10 yo boys find tampons at football- coaches reactions

[fourelementary]

Last night I was dropping my son off at football. On Astro pitches at a local high school so they all congregate at one area for several teams. School gives out free sanitary supplies so someone has nicked a box of tampons and dropped them outside the pitches. Lad of around 10 (not in my son’s team) picks them up and opens them and goes “it’s tampons! Omg it’s fucking tampons”. His two coaches are standing metres away- nothing. Boy starts giving out tampons to his pals, saying “haha fucking tampons. I’m going to take one home for my mum”. much hilarity ensues and some boys unwrap and throw tampons. Coaches come over… then start joking with them “I dare you to” in response to the mum comment. Then one boy says about giving tampons to the other boys in their team and the coach says “yeah when he arrives give him one and say it’s for your bad week”.

Now my son is a pretty good footballer and he loves it. But I hate the toxic masculinity culture of football. His own coaches were nearby but not sure how attention they paid to this going on as they were talking to each other. My son was embarrassed that I was there and asked me not to say anything about it. He didn’t like what they were doing and was uncomfortable with it all so went off to warm up.
I said nothing. But am still annoyed.

AIBU to want to message the coaches in question and raise this as I think they handled that in a disgraceful way- allowing profanities and littering not to mention sexist comments and misogynistic behaviour?

YABU- boys will be boys, not your business
YANBU- message them

I’d wipe the floor with them. But I’d have done it there and then.

What immature pricks- I’m talking about the coaches not the 10 year olds. Yes please do email them, they should know their behaviour is unacceptable.

The culture around football is the main reason I don't let DS play, my brother did and my dad used to coach and referee for years after he stopped playing himself, the toxic masculinity is so entrenched in a way I've never seen in any other sport.

Yanbu. I’d have wanted to say “oi, what’s wrong with you all, pick those up” or just spoken to the coach then and there.

YANBU but I think you need to consider that your son asked you not to get involved. You know him and whether his coaches would handle it maturely but his relationships in the club will be important to him so just weigh that when you decide what to do. It might be fruitful to have a conversation with him about it as well and how he could react when things that make him uncomfortable come up and you are not there.

I think rugby can be just as bad among the players, not necessarily the fans

If my son hadn’t been there I would have definitely spoken up then and there. But he would have been mortified.

I agree. Maybe email without identifying who your son is if there were other mothers/adults there - say you were there to watch the game and witnessed the disgusting behaviour etc.

You could bypass the coaches and contact the school directly

Thankfully it’s not his coaches. If it had been boys from his team I actually would have felt comfortable saying something to the boys themselves as I know them- and they’d not be swearing like that either as they aren’t really like that as a group thankfully. So these coaches although in one club- are a different year group so won’t ever have to coach my son.

thank you

The school just have the Astro pitches… the club is a separate entity. Though from a littering point of view the school could say they’ve had a complaint from a member of the public I guess

Nothing to do with school; don’t give them another task!

I would have gone up to the coaches and kids there and then,and asked them "are you going to say anything or let them carry on like that"? Embarrassed them basically 😡

I’d have done the same as @ohdamnitjanet there and then. Toxic masculinity needs calling out, every time. And I would remove my son away from the influence of the Neanderthals supposedly “in charge”.

Embarrassed the coaches- yes. But also embarrassed your son? @Sleeplesnights

Sadly I don’t think the type of men these coaches are would do a thing about it. If they did it would just be for show, and if they thought enough adults were critical of them and they looked bad, or if it might affect their job, presuming they get paid. If they’re going to joke about in a juvenile and sexist way and allow swearing, chances are they’re encouraging it themselves bc they are immature, sexist pigs, or turning a blind eye with the kids to remain popular with them. I could imagine them dismissing it as ‘banter’🙄 or nodding along then laughing with the other boys calling you a stupid bitch. Feel sorry for their OH’s if they have them.

DS has more or less given up football this year and it's largely because he increasingly felt like he didn't fit in as he got older - this sort of stuff is commonplace unfortunately and he's a different kind of kid. I remember when he was about 8 and he got upset that the team were playing tig and a couple of kids were saying 'you've got gay disease' when they caught someone.

I absolutely raised it with the coaches there and then and luckily we had a coach that didn't tolerate a lot so the kids involved found themselves on the sidelines. However, the parents of those kids absolutely didn't see an issue so clearly talk like that at home.

I’d speak to the club about it OP, tell them what happened and get them to speak with the coaches. It can all be done anonymously I’m sure. I help coach my daughter’s team and would be furious if anything like that had happened, not to mention the waste. Some girls may not afford sanitary items so rely on them.

It’s difficult bc if OP’s son’s coaches aren’t like that and the other boys in the team aren’t like that then there shouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately they will run into others who are like this, in football and daily life. You can choose to remove him from the situation, which I doubt he’d thank you for, but it won’t stop him being exposed to these types in real life. He and every other child need to learn how to cope with encountering horrible people like this bc they crop up everywhere. The coaches who said nothing possibly didn’t hear, but if they did, how likely is it for a children’s football coach to take on another male adult they don’t know, especially in front of a crowd. It would be different if they were playing for schools. They wouldn’t know how the other man/men would react - you see professional football managers attacking the refs for goodness sake. It’s not desirable but I can understand why he/they wouldn’t want to put themselves in an unpredictable, possibly physical situation.

@SgtJuneAckland

It's not football that's the issue, it's men's football. My dd played at a high level and it's a very accepting culture and women are welcomed from all backgrounds, sexuality etc. her team was half Asian too, pretty unusual but they all got along brilliantly. Men's sport more generally has these issue's whereas women's sport is welcoming

Agreed

It’s really interesting that male bonding tends to focus on having the same attributes whereas women’s tends to be accepting everyone and inclusivity - perhaps bc we have always been marginalised so inherently stick up for others in groups, whereas certain males find power with similar men and want to keep others out for solidarity, particularly when their sexist ideology is under threat - who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

@mitogoshi yes that's absolutely true my mum played county level girls and women's football back in the seventies and there were no such issues

Not all grassroots football teams have this kind of attitude. My DH is a youth football coach and would never stand for any behaviour like that.
Our local FA take these kind of things very seriously too, if you know the name of the team I’d be reporting it to your local FA .

At least ten year old boys know what tampons are. Not so long ago, they’d have no idea what they were.

I would be more concerned with the litter and waste than their making a joke of periods/tampons. They are 10 year olds who likely make fart, poo and snot jokes all the time too.

There is nothing sacrosanct about tampons or periods such that a box of tampons should be carefully handled like communion wafers and periods spoken about in a hush, with respectful silence preferred.