To want to change my name back?

[Jessieshome]

I had a very unusual surname before marriage, I loved it, we are a small family, and every time I had to tell someone my surname it would invite questions and I got to tell a little bit of my family history. It took me a while to change my name to my husbands after we got married but constant problems and questioning at airports when travelling with my kids on my own who have husbands surname got tiresome. Also I got a general feeling from relatives that I was being pretentious not to follow tradition (they're not usually that traditional!) and my husbands sad face when I said I didn't think I'd bother changing it convinced me to go with the flow/tradition and take on my husbands surname.

I have regretted it ever since and it has been 9 years. It feels like such a loss of identity, especially when it was such an unusual name, I don't know why I did it (I think I was just exhausted as we had 2 very young children at the time and it was easier to do what everyone wanted me to do).

My marriage is very happy and I am totally committed, I'm not sowing seeds for divorce or anything!

Would it be completely bonkers and ridiculous to change my name back, or perfectly understandable? Do you think everyone will assume I hate my husband and in laws (they are all wonderful)? Has anyone else changed their name back to their maiden name without getting divorced?!

I could've written your post OP, except that my maiden name was already double barrelled. I changed my name to my very dull married name when I had dch. But - I write short stories and enter competitions under my maiden name and also have it on FB, so it still feels like part of me. So - use both!

I’m in Ireland so it’s slightly different because we “get” our names out of usage. I changed mine but kept my own name professionally, then eventually changed it back entirely in all areas after a few years because my in-laws are terrible people, have made it clear I’m not family and don’t consider myself one of them at all. I love my husband, but not his name or family 😂 Our dc don’t care or notice, I just told them I kept my own name when we got married.

@Garman

I’m in Ireland so it’s slightly different because we “get” our names out of usage.

What do you mean? I'm sure I'm being thick. I Googled to find out but just got lists of Irish surnames!

I never changed my name, and really glad I didn't. Also have had no issues having a different name to my child in fact it's probably more common than not

We change our names here by common usage don’t have to do deed poll etc, you just start using it and that’s it, no need to legally register anything.

It's the same in the UK - you can use any name you like (as long as it's not for nefarious purposes) deed polls are just for if you need an official piece of paper for some reason. (Ireland has exactly the same - you can get a deed poll here too)

Nothing wrong with moving your day to day usage back to your original surname - lots of women use two names (professionally and privately)

Personally I wouldn't change my name, and I have one child with my surname, and one with his father's, no trouble travelling though - I think I've been asked about it twice in 10 years.

Being a family is what makes us a family, not which surname we share!

I changed mine for about a year after marriage but like you, I really struggled with the loss of identity. I changed it back.
Luckily I’d never got round to changing anything official like bank accounts and passports which made it much easier.
I was so much happier afterwards.

Good thinking thank you. Thing is I live in a very small rural community where everyone knows everyone, it's all variants of the same people in the different groups and clubs. EVERYONE knows my husband, you can't walk 2m down the street without him saying hello to someone, and the odd one that doesn't know him they know the family. So it'd almost be weirder to have different names for different things, or certainly confusing anyway. 🙂

Not nice for the husband and children, god there’s bigger tragedies happening in the world than a woman changing her name back to a name she feels happy with.

I know you can get a deed poll in Ireland too, you just don’t have to. All the posts I’ve ever seen on here about the UK name stuff suggested it wasn’t as easy as that there, people always saying you have to do XYZ to change a surname like a situation like this.

I probably would if I were you as you’ve mentioned feeling a loss of identity so it seems important to you.
its an interesting topic as has always been something I’ve wondered, I have a really unique already double barrelled name and I’d miss it if I had to change it. Then again, I’m not white British so have complicated feelings about it due to “sticking out” at childhood, it’s a weird one. At the end of the day your name is unique to you and if you love it, take it back. Sounds like you won’t regret it. Xx

This is funny. I literally grew my children - I don't need the same surname as them to have a connection 😂😂😂😂

Change it back OP - more women should do this, great idea. Taking men's names like Victorian chattels is fully insane

Nah, it's pretty much the exact same in the UK. The only reason to get a deedpoll is if you need some official proof (like applying for visas and whatnot where you need to have a papertrail and multiple pieces of matching docs) day to day, use whatever name you like. For instance in the UK you just need an affidavit/sworn statement (a deed poll does work too) to change the name on your passport, whereas in Ireland you need 2 different proofs for at least two years (and they specifically don't accept a deed poll, since you can literally print one of those off the internet for free - you only pay to register it, which isn't strictly necessary)

I will mention, that if you have kids, you'll get called by their surname anyhow - I get called by either of my kids surnames and only bother to correct it if it's something official

I made a half hearted attempt to change my name after I married. I did change my passport but other legal documents were left in my name. When it came up for renewal I changed it back to my name rather than my married name.

I have a reasonably rare name but my husband's name is super rare. All the DCs have his name, I wasn't bothered by that.

I didn't get married until my forties and just couldn't relate to having a new name.

A lot of posts on here about changing names spout all sorts of made up garbage.