Are my friends BU ?

[Bearcubbaby]

They have organised something for either a Friday/Saturday night for every weekend in March. Of course I can say no, but I've felt obliged to say yes to it all. I have nothing else planned but I do sometimes like a weekend of no plans and fri/sat night on the sofa, type of thing. If I said no then they should want to know why I couldn't come. 1 person in the group, who is a bit of a ring-leader (said in a nice way) wouldn't accept "no, just because I don't want to' as an excuse. I work 50 hours a week, I am exhausted by the weekend.

'I'm tired and want to rest and catch up errands after a busy week. See you next week.'

Ignore everything else.

Do it a few times and it will become the new normal. YABU for wanting them to not have plans to suit you, and yabu for feeling you have to go.

You should just say you can't make it that weekend and say you need a break on your own. If you can't be dealing with their reaction, just lie and say you've got other plans/get a cold last minute and don't go (assuming no-one will loose any money for activities planned). I'd probably practice saying "no" and sticking to your guns though...

You’ve answered the question yourself. You can just say no. you’re a grown adult and you don’t need to give an essay on why not. Grown adults and real friends understand that people have a lot going on in life, are tired, don’t have endless money for activities and sometimes just plain don’t want to do anything.

“Of course I can say no”

Answered your own post 🤷🏻‍♀️

What do you mean won't accept you saying no? You're an adult she can't force you to go out and if they get annoyed at you wanting a weekend at home then ask yourself honestly are these the people you want as your friends?

You need to learnt to have boundaries and stand up to people over matters like this. Just say no.

They're allowed to make plans. Put on your big girl pants and say "won't be out this weekend, I'm nackered from work and have loads of stuff to catch up on, hope you have a great night, looking forward to next week."
What are they going to do, come to your house, bash you over the head and drag you out to the club in your pyjamas?

You need to learnt to have boundaries and stand up to people over matters like this. Just say no.

Message now. Saying actually sorry guys I can't make x, y or z. I need some down time after working. But I can make (insert whatever one you actually want to go to, if any, here).

If you can't say no, can't you say you're sick or you have family passing by.

What is it with grown adult women that they are incapable of saying no?
Reasons not required. Expnations not required.
No is a valid response. Just that

Why do you feel obliged to say yes?

I voted YABU because you’re being wet.

Just say I can’t make it. If she asks why just say as I said, I can’t make it.

If this friendship group breaks up (and it’s very likely given the toxicity and claustrophobia) you will seriously regret all the money you wasted on the nights out you didn’t want to go on anyway.

My friends and I make plans most weeks, if someone says they want some down time we aren't offended.
If you accept all the invitations then they'll be assuming you want to socialise just as much as they do.

I tried to say no to 1 of the nights. I have something else on during the day, which makes it a little tricky to also go to in the eve with friends, but I could just about make the eve. I just didn't want the rushing around due to the logistics of day & eve. But 1 person in the group came up with every single permutation to get around the logistics, regardless that it could make for a slight headache for me.

@catza I don't know why I feel obliged to say yes all the time. I guess I feel I should have a reasonable excuse and don't see "just coz I don't want to" as a reasonable one

No your friends are not being unreasonable to organise nights out every weekend. If you don’t want to go you say no. 🤷‍♀️

OP, real friends don't like to see their friends stressed out or to needlessly inconvience them.

I can see why they bulldoze you if you don't think stating your own wants and needs is important.

You've become their doormat.

They are if they keep haranguing OP to go when she's said she doesn't want to

The thing with that is, if you say "I can't make it because I have X during the day so logistically it's a bit tricky" people may misread it as you want to come but can't make it work, and so think they're being genuinely helpful by suggesting ways you could make it. Especially if the conversation happens over text where it's harder to tell someone's tone.

I would say something along the lines of "I'm going to give this weekend a miss, I need a bit of time to myself to relax and sleep!" And then I'd turn my notifications off for a few hours.
If they hassle I'd make a joke like "guys, I know I'm the life of the party but I'm sure you can have fun without me!!" And then I wouldn't engage on it again.

OP can still say no. It really is not that hard.

Boundaries are good. Saying no is fine. YABU to put yourself through this.

She has

The thing with that is, if you say "I can't make it because I have X during the day so logistically it's a bit tricky" people may misread it as you want to come but can't make it work, and so think they're being genuinely helpful by suggesting ways you could make it
Absolutelt this.

OP you know you can say no so just be really clear with your friends- ‘really looking forward to X and Y but unfortunately I can’t make Z, have fun without me everyone’ and don’t leave it open for discussion.

It doesn't actually sound like she has just said a straight no to be honest. It sounds like she has on one occasion said she couldn't attend something because it would be logistically tricky to do so and a friend tried to find a solution because she thought the OP wanted to attend. Nothing the OP has said indicates she's ever said no to a night out and her friends have been annoyed about it.

They are not being unreasonable to arrange things.

YANBU to say no.

YABU to say no but give reasons why and then be persuaded to say yes. You didn't need to give a full logistical reason why you couldn't go, just say you have other plans and not describe them in full.