Do family courts think about weekends?

[March34]

Sorry to post in here just not getting much help elsewhere. Due to go to family court soon. DD has not yet started school but will In Sept. How the other parent wants the contact to be will mean I don't have any weekend day with DD as I work one day and the other would be with the other parent. Would court take this into account and agree to EOW due to this? The other parent has no reason to not do the day I work they just don't want to.

Yes EOW will be more likely in my experience- good luck

Courts think about what's best for the child and one parent having every weekend whilst the other does all the day to day stuff isn't usually best as the other parent doesn't get any fun time with them. Chances are they will suggest eow then a day in the week if anything they certainly won't force you to give up every weekend
Have you got a lawyer? You can ask them to write to the other parent the proposal of eow and one day or 2 during the week stating fairness for your child to have fun time with both parents and you have at least shown youbare trying to work out a fair routine which the courts will appreciate.

Why can the other parent not have dc on the weekend day you work? Surely that would be the best option having one weekend day with each parent.

Yes that was my plan to ask for EOW and then a night in the week for the weekend DD isn't there but other parent is point blank refusing that. I've even looked at changing my working hours just in case they get every weekend but I can't afford to drop a day and I can't even change to work the other day and my job isn't even open that day. It's so bloody stressful! Thank you both for your help x

@nervousskier24 your guess is as good as mine. There's no reason given just that they don't want to. I imagine it's more that they know this is the day I work meaning I won't get any weekends at all DD unless I book holidays which I of course can't do every weekend. Yes that's what I'm suggesting either the day I work every week or EOW and a day in the week but they're saying they won't budge at all which is why it's got to the court stage.

Put your case forward as you have here. Any sain courts will see that you ate trying to be fair and he is trying to control and manipulate the situation to suit him and possibly screw you over. Go forward with your offer. He will have to explain why it can't/won't work for him.
Good luck OP

@March34 I really hope the courts see your side, that's just malicious on his part. Obviously the best thing for dc would be to have a day with each parent on a weekend.

The other parent seems to be trying to manipulate things so that you don’t get that quality time at the weekend with your child. Put your case forward of course, but this won’t be the first time the court has witnessed this kind of shitty, selfish behaviour from someone regarding contact. Hopefully they will make it so if you have a day each at the weekend yours is the day you don’t work.

Have you been to mediation yet? I've got first hand experience as I have a C.A.O in place. Courts don't really ask what the mother works... cafcass do but remember courts are not interested in petti squabbles. Your ex will not be given every single weekend.

Take a few brief notes if your ex declines 1 night in the Week make sure you as him to cover 3/4 weeks of the school holidays!

Yes they do usually take into account that both parents need downtime with the kids and weekends/holidays should be shared.

Your ex is doing this to control you. It's so nasty.
It's highly likely you'll be awarded eow. Because the child should have fun time with you, you can't do all the day to day stuff and no downtime with them. Put this across and am sure you'll be fine.
My dh ex wanted us to do every weekend Friday to Sunday morning, most likely in a bid to stop our nights out. Court said no she needed some weekend time with you so awarded in our favour of eow

Thank you all. Yes it is manipulation and the worst thing he says I'm the one that the courts will see as manipulating it by saying I don't want him to have her every weekend. I'm happy for every weekend if it's the day I'm at work.
Yes been through mediation and he won't budge even though the mediator basically said to him he has no reason to not do the weekend day I work.

I’m sure they will take that into account and ask him why he can’t have the day you’re working. They won’t be impressed if they can tell he’s being awkward, so more fool him unless he’s got a good reason

Every other weekend is the norm for exactly this reason, your child deserves leisure time with both their parents.

The court will try and fit in with your work schedule to give your daughter equal time with you both. That would mean that she will be with the other parent on the weekend day that you work, not alternating weekends. Alternating weekends would leave her with no one to care for her when you are at work.

I’m a family lawyer… the court will make a decision that is in the best interests of the child but absolutely it is very common for parents to both get weekend time so that one parent is not just dealing with the day to day school/homework routine etc. Just explain your position clearly to the Judge and CAFCASS and focus on your DD’s wellbeing and wishes and feelings if she is old enough to express them.

