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Approaching 40… looking back what advice would you give?

75 replies

Cloud44 · 28/02/2024 13:18

Soon to be 40, and feeling like I want to make some changes to try and be my healthiest self. I’m really not looking forward to being péri menopausal / going through the menopause. Is it as bad as you hear?! If you are past your 40s what advice would you give looking back?

OP posts:
LuciferRising · 28/02/2024 22:27

All that shit you want to do? Do it. Don't waste time planning it. Get up tomorrow and make a start.

Catinabeanbag · 28/02/2024 22:32

My 40s have been way better than my 30s. Got to the point where I care far less about what people think of me, and I'm much more secure in myself and who I am, which is very freeing.
Life is short- do what you're good at and what makes you happy. If you have a job you love, all the better!
If I'd have had this self assurance and all my life experiences to draw on at 20, I'd have conquered the world. Youth is definitely wasted on the young!
Get fit, stay fit.... drink alcohol (but not too much!), enjoy your food. I"m not sure anyone ever regretted not eating anough brocolli when they were on their death bed!
On that note - losing friends too soon made me think about what was important in life, and how I want to be remembered. Do I want to be someone known for my status, or what I earned / had? Not really- I'd rather be known as someone who was kind, spent time with friends, treated people well, and so on. Priorities and all that!

EdgarsTale · 28/02/2024 22:34

Prioritise your pension. It’s really importantI.
I agree with keeping your weight in check. My friends having the most health problems now are all over weight.

GMH1974 · 28/02/2024 22:36

My advice to myself would be "Don't marry the bastard"

LocalHobo · 28/02/2024 22:40

Periods ceased over 2 years ago so I assume I have had the menopause. No symptoms of anything and I am overweight.
The menopause is a stage of life, not an illness.

CherryBlossom321 · 28/02/2024 22:46

I turned 40 in November. I’ve continued with a gym routine 3/4 times a week, eating fresher food, and have quit alcohol for the most part. If I wasn’t doing these things I know that personally I’d feel like shit. I mean, I often already do, but I’d be even worse. I’d ideally like to sleep more, but having autistic kids interferes with that a lot. I’ve started supplementing with vitamin b12, D and iron. And drinking green tea for its anti inflammatory properties. Prioritising quality time with loved ones is higher on my agenda than it’s ever been too!

hothotheatbag · 28/02/2024 23:10

All of the above fab advice but don't panic, I was amazing in my early 40s fit weight training. It all went to shit over covid, sickness surgery etc, but it's coming back, so don't be afraid of the set backs.

My advice would be yes get fit, yes do exercise but please party hard when you can, laugh loads, enjoy life and have fun.

Oh and moisturiser your eyelids more than you think they need it and neck, and start carrying hand cream.

Pensions, also pensions and career.

But please get lost in some moments and get a bit drunk (if that your thing) I loved my early 40s.

QueenMegan · 28/02/2024 23:13

You're a baby.
Say fuck it and fuck off more. Don't put up with bad behaviour.
Have fun.
Take HRT it's not a competition. You don't go through the menopause. Your hormones decline.

tothelefttotheleft · 28/02/2024 23:47

@hothotheatbag

Moisturise eyelids? I have never heard of that or ever done it!

hothotheatbag · 29/02/2024 07:37

tothelefttotheleft · 28/02/2024 23:47

@hothotheatbag

Moisturise eyelids? I have never heard of that or ever done it!

I doubt it's a specific thing, but I spent my life just throwing random moisturiser at my face, paid no attention to my neck and never used eye creams. At 48 I wish I had as I have papery wrinkly eyelids!! 🤣

I have hooded eyes anyway but now I have wrinkly saggy hooded eyes, even a tiny bit of extra care may have given me a few more years of non wrinkly eyelids.

EmpressaurusOfTheScathingTinsel · 29/02/2024 07:46

Yes to weight training, yoga & focusing on your social life. I didn’t get a dog in my 40s but I started fostering cats for a local rescue, which is brilliant.

Also keep your brain exercised - are there any languages or skills you’ve always wanted to learn?

