and shop on line - less temptation !
We go for more walks exercise but the emphasis is health and making better choices.
Its taken a few years but she’s 4 stone lighter and much less tired.

Needs protein for breakfast rather than a smoothie or still have the smoothie with something in addition to keep him full for longer.

There was a study where teens given breakfasts with 35g of protein and they naturally ate on average 400 calories less. I was definitely a hungry kid and I think it was a lack of protein too. If he’s having salmon for dinner it sounds like you are doing fine. But try front loading protein instead, big hearty protein breakfasts.

Going against the grain here too - but not having any snack items in the house other than fruit or veg sounds like quite a miserable offering for a 13 year old.. sorry, I just wonder how long you have made those the only snacks available, is it a recent thing or has it been like that since he was a young child? I just wonder if he is pushing back against this and indulging in the unhealthy food with his friends because he knows he isn't allowed any at home (even if you don't present it as that, maybe that's how he feels). No homemade cakes or biscuits or pizzas at all?

I get he's overweight but making certain foods 'prohibited' may be creating a stronger desire for food like chocolate and crisps, especially as he sees all his friends eating them, probably with little restraint. And I'd definitely make his portion size the same as yours. And maybe have higher fat content snacks available like humus, avocados, nuts, dried fruit, full fat yogurt, dark chocolate etc...

Honestly, I'd try and relax a little and do your best to get him more active. Are there any sports he likes that he can do on a regular basis? Can he walk to school everyday or go on regular long bike rides?

Can he join a gym and you can go with him? Better gyms have junior memberships and sessions for parents and kids. My 14-year-old daughter regularly goes to the gym.