My ex tried doing this and he ended up with one night a week which was Wednesday to Thursday.. because he was so unreasonable and was refusing everything I was suggesting, I offered more time in school holidays, I offered all sorts! But because it was me offering it he didn’t like it! It’s a way of taking control for them rather then thinking of what benefits there child, it was CAFCASS who came up with the Wednesday to Thursday due to his lack of cooperation and clear mind games, obviously they said it could be reviewed once our son started full time school.

the courts/Cafcass will see straight through his games. I would write down everything you possibly can (notes) of what you are putting forward for your child, come up with alternatives like you have done.. offer maybe an extra night during half terms/school hols.

they will see who is trying to make a structured and stable plan for there child and who is just doing things out of spite and nastiness.

my ex was extremely manipulative, as soon as things in that room wasn’t going “his way” rather than trying to see what was best for our son, his whole attitude towards the CAFCASS person changed, he got annoyed basically and his true colours came out because he wasn’t in control anymore! She even said to him “do you have a problem with your temper”..

they will always focus on what’s best for the child! You sound as though you’ve been more than reasonable and couldn’t do anymore than you have! He wants to play horrible spiteful games. It’s very unlikely they’ll grant him that day as you have good reason for needing the other day instead.. x

Thanks for all the helpful comments it is making me feel slightly better. I think my main worry is DD's well-being as doing this will mean she basically doesn't get a full day with me for 5 days due to work/visitation already in place. I think the worst thing is that at the moment DD does go to dads on the weekend day I work but he's refusing to do it going forward. She's already struggling with adjusting to the overnight never mind this changing again. I know that more than likely won't be taken into account though.

In my head alot of men avoid a Saturday because they are either playing sport themselves, wanting Fri nights out and a lie in or are sports fans and want to watch or go to games etc.

Focus on what is best for your daughter and couch everything in those terms, look for equal leisure time with each parent and a way of sharing the load with costs such as after school care or before school care. Sounds like he is going to be a right PITA so make sure to get as much in writing as possible without tying things down too tightly and causing yourselves issues if things need a bit of flexibility

One option could be to reverse the weekend days each weekend or every two weeks so long as this isn't too confusing to DD

EOW will be easy to ask for as both parents should have relaxation time and it’s often the only item that extended family are available for visits. Maintaining relationships with extended family and chilling with each parent are excellent reasons to request EOW.

If parents don’t live near each other then having weekends at home so that the child can go to events like birthday parties will also be important. (I’m assuming that weekends might mean Friday after school to Sunday lunchtime /evening) if there’s distance involved.

@RB68 That's one of the reasons why he originally agreed to the Saturday as Sundays are the days he's busy, but now he wants the Sundays. I think I'll go in with EOW and a day in the week for the week he doesn't have her the weekend. I feel so sorry for her it's just changes all the time and it's so unfair. Changing to the Sundays means that every other week I need to find someone to look after her while I'm at work on Saturday. I just feel like she's going to end up being pushed from pillar to post. Honestly making me feel like such a shit mum.
@BoohooWoohoo No distance issues luckily. Yes my side of the family are only available really at a weekend as don't live that close but I know she already spends both the days that she goes to dad's at the moment with her grandparents and cousins.

If you live near each other I would push that he does the school run on a Monday morning and you collect DD from school. Agree with @RB68 my ex wrangles out of Fridays and school run drop off Monday morning so I can't work a full shift on Sunday so annoying! Doesn't go out he's just difficult.

OP

Your preference should be he has her on the weekend day you work - this means more parental time for her, for her well-being, as if he didn’t she would be in child care (whatever that may look like). Be firm that for your DDs wellbeing you are not in a position to lose that day at work because financially it pays for X,Y and Z (swimming, whatever).

Point out this is what DD is used to and has been working for however long it has been.

Then the next position you would take is EOW, but that you feel this isn’t suitable as your DD will still be in childcare for the weekend you have her on the day you work.

It’s hard no for DD to spend every weekend with a day lost of one on one parent time due to your ex partner suddenly deciding he can no longer do this. Where will she be when he is busy doing his things he normally does (the reasons it is how it is now?)

Also I don’t think you are the shit parent in this!