Single, early menopause - should I use a sperm donor?

[NeededARant]

Hi all,

I am 26 years old and was recently diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. I’m still getting infrequent periods and am considering using a sperm donor.

I have long suspected something is wrong as I’ve never had normal periods but was fobbed off by multiple doctors. Only after going privately with my works health insurance was I finally diagnosed.

I am single and any chance of having a child is quickly disappearing. Would I be crazy to do this alone with a donor? I currently live in London and don’t earn a huge amount. My current working hours would absolutely not suit having a baby - I work 10am to 8pm shifts.

No family in London either but I know my parents would be supportive if I did go ahead. I can’t help but feel selfish for even considering it. Would it be fair on any future child? Maybe even if I did go ahead it won’t work out, so am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

On the other hand, will I be kicking myself a few years down the line when I am childless thinking I could have at least tried but didn’t take the opportunity?

Sorry, just needed to vent and hopefully get some outside perspective.

I would go for it.
You already know you want kids, not worth the risk of waiting based on your diagnosis. Best of luck

Sorry to hear that. If this is your last chance you can probably make it work. How much do you earn? Can you do 10-6 then wfh when baby is asleep? Or you could price up a nanny share. Or move near your parents?

I think you should go for it. My cousin did it herself and she lives in Australia when all her family are in the UK. She makes it work.

Go for it. I’ve got 3 friends in mid 30’s who’ve done it, and are very happy with their choices.

As someone with the same, and wasnt diagnosed until a year out the other side, I'd say do it.

Have you had investigations to see why you have premature ovarian failure? This is important.

Honestly, I’d go for it, especially since you have supportive parents. Jobs are temporary and can be changed. Having children is always more of a heart-over-head decision even within a stable relationship, so as long as you can provide a safe and loving home with food on the table, do it. Good luck 💐

Some things won't wait - I'd do it you can build your career after if your parents are supportive, there is a 5% chance of conception with POF once menopausal when periods have stopped completely (spontaneous ovulation) but unlikely. I'd also suggest joking the daisy network who are very helpful and supportive for women with POI

Another option could be to freeze eggs now and look to fertilise them in the future if you hope/plan to meet a partner.

Do it!

I would definitely do it if you want your own child

I was 27 when I found put I had fertility issues. I completely blocked it out at the time and sort of refused to deal with it until about 5 year later. I don't think it would have made any difference but there are a number if things I wish I had done earlier.

1. Speak to the gyn later once the initial shock wore off (I seemed to block most of it out at the time)
2. Fully understand my condition & understand how timing may have an impact
3. Fully understand my options and the risks
4. Consider egg freezing
5. Have counselling (helped me hugely but wish I did it sooner

I think you should get as much information as possible before making any decisions. A really good gynaecologist, as opposed to a fertility clinic, is a must.

Life is so unfair at times and that’s what I thought when I read your post. I think investigate egg freezing first and then speak to your parents. What are work opportunities like back in your home area?

Go for it, that or maybe freeze your eggs?

Why not freeze your eggs op? You’ve got a lot of time to meet someone else to have children with and it’ll be a lot easier to do that with a partner and a lot nicer too.

Is egg freezing an option for you? I mean, if you want to go ahead on your own, absolutely do it - for me part of having children was also the family unit to raise them with - would you regret not having tried that if you met your husband in 2-3 years? Egg freezing isn’t always a great solution but may be worth chatting with a specialist about and giving even one go?

I was 29 when I was told in the April, I wasn't well but needed conservative treatment to preserve my fertility. Less than 6 weeks later I'm being told here have this treatment but it's likely to render you infertile but if you don't have it you won't be around to have kids anyway.

Your choices aren't necessarily the conventional way of doing things but go for it while you have the chance. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.

A colleague of mine was diagnosed with POF at a young age. She now has 2 DC with her husband via IVF, using his sperm and donor eggs. She carried and birthed both children. It's another option.

I would. 100%

I wouldn't rely on frozen eggs.

If you can move home to your parents while on maternity leave like I did I'd go for it! And also research what benefits and nursery support you'll be entitled to.
You don't need a partner but you do need a support system - and no stressful ex is a blessing!

If you want a child / children I think you have to consider all options to make that happen. If you left London would life be more affordable? Could you freeze eggs in case of meeting someone at a later date? I know nothing about how effective that would be. Sperm donor now and egg freezing to have an option later?

So sorry to hear that, you sound like you would really like a child. So I would say do it or at least give it a try as you don't want to regret not giving it a go. With supportive parents you'll make it work.

Go for it, you will make it work. My best friend and sister did this no regrets, neither have much money. Best to go for it than regret.

I think I would do it. And consider freezing eggs as well.