Is he being out of order?

[Dogmum89]

On holiday with DH at the moment and we have been having some issues last few months but working through them. Most of holiday has been good but there's been a few comments last night for example and I am feeling fed up of being told what to do.
I have planned the entire holiday and got us around so got my phone out at the end of dinner when waiting pay to see where we could go for a drink. He snapped at me to put my phone away and saying I'm so rude bringing my phone out in the middle of the meal. I put it face down on the table and he told me to put it away. Earlier I'd been sitting with my elbow on the table and he told me to sit up straight and get my elbows off the table. The waiter topped our wine up through the meal and I'd apparently had more by the end so he said you can pour that last glass for me as you have already had more.
Maybe I just have bad etiquette and I'm open to that being the case but I being unreasonable to think this is a bit controlling? I feel like a child not an equal partner. Sorry if this sounds petty but recently small things like this are constantly happening and I don't know if I'm the one who's wrong here.

How long have you been with him?

How old was he when you met him? He may come with a past that you don't know about and he could be transferring his feelings onto you. Sorry for all the questions.

He’s not treating you with you respect - you’re not doing anything wrong

I second the above you planned a lovely holiday and all he can do is put you into check. This is your life do you really want to be with a damp squid.

If he is saying to you "if you don't act like a child I wouldn't have to treat you like one" then my honest opinion is that your relationship may not be quite on the rocks, but you passed the lighthouse some time ago.

Unless you have very good reasons for staying in this relationship, I would be working out my exit strategy.

Your marriage is dead. He's treating you like a naughty child, not like a wife. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Honestly, I'd just go home, call it a day on the holiday and the marriage.

This man does not like you let alone love you.

Please do yourself a huge favour and leave him.

Not sure that ' working through the issues' has been quite what you thought it was. Seems to me that he's been training you. That you should even doubt yourself over these incidents is evidence.

YANBU HIBU

This is not what happens in a mutually respectful relationship.

@Dogmum89 Gawd he sounds apallingly controlling. Do you really want to stay with him? Are there any positives to your relationship?
Please know you have done nothing wrong whatsoever and he is dreadful.

He sounds grim TBH .He is being controlling and negative towards you .I would think about whether you wish to continue this RL if I were you

Do you have self esteem and anxiety or do you just have a shit partner?

I wouldn't be ok with being spoken to like that. In fact, I'd probably get up and leave if my partner lectured me about table manners. Does he always treat you so disrespectfully? He just doesn't sound very nice to be honest!

What a horrible man.

He sounds like a prick!

Your 'D' H is a controlling twat.

Thanks for all the responses. Yes I'm not happy with the way he is treating me. Not that this is a particularly new thing but it was very obvious last night when we are having a nice evening with no stresses and he snaps at me like that. The majority of the holiday was really nice and he was in good spirits but unfortunately last night has but a big downer on it for me and questioning our marriage. So of course there are good times which makes it hard to think about him being controlling.

He sounds like a bossy bastard.

Change how he makes you feel when he says something bossy and when he does it again tell him to f off in your own way. If you are happy most of the time then learn to stick up for yourself and tell him to calm down dear.

Im guessing that this is not just these issues. It is really rude getting your phone out during a meal. You are there to spend time with each other. Are you often ignoring him?

The elbows on the table...hes being silly but perhaps hes thinking you're trying to spoil a nice evening out and hes picking on something insignificant

@Maddy70 fair enough, I got my phone out when he asked where are we going next as I have done all the research for where to go.

Why would I be trying to spoil the night out that I am enjoying too? Or I was just full from eating and not being very self aware. This comment was before the phone etc

@Dogmum89

Urgh! I wouldn't want to remain in a relationship with someone who thinks he's better than me and can tell me what to do whenever he pleases. Especially if I'd been capable enough to research and book the whole holiday apart from anything else I was managing in my life.

With someone sniping at me I'd find it very hard to relax and be myself and might start losing my self-confidence, instead of feeling supported by my supposed life partner. 🌹

@Newestname002 yes I think that's what is happening as I have been really lacking self esteem and feeling anxious

Yep.
OP your husband is a controlling bullying dickhead. Pull him up over it now...do not tell me to put phone away.. do not tell me to sit up straight...none of your business.

How long have you been suffering from anxiety and self esteem issues?

I wonder if there is a connection between that and his controlling behaviour.

It's a major red flag.

Youre in an abusive relationship OP

Oh and this....

But yes he makes me feel like a child however if I say anything it will be met with "well don't act like a child and I wouldn't have to treat you that way".

"Look what you made me do", a common refrain from abusers.

🚩