Neighbours balls

[Kenthighst]

We don't speak to our neighbours due to a number of incidents. The kids are also very rude. Anyways the past few weeks they have been kicking balls over the wall into our garden. They havn't called to the door to ask for them back either as we do not speak at all.
Aibu not to return the balls until they come to the door & politely ask for them back?

Reposting again here why we don't speak.

If you get a ball kicked hard at your face then it's possible to get hurt. OP isn't saying that is happening. A ball going up over a fence/wall isn't going to have enough power to do that. And, like I said, we had the odd ball coming over for years and not one ever hit anyone - you would have to be pretty unlucky. Had it theoretically ever happened we and the DS (even at 6) would have said "oh dear!" and thrown it back - it's not that big a shock. If you want to make mountains out of molehills go ahead, personally I wouldn't want the drama - probably why we have a good relationship with NDNs and an OK one with Mr Horrible.

As annoying at it is, kids don’t stay kids for long. Neighbour wars can last years. Just throw them back.

@Mothership4two How often did the odd ball come over and how big is your garden? We have a tiny garden, raised beds and a bit of grass for a table and two chairs. We had multiple balls flying over daily in summer, the chances of being hit were quite high. Plants were also damaged repeatedly. These older boys only cared enough to come and ask for a ball back if it was the new shiny one, otherwise they just got another and continued.

Why would you expect them to come to your door, if you don't speak ?

I've always got on with all my neighbours, wherever I've lived, from being a child myself thorugh to mow, with my own dc grown into adults, but I wouldn't go round and knock the door when balls went over the fence, as it would be unfair to disturb them. The unwritten rule is you wait until neighbour sees them and they throw them back.

YABU to not throw them back. They are kids. You could try behaving like an adult and return the balls that come over, when it is convenient for you.

Well obviously if they want their numerous balls back the polite thing to do would be to ring the bell, apologise & explain "sorry we have kicked some balls over the wall would you mind getting them please".
It's common curtosy. If they want them badly enough they'll ask. And I will hand over no problem. (Along with the crisp packets & coke bottles the kids toss over too)

But how are they to know you have a different set of rules about what is polite, from that which most neighbours have ?

If I'm busy, it can be annoying to be disturbed. Far better to just chuck them over when you see them / when it suits you.
As a child we were taught that we weren't to go disturbing neighbours, we'd just have to wait until they threw them back. That's what my dc were taught too. It seems that's what all my neighbours have worked on over the decades.

What do you get from this power game ?

FGS @Kenthighst @Kalevala they are children! Even if they are unpleasant, they are children and it's not their fault their NDN has fallen out with their parents. And usual form is to just throw balls back (as has been shown on this thread). Of course they don't want to come to the door of an adult who they aren't sure will react pleasantly. Can't believe reasonable people would think it OK to hang on to kids things.

I have a medium sized garden not an estate.

I would kick them back over, just to save you from dealing with them or their kids face to face. If it really feels deliberate then just throw the balls away and surely they will stop their unfulfilling game?

Maybe chuck the litter back over as well s the balls

You've said you would like quiet enjoyment of your garden so all the more reason not to antagonise them.

We're in a similar position. The balls get stored in our shed. No harm no foul.

Just chuck them back over, won't be long until yours are accidentally kicking them over. Honestly, it's not worth it.

I’d use pin to put a very tiny hole in them and throw them over when they’re going to notice. They’ll then go down after a day or two without you getting the blame

I don't allow my kids to disturb the neighbours by knocking and asking for them back. Our lovely neighbours do return them, but in their own time, and the kids have to wait (although neighbours on one side have told us we can just lift the kids over the fence and get them back ourselves if we want to).

With neighbours like yours, I'd be stabbing the balls to deflate them, and chucking them. Twats like that do not get their balls returned. Why reward bad behaviour?

Accidents happen. They don't want to lose their balls into your garden - they want to play with them! Personally a a kid I'd have come round and asked for the ball back as otherwise I'd be bored with no ball to play with.

There are a few reasons why they might not, though. Perhaps the children are too shy to ask, and their parents won't (because they're not interested or because they think the children should). Perhaps they don't want to bother you, so they're waiting for you to throw them back in your own time.

Personally, I'd return the balls in person, and let them know what you'd prefer them to do if it happens again (i.e., knock on the door and ask politely for the balls back).

Hmm. Hadn't read the whole thread and it seems I missed some details about the neighbours. I still wouldn't keep the balls though. That seems likely to escalate things.

It doesn't matter what is right or wrong you can't enforce others to your version. What do you think is likely to happen if you go down this road?

I can tell you it is likely to escalate and cause you more issues, possibly end up as a neighbours dispute which could impact you selling your property.

You can't change their behaviour you can only control your response. I suggest you accept it as a nuisance and hope they grow out of it quickly.

Is it fair no, but really the way you are going is very unlikely to achieve your goal.

You just need to take the high ground here. Throw the balls back and put any rubbish in the bin. Yes they sound appalling but the best thing you can do is not give them the satisfaction of thinking they are getting to you.

I mean, unless you would to create an issue I would just throw them back over? It's unlikely they have done it deliberately. I don't see an issue...

Parents should be taking notice and teaching their children to play appropriately within their boundary. If you have a postage stamp of a garden, and you’re surrounded by other people, you (as a parent) need to be mindful that your neighbours also have a right to enjoy their space without their property being at risk of damage from your lack of educating the child or your children’s carelessness. I used to return the footballs to our neighbours, but there was never a thank you, and they’ve never come to ask for them back, so they now just go in the bin.

I have spent thousands of pounds and spent many an hour making my garden look nice, and your children’s crap flying over and breaking my things and littering my space isn’t acceptable. Might have been softened by the occasional acknowledgment that it had even happened, but I don’t and won’t feel bad about my current stance. They have until bin collection day to come and get them.

Would you prefer them climbing over the fence? Chuck the balls back next time you’re in the yard.

Under normal neighbourly relations I’d be throwing them back. Can’t say I wouldn’t be annoyed a bit if it was daily and breaking plants/ causing damage for example, but then I’d speak to the parents, and most parents would make sure the kids knew if they wanted to welly the proper size footballs, then the park is the place to do it. But this obviously isn’t a normal neighbourly relationship from what you’ve said OP.

Also I’d normally say just because you have an issue with the parents, you don’t involve the kids, but if they’re throwing rubbish over and generally a pita then I’d lose patience pretty quickly tbh. I think I’d put the rubbish in a bag with the balls and return the whole lot with a super friendly ‘this lot belongs to you’.

If they continued with throwing rubbish over, I’d not be rushing to return any more balls. Yes they’re kids, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for them being dickheads (which if they continue to throw rubbish over, they are) . But if the rubbish stopped, then I’d continue to return the balls.

OP was over a year ago.

Can't believe someone would go to the trouble of binning a kid's ball rather than just lobbing it back