To want to change my name back?

[Jessieshome]

I had a very unusual surname before marriage, I loved it, we are a small family, and every time I had to tell someone my surname it would invite questions and I got to tell a little bit of my family history. It took me a while to change my name to my husbands after we got married but constant problems and questioning at airports when travelling with my kids on my own who have husbands surname got tiresome. Also I got a general feeling from relatives that I was being pretentious not to follow tradition (they're not usually that traditional!) and my husbands sad face when I said I didn't think I'd bother changing it convinced me to go with the flow/tradition and take on my husbands surname.

I have regretted it ever since and it has been 9 years. It feels like such a loss of identity, especially when it was such an unusual name, I don't know why I did it (I think I was just exhausted as we had 2 very young children at the time and it was easier to do what everyone wanted me to do).

My marriage is very happy and I am totally committed, I'm not sowing seeds for divorce or anything!

Would it be completely bonkers and ridiculous to change my name back, or perfectly understandable? Do you think everyone will assume I hate my husband and in laws (they are all wonderful)? Has anyone else changed their name back to their maiden name without getting divorced?!

But you haven't got over your name issue

I wish I hadn’t changed my surname either. It’s one of those things that I did because it meant so much to DH, but it’s never sat comfortably with me.

Where do you want to use it?

I use a name at work which is not my official name on my passport. They just asked what wanted to be known as and I told them.

You can fill in a form with any name you like unless it is going to be independently verified. Very common to eg register for a website in one name but give payment details with a different name, they don’t care as long as the card goes through.

So you could eg join a badminton club as Ms Jane MaidenName and sign up for a Tesco Clubcard in that name.

My son’s school have never asked to see my passport or any other I’d, they just call me the name I sign off my emails with.

my point is that you can use a different name in certain places without it mattering, so maybe doing that will scratch the itch enough for you, especially as it’s primarily a social thing for you.

I had a very unusual maiden name, and I am proud of it ( though didn't go as far as the OP giving people a potted history about it.🤔)
Didn't think twice about taking my husband's name when we married, but I did include my maiden name in my sons name when he was born as I didn't want it to die out.
Fortunately my nephew is now a Dad to two boys, so hopefully the name will live on.

DS is getting married this Summer. His fiancée needed a new passport. I was surprised she has already changed her surname to that of ours as both she and her DM are only DC and it's unusual. She has changed her name by deed poll and put her surname in as a middle name as she doesn't like double barrelled names.

You can have a legal alias in a British passport. Perhaps do that and use your married name for family stuff (nursery, school, whatever) and your original name for work/individual stuff.

Possibly too late for you now but it’s common in my home area to use mum’s maiden name (or a variant) as a first or middle name for a child.

I did get divorced and changed my name back. I really didn't want to change it again, but DH2 seemed to care much more that I did, so I compromised and changed it so that I had my maiden name as a middle name (it helped that I didn't have a middle name already!) So I went from (all made up names) Miss Jane Jones to Mrs Jane Smith to Miss Jane Jones to Mrs Jane Jones Baker.

My maiden name is unremarkable but it felt more like MY name than any other name ever has. If DH dies before me I might even change it back again 😀

I double barrelled my name and our surnames don't go together (bit like Terry Berry) but I used mine only at work and since having DS I use his only. OH was in the Forces and using mine initially was such a palaver I switched, but I doubt it would be a problem nowawdays and I kind of wish I had stuck it out. My double-barrelled name has never been a problem though. Full name on official documents is private and most people don't know about it. So I would go for it OP.

A friend caught sight of my name on my driving license once and said she liked the Mrs Terry-Berry type name. It sounds like someone in a children's TV series to me, I can just here Oliver Postgate saying "and there goes Mrs Terry-Berry off to the shops..."

You can use any name you like as long as it's not fraudulent or offensive.

I think it's sad that you changed your name because you were pressurised. If you want to revert to your birth name, don't let social pressure stop you making the right decision for you.

