Pushy parent or neglectful nursery?

[MadnessMummy]

Help a FTM… is this normal?

LO started nursery two weeks ago. He’s 9 1/2 months.

On several occasions LOs came home with a soiled nappy.

Today, as usual, LO was there for 9 1/2 hours. They offered LO one bottle. In this time LO normally has 3. LO did eat their breakfast and dinner. However, LO normally eats this and drinks three bottles. I wouldn’t have an issue if LO only drank one bottle and left the others my issue is LO wasn’t offered.

I’ve asked nursery to not let any nap exceed 2hours. Today instead of two naps LO had one sleep for 3hours.

When I collected, LO was exhausted as they had been awake since 1 so LO fell asleep before we even got home which made tea time and bedtime a nightmare!

When we got home LO drained their bottle and cried for more, something LO never done (cried for more)

Is this normal? Is this what I am to expect from a nursery? As there are so many children to care for?

Poor baby :( that doesn't sound right at all. When my daughter was in childcare, I gave them a copy of her routine, not in the expectation that they'd stick to it, but just so they knew how much milk and food she needed a day, when she might be tired and hungry etc, and they adhered to it. I wouldn't send my child back there until I'd had a conversation with the nursery about this... with everything you've said, it sounds like it's verging on being neglectful. One bottle of milk a day for a 9 month old? At this age they need about 3 milk feeds a day.

Nope that sounds awful. I would be looking for another nursery

@Zoobi thank you for your reply. We did think this! We did actually send a routine - so more concerning!

I’d email your instructions and preferences over in writing and just state that what you requested isn’t being followed so you just wanted to re-iterate to them. Nothing that you have requested is unreasonable.

I wouldn't happy with him coming home in a dirty nappy. Once is fine - it could easily happen if we went just before you arrive to pick him up. But several times suggests they aren't checking regularly enough.

I'd expect them to be offering more milk than that and wouldn't be happy that they weren't.

The nap thing wouldn't bother me, I know some nurseries don't like to wake children from naps. But this obviously doesn't redeem them on the other two issues.

Mine had to adapt to nursery routine. They had a set schedule for all babies.
I would ask about the bottles

What is LO? the nursery sounds at fault here I assume this is your daughter? I would look at another setting thats not good enough.

My dc with the bottles at that age would have had one at home in morning, one during the day then one at night. Could they be same schedule?

Dirty nappies - not good enough at all.
Bottles should be offered if you request it for such a young baby.
Naps - often nurseries them all to nap at once so they can end up pushing them to one long nap but again for such a young baby they should let them have 2 naps as it's not age appropriate to only have one.
Is your child much younger than others there? If the others are like 15 months plus they may be doing the same with all of them . Do they have a separate nap area or is it just the floor of the main room? In any case I would look at other nurseries as this card sounds inadequate.

Nap times can just be like that when they start.

Everything else is terrible.

@Hankunamatata LO still drinks 5 bottles and was hysterical when they came home.
Thank you for your reply.

I would mention the food issue, reiterate your routine, tell them baby is coming home hungry and request they’re offered food or milk more often.

I wouldn’t ask them to wake a sleeping baby.

I’ve complained today to the girls in the room. Debating whether to phone the manager?

Nappies I’d be fine with if it’s not a regular thing and no soreness/ signs of discomfort. My LO always filled his nappy at the last minute! The staff would check the nappy, then get them ready to leave, then he’d poop and I’d change him there before heading home (or staff would offer)

Are you sure he didn’t just soil his nappy in the car on the way home? Because you’d be surprised how often this happens. I would say something and make sure you check his nappy when you pick up. We always change before meals, after naps and always check just before home time as a rule and obviously in between when needed.

He’s come home soiled a few times. The last time it happened she passed him
to me he smelt of poo. I checked in the car and he had.

YANBU, we had two in FT at that age and none of that ever happened.

You've said it to the staff in the room, I'd wait to approach the manager if there is no improvement.

Do they send you over LO’s daily dairy? This should include all times of nappy changes, milk/food and naps. Mines over an app and they send it pretty much as soon as I pick up.

They absolutely need to take care of your baby the way you have requested, especially around nutrition. I’d speak to a manager based on the milk offered alone (in writing).

This is poor practice. Does your DC have a key person (should do)? They are responsible for your child's wellbeing and sharing communication.
A good/outstanding baby room would follow your routine from home for sleeping and eating.
Did the key person have an explanation for not giving bottles?
Ask them to check his nappy before they hand him over.
The manager is best placed to deal with the staff involved and needs to know as she is responsible for their practice.

I’ve not been told about key person. LO has only been there for 2 weeks.

LO was under the weather so they let them sleep. My issue is offering one bottle all day seems below par.

Naps I wouldn’t get het up about. My DC started nursery at 10.5 months so only slightly older than yours, his routine was still two naps a day but he would never do that at nursery, it’s a different environment and he never slept as well there. He’d catch up on sleep a bit at the weekends instead.

Milk I would say that’s a number of bottles to be having still, nursery probably isn’t used to having a baby who has so many. If he really needs it though then they should offer it. My DC was only having one bottle at nursery when he started, after lunch/early afternoon, and he dropped that pretty quickly as again, he never wanted it in the busy nursery environment, but he’d still have it on days he was at home.

Nappies they seem to very often have a habit of pooing just before pick up. They shouldn’t leave him soiled but it can sometimes take a while to notice (remember they’re in a room with lots of pooey babies all day so probably become a bit noseblind). I used to check DC before I left and change him myself if he needed it, we had a 40 minute commute to work/nursery on the bus so I always wanted to make sure he was clean for that as I wouldn’t be able to change him for a while.

My DD started nursery at the same age.

Firstly, I think it’s in the EYFS framework (or some other rule) that you have to have a key person for your child, so I’d raise that with the manager or head of room as a query.

Naps, we just adjusted to the one nap a day apart from once or twice she had an extra one in the morning whilst still settling in. I think in a couple of weeks they probably won’t come home as tired, it’s still early days. We had crying from tiredness a lot more at the beginning.

Nappies, I’d raise to them if/when it happens again.

Bottles, we were told to aim for three bottles a day by then by the nursery, so one first thing and last thing at home, and only one at nursery. I gave one as an option in the afternoon, just in case she didn’t eat much lunch, but she often didn’t need it and they then spoke to me about removing that once she was one. So, they should talk to you about it if there’s an issue but I think maybe if they think they’re eating well, they think they don’t need it possibly.

That’s just horrible. I know that after spending the whole day changing nappies I become immune to the smell which is why they absolutely should be checking bums before home time. There could be many reasons for the oversight, probably a staff shortage, because that is rife in Early Years atm but it’s not an excuse for lack of basic care. Definitely say something. I would email the manager.

Mine started at nursery at similar age and we never had those issues (although he refused milk at nursery). They kept him on two naps until we agreed together to move to one. He has always come back in a dry nappy (he's been there a year now). One of the most concerning things is that you don't know if your baby has a key person? That's normally the person your baby will become most familiar with and form attachments with, to help them settle in.

And should be allocated and introduced to you as soon as LO starts.