Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

In my circle I see nearly all young families making the same meal for their kids and eating together most nights.

I see meals based around vegetables and a protein, not beige.
Sometimes eggs and sausages, sometimes home made pizza etc. However, I notice that the same kids will order chips and nuggets or fish when eating out. Treat food.

I also see lunch boxes full of vegies, homas, bell peppers and savoury muffins etc - really healthy and varied.

Don't we all have a few bland comfort foods like peanut butter toast or Macaroni Cheese that we eat regularly.

I have 3 children and I've only cooked family meals. All children were brilliant eaters until toddlers. 2 of mine have continued to eat healthy varied food. However, the youngest is rubbish and has developed a penchant for beige foods. He would eat chicken nuggets and chips every night if he had the chance!

I work full time and getting one healthy meal on the table each night is quite enough! Some night, especially pasta or roast dinner nights - he won't eat anything. I never make a big deal of it, everyone is to sit at the table. I just waste a plated meal. I never give him anything else and unfortunately he'll go to bed hungry.

I'd rather this than an adolescence of only eating processed foods. Not sure if this is the right approach. I'm just hoping he'll grow out of it!

We weaned our children n exactly what we are, just reducing the price and spice when they were tiny. By aged 7, both had become very picky and refused many foods. No idea what happened, but things definitely went downhill once they started school and had school dinners. I think they began to dislikes some things because they disliked the school versions, and they saw other children refuse things, so they followed suit. Our 11 year old is beginning to try a few things, but he's nothing like the adventurous toddler he once was.

I read somewhere that if a child says he doesn't like a particular food you tell him 'That's because you haven't tried it enough yet.' Then you insist they put a very small amount on their plate and tell them to eat it. Gradually, they get used to it. Some of my grandchildren wouldn't eat mashed potatoes, so I got them to mash the potatoes for me and gave them different herbs to add and / or garlic oil, tasting a tiny bit as they went along. It worked.

That’s a bit rude! The OP never said anything like that!

I can cook perfectly well and was able to adapt my meals for my young children. There are plenty of flavours you can add to a dish that are safe for children. And just because a dish isn’t spicy doesn’t mean it’s bland.

DS eats a lot, and usually he will eat the same as us or a variation on what we are eating. But sometimes I want a hot Thai curry, or Sichuan noodles, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a six year old not to want that level of heat - lots of adults wouldn’t either. I also don’t expect him to like olives, aubergine, artichokes etc, because I didn’t at that age, but I developed a taste for them when I was older.

Equally, he absolutely loves pesto pasta, favourite food ever, and honestly I don’t want to eat that three times a week.

So he will eat quesadillas, chilli con carne, various different daals, vegetable biryani, sag paneer, halloumi wraps, Chinese vegetable fried rice, sesame noodles with tofu, katsu curry, satay tofu, a low-heat Thai curry, pad thai, blue cheese gnocchi, pumpkin stuffed pasta, plus standard British food like sausage and mash, jacket potatoes, shepherds pie.

And once or twice a week, I’ll have Sichuan noodles, pasta puttanesca, or something else he doesn’t like, and he can have pesto pasta with peas. I don’t think there’s any issue with that, honestly. He’ll probably eat spicier food as he gets older.

I’m really glad for bland, beige children’s menus tbh. My DS will eat just about anything I make at home and has a varied, healthy diet. He gets anxious about food though, he eats what I cook because he knows how I cook and likes home cooking.

Eating out is tricky for him because even ordering familiar meals, they don’t look and taste the same as they do at home. So eating a home made lasagne is no problem, eating lasagne at a restaurant is problematic because it doesn’t look or taste like the one I make, so he won’t eat it.

Being able to order a tomato pasta, a burger or chicken nuggets is fine because they’re pretty much the same wherever you go, so we can order a nice meal while he has the security of something familiar to him.

I also grew up in the 70s/80s, and my mum and dad ate what OP is describing as “bland food” themselves - it was standard British food like sausage and mash, shepherd’s pie, Cornish pasty, cod in parsley sauce with new potatoes and veg, roast dinner, bubble and squeak, toad in the hole.

DS will happily eat all of that, including most vegetables. It is spicy food (and weirdly, any kind of salad leaf) that he doesn’t like. That wasn’t on the menu in 1982, at least not in our house.

At home my children eat whatever parts they like of the meal - one will often just have pasta with no sauce for example, or takes the cheese off pizza. There's always something they like but no special meals cooked. They both eat most meats and plenty of fruit, it's the sauce they are less keen on but will sometimes enjoy it. Sauces are home made and not spicy - they just aren't keen on sauces for some reason (unless ketchup obviously!) When out I order whatever I think they will like best because what's the fun of eating out if you can't choose what you want, and also, it's expensive, I don't want them to waste it.