I had to look at my posting history to check that I hadn't posted this! I feel exactly the same! Didn't change my ( unusual) maiden name until years into my marriage, and did it because it was easier when we moved house as everything else was being changed. I regret not double barrelling my kids names. My dbro doesn't have kids, and I feel like I chucked away part of my heritage that won't carry on now just because other people had a hard time pronouncing it. My kids would love to go double barrelled because they think my name was cool. But I don't know how to go about suddenly double barrelling their names as well as changing mine or whether it will just lead to a million ' are you splitting up?' questions. I really regret it.

When you have a non English and uncommin surname ( I presume this is it?) it happens surprisingly often! It's annoying to do it all the time, until you don't have to do it anymore.

I changed my name on marriage to show married name on main page of my passport but kept my maiden name under “official observations” - it said “also known as Firstname Maidenname”.
I found having two official names such a faff - every official body would query it - that I have just signed a statement of declaration permanently disavowing my married name 😂 (passport office said it was either this or get divorced!) so now back to just using my maiden name. Will continue to be known as Mrs marriedname at school, that’s fine by me, but will now be Ms Maidenname everywhere else. Kids (age 9&7) remain unbovvered. DH, given he has two DC with his surname, knows better than to comment.

Because they have way too much time on their hands.
FWIW OP, I understand connection to a surname. I was born when my parents had separated but not yet divorced, and I had my father's surname. I hated it - he had nothing to do with me and I wanted to be the same as my grandparents and cousins. When I was 18 and 3 days, we both went to the solicitor's and changed both our surnames by deed poll and we opened a champagne bottle that night. I will not be changing it on marriage.
It's true now you have changed it, changing it back will raise a few eyebrows, especially if your marriage is solid. Only you know how important this is to you. But remember in your heart you will always be (old surname).
FWIW I hate the tradition - we women aren't property being transferred from one family to another. In Spain all women keep their surnames. I don't like double barrelling though (no judgement, just personal choice).

I changed my name when I got married, and always regretted it. I am now divorced and loved getting my name back. It's such an important part of your identity and when you think about it changing to your husbands is all a bit weird, and barking back to women as posessions. If I ever got married again I wouldn't change it.

I wish I’d kept my maiden name and given it to my DC too. Now, having got divorced, I feel I’m stuck with it as I don’t want a different surname to my DC.

So, my advice would be to change it back or incorporate both surnames into a new name, ensuring your DC have that name too.

Do you have children @Kbroughton ? It’s mainly that that’s stopping me.

I changed my name back after 5 years married and no one cared at all. I'm not sure most people even noticed. My boss raised an eyebrow and I told him I'd had a "painful feminist epiphany" and he just laughed and went off to find out what paperwork I needed to file with HR.

The paperwork is a pain all round but I don't regret it at all!!!

I do sometimes when a thread seems very similar to another. Some people post the same thing or versions of it several times (odd I know). Or if it seems familiar I just want to check their old posts to relate it to what they have said before. Don't do it generally and wouldn't do it to trip someone up!

A friend got half way through changing hers and then decided she didn't want to and changed it back. You have to be ready to be a bit pushy: people will accept a birth certificate and marriage certificate usually, but they are expecting proof of divorce so you have to be quite firm about it.

You have given it a long time and still feel uncomfortable: it's fine to change it back.

Mine is double barrelled and my DC have half plus DP's name. It's pretty easy to take a plastic wallet with birth certificates and the passports etc.

I changed my name back. Didn’t like my DH name as much as my own. Had his for years but it didnt feel like my own. Still love him to bits though. Don’t really care what other people think. He understands and that’s all that matters

I have one daughter who kept my husbands name, as it's hers and her identity now. She's older though. I won't have any more children but if I did I'd go double barrelled for them.

I changed my name back to maiden name. It means it's not the same as the DC but it's just a name? Our relationship isn't affected. Border control have asked the children who I am... 😀

My children have the same surname as their father, I kept mine. Our "family connection" comes from me growing them in my body and being their mother for nearly two decades, rather than us sharing a surname! My name is me!

My colleague changed hers back a few years into her marriage and after having kids (the kids kept the dad's surname). Her maiden name isn't anything exciting, she just said she regretted changing it from an ideological perspective. It was fine. Everyone got used to her "new" name and there were no issues.