I’m 50 & only been perimenopausal for a year or two so you might have some time to wait on that.

hannahwaddinghamsbiceps · 29/02/2024 07:54

It's about getting the balance right between enjoying yourself now, and planning for the future.
You may live a long and healthy life, so make sure you have your pension sorted. But don't sacrifice living now totally as pp have said the future isn't promised.
I feel happier now I have some savings, I have improved my diet and I do some exercise. Gives me a feeling of control.
However I have also had some big holidays, and I enjoy my food, as well as learned to take pleasure in the very smallest of things- blue sky, a bird singing, daffodils in the grass as I'm driving!
I've tried to stop people pleasing if it ends up making me feel bad.
I know I am fortunate that I am able to save some money, and I am happily married. But I wasn't in that position at 40, I was newly divorced, unfit, eating junk food and skint.
Small changes in habits and behaviours give you strength to make bigger changes, until you can work out what makes you feel content.
Actually, consciously seeking and acknowledging contentment, not always chasing the next thing "because that will make me happy" has been the biggest change for me in the last 10 years, and that's the difference I see in people around me who seem fulfilled vs those who are struggling.

hollyblueivy · 29/02/2024 08:00

Great sensible advice on this thread. I like the last post about balance.

user1469908675642 · 02/03/2024 11:07

Sezanne · 28/02/2024 20:16

This is the age where things start going wrong unless you’re really lucky, so get your paperwork organised, get a will written, make sure you keep up with your friends and enjoy your life as much as you can.

This is ominous. I'm 38 and feel really young still. I don't anticipate things going dramatically wrong in 18 months time... or maybe I'm in for a shock...

I’m late 40’s. Our youngest is last year of A levels, so we’ve done about 18 years of school, in that time I can recall 4 school parents that have died plus quite a few who’ve had various cancers and are fortunately in remission. We are only at small schools too!
There’s a reason your 40’s and 50’s are known as snipers alley, so I’d agree it never hurts to have your affairs in order, particularly if you’ve got dependant children.
Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Cloud44 · 13/03/2024 19:37

Just re-reading everyone’s replies, some great thoughts here thank you!

OP posts:
ludocris · 13/03/2024 19:47

Some of these posts are really quite depressing to read. For example, the PP who said 'unless you're really lucky, things will start to go wrong from 40' (health-wise). Geez. Not really the way to comfort someone who is a bit worried about turning 40. Same goes for those who have 'I've lost some friends to cancer in their 40s so make the most of being alive'. Can we not?? I for one find it very hard to focus on enjoying myself when I'm depressed at the thought that I could be dead!

Some very good advice as well though, eg lose weight now (advice I need to follow!), and invest time in your friendships.

Pancakewaffle · 13/03/2024 19:49

@ludocris I just read this thread and found it horribly depressing as a 33YO!!

ludocris · 13/03/2024 19:50

@Pancakewaffle I'm 43 and pregnant, and it's been quite an upsetting read!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 13/03/2024 19:52

When I hit 40 I was just happy being able to do what I wanted now the kids had grown up, so I say

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT COS LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

Pancakewaffle · 13/03/2024 23:22

@ludocris I thought it was going to be uplifting! How wrong I was.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

mondaytosunday · 14/03/2024 00:01

I got married at 40 and then had two kids so it was the start of totally new phase for me!
By the way menopause for me was a breeze. My periods just gradually petered out in my mid 50s. No other symptoms- not one hot flash even! My mother has a dreadful time so I was worried.

PaminaMozart · 14/03/2024 01:11

Pancakewaffle · 13/03/2024 19:49

@ludocris I just read this thread and found it horribly depressing as a 33YO!!

Don't be depressed. It is an inevitable fact of life that we get older and one day we'll be proper old. It's disconcerting, but preferable to the alternative.

The people who are unhappy about getting old tend to be those who let things slip and didn't look after themselves. Whilst it's never too late to change one's lifestyle, there is no denying the fact that doing so early will bring bigger rewards.

Eating a healthy Mediterranean style diet, being active in all sorts of ways, exercising, having lots of interests and hobbies, nurturing relationships - as opposed to drifting along, eating crap food, drinking too much alcohol, spending too much time sitting in front of the telly.

I'm 70. I work out, walk a lot, watch what I eat but what I eat is delicious, I meet up with friends most days, still married to the guy I met at uni, spend time with my granddaughter, have a second career as an artist, tend to our garden, travel, ski, cycle, swim, go to the theatre, ballet, opera, exhibitions..... etc etc - there aren't enough hours in the day.

We don't know what life will throw at us, and I don't know how many years I have left - but while I'm healthy and have my marbles I keep on keeping on.

R0ckStarrr · 14/03/2024 01:20

There will be good times & bad times, but you will get through them

Live, laugh, love

I had some unexpected things happen. However, my memories are predominantly about all the good times that I had.

Ialwaystry · 14/03/2024 01:26

You dont need a coil fitted to get hrt ( I had one for a year because my stupid doc believed this).
Yes lose extra fat now because its so hard during.
Take hrt. ( I took supplements for 2 yrs and wished I'd took hrt sooner).
Drink less alcohol and look after ur mind and body.

coxesorangepippin · 14/03/2024 01:28

Make sure your pension is up and running

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