I think parents of non fussy eaters don’t realise how the other half live! It’s largely luck if you have a child who will eat it at least try everything. I didn’t plan to bring my child up on a beige diet and I don’t think most parents do!

My thoughts are because food becomes a battle ground for many people very early on.
Baby isn't getting enough/is fed too much milk. Baby has to wean on a certain way etc. Baby soon learns that A) they're getting attention whilst being fed and B) they can get more attention by eating/not eating/throwing food etc. So many people have hang ups about food that they unknowingly pass on. And kids are smart. They really do know how to get us to interact. It's just sometimes it gets stressful, and its far easier to give in and let your child eat what they want, rather than battle it out.
I know I'm going to get flack for this, but I do think it contributes to why people end up cooking different meals and picking 'safe' food whilst eating out.

We always gave our kids what we ate. Never really understood why some parents automatically go down the nuggets and chips route.

Could not agree more. In other countries they see food as an education. That’s what we did with our two. They have never had special food I would never entertain them eating differently to us and we all ate the same together at the same time around the table as soon as kids could sit in a high chair. God it pays off. Dd is now at uni cooking herself proper wholesome dinners every night. It’s been the bedrock of our family. Its absolutely bonkers to not eat together, proper meals from get go. That’s how kids learn.

If you eat together the baby will soon want to do what everyone else is doing, so they are included. It’s human nature not to be the odd one out. They will follow suit naturally if they know that’s what is expected of them. Include them at the table and they will soon fall in line saving hours and hours of effort further down the line. I mean who has got time for double dinners?

Genuine question because I’m interested - how do children move onto “normal” food in your culture? It is a gradual increase in spiciness, and if so how is it introduced and at what sort of age? Interested to know how other people manage it.

It enrages me no end trying to eat out and having these "childrens menus" which are rhe exact same UPF, vile junk food options.

Absolutely cannot abude it! Kids eat what we eat, not plastic, beige shite.

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Fussy eating can be no fault of the parents & definitely not just being 'weaned on plain things'. Well done for never having a fussy kid, lucky you!

I never have cooked separately (except v spicy food when they were little), I know a few who do but not many.

But everyone’s kid starts off as a fussy eater. It’s your job as a parent to teach them not to be. You don’t enter into this world with a taste for tikka masala. It’s acquired.

As toddlers, mine would eat anything. They developed their own preferences as they got older, though. One now won't eat meat; one doesn't like spicy food; one hates gravy and sauces...

So for anyone feeling smug about their toddlers' diets, it may yet change!

A lot of very small children like olives I have noticed. I’m guessing cos they don’t get much that’s salty..

It's just sometimes it gets stressful, and its far easier to give in and let your child eat what they want, rather than battle it out.
I know I'm going to get flack for this, but I do think it contributes to why people end up cooking different meals and picking 'safe' food whilst eating out.

Yes it is easier to allow my child to pick safe foods when we eat out. We don’t eat out often, I want him to be able to relax and pick something he wants to eat. I don’t want him to worry that the meal he’s ordered will look or taste different, and then either force himself to eat it or to feel bad because the food went to waste. I want him to enjoy the social experience of eating out.

At home he’ll try most things, and eats a very varied diet, why on earth would I make eating out a battle ground.

@Saschka This is the same for us. The amount of spice and seasoning in our food would upset babies and toddlers.
we just offer increasingly spicy foods in intervals and see what they can tolerate. By 8 0r 9 they are eating very spicy foods.

@DillDanding not all parents 'automatically' go down the nuggets route, they end up there having gone down many a cul de sac en route!

I have four DC, they all have entirely different tastes. DC1 was weaned on everything going (even grouse....), became incredibly fussy about food around 2 and at the age of 16 is even more restricted than she used to be (she is autistic, however). As a result, choices for younger sibs were more limited because the doctor's advice was to just get her to eat and supplement. She will not eat rather than eat something she doesn't like.

Initially I used to make my own breaded chicken chunks, but then did switch to some fresh ones (as well as using frozen veg so I could cook a small portion rather than throwing stuff away).

Whereas DC4 (aged 8)'s favourite foods are sushi, curry and stir fries. DC2 has what I call 'gourmet fussiness' and likes the finer things in life..... DC3 likes a range of things but nothing too out there.

So I do cook more than one meal because otherwise the youngers would have a rotation of about 3 meals.

Because of this experience, I never question what others do because children have different tastes. Much like me and my two siblings.