Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

My youngest is 10 months and has been weaned on what we eat from 6 months. Unless it’s something spicy or hard to chew you won’t catch me cooking 2 separate dinners 😂

We ate out not long ago and my friend was shocked that he was eating with us like it wasn’t normal!

We often (and have since they were about 4) fed our kids different meals from us because they didn’t like the stuff we had.

Prior to that, they were both fed a huge variety of homemade stuff that was similar (just leas salty/spicy) to what we had.

I’m not sure why it’s hard to understand. Some people like different things.

Well when children start to eat solid food it's not necessarily what parents are eating.
Lots of parents are special diets which aren't necessarily good or agreeable for children.
For parents struggling to cook and eating a lot of pre-made /processed / ready meals - most of those things are way too high in additives/preservatives and SALT for young children.

But then it was all fine and dandy here until ex was arrested and removed from our lives...and my child started attending nursery. The food at nursery was that bland food you speak of. My child was then less willing at home to eat the diversity of food he had been.

Then we went to California, for the first year in nursery he ate what what they served - mostly bland kid food and junky...but you weren't allowed to send your own food.

Then we changed schools where all children had to bring lunch and DS was mostly things like pasta, eggs, berries, grapes, banana, clementines, yogurt/kefir, pita cheese pizza..and being California its hard to pack lunch that can stay ok no refrigerated and get warm.

And then the pandemic hit and it and juggling long hours 6-7 days a week and caring for a 3 year old on my own was fun and meals were quick!

Primary school ... well hell they served cinnamon buns with icing for breakfast every wednesday! And lunch was hotdogs, chicken nuggets, pizza, tacos...

And then back in England... its a bit better. But nobody exactly feeds back what my child is eating. Now 7 , he's much more interested in trying different foods.

why are people so judgey about what other people's kids eat?

In the nicest possible way, I think you should mind your business. If it’s not directly impacted your life - then who cares what people do. They are feeding their kids. That’s the main point. They are fed.
obviously, there are always healthy options and I believe in a balanced diet.

we have a three year old who is a very picky eater, so he has his own menu and we have a separate adult one. hoping we can combine as he grows - and that our currently weaning second can eat same as us. i do find using the same ingredients and cooking them differently helps a little, but still takes effort to make his ‘bland’ food.

Yeah, my 5 year old isn't trying to eat Nigerian pepper yet. Just about got him to enjoy non-spicy Jollof rice.

He won't even eat fried plantain😭

It used to irritate me that my that MIL would prepare my children separate food. No need, not something I ever did. All 3 of MILs adult children are very fussy eaters and so she would cook around 6 different meals for people at family gatherings! My children are teenagers now and they eat everything and anything.

My kids get what we eat unless we're having a takeaway or steak ( because fk paying for 8 steaks 🤣) , they have been eating stir fry and curry's since weaning I couldn't be arsed cooking different meals tbh

When mine was little, he quickly learned if he didn’t eat what was put in front of him, then that would be it until next meal time, which would be whatever it was the he refused to eat reheated and no snacks in the middle. I’m French and half Spanish. I don’t get the British method.

I think YABU actually. I think parents try their hardest and find things their kids like. As for restaurant menus, I suspect the reason for the options on offer is because that's what the majority of kids love and why shouldn't they have what they love when out for a treat?!

Because my parents forced me to eat foods that I really didn’t like and starved me if I tried to eat it but gagged. Most meals contained foods I couldn’t bear and I was forced to eat meat when I wanted to be a vegetarian. I remember being absolutely miserable at mealtimes. I became anorexic as a teenager, then overweight as a young adult. I am now a healthy weight and eat a well balanced diet….. but it has taken me to my 40s to have a normal relationship with eating.

I absolutely won’t do the same with my children. Luckily they like most foods and we can eat the same meal as a family roughly 4/5 days a week. But I will happily make the kids a different meal when my husband and I have certain meals that we enjoy, but they hate.

This in spades!
know someone who fed their kids beige food whilst preparing nice tasty healthy normal food. Kids would watch the prep and ask to eat what they were eating or eat with them. Kids only ate with parents on special occasions or when staying with family members and ate normal food.
not the beige crap they had to eat on their own.

@DoughBallss I too was an excellent parent to a toddler/preschooler/ small child before actually having one. Babies eat anything. Toddlers have views.

I always envisaged that my children would eat the same foods as me. That's what I served them. The eldest was very picky around food, had massive tantrums, refused the foods, wouldn't eat sauce, didn't like cooked foods etc etc.

I had no idea how to deal with this so gave in and gave him what he would eat, because I wanted him to have food. I tried saying 'that's all there is' but didn't get very far with that approach.

My youngest copied him.

Now they're 21 and 17 and they eat all the foods I eat, they gradually became less picky in their teens.

I wish I knew why children are so weird about food.

It doesn't help that there's a proliferation of ultra-processed food for them at kids' parties etc - once they've tried that addictive crap they want more of it.

We’ve also have a nearly 4 year old and tbf she still eats what we eat majority of the time but would be equally as happy to live off ham and cheese sandwiches!

When I was growing up 'fussy eating' -aka 'having an opinion'- just wasn't tolerated. If we didn't eat what was provided we went hungry (and often did because I couldn't stand tripe, rabbit, liver & bacon and overcooked mushy yellow vegetables).

When I became a parent I cooked a good selection of all kinds of 'proper' foods, took note of what my DD liked best, and made sure to provide favourites along with regular new foods to try. I couldn't (and wouldn't) have been bothered to make separate meals but did take into account her likes and dislikes. Children's taste buds are very different to an adult's so there does need to be a bit of give and take!

I have watched as colleagues have asked yheif pre-schoolers what yhey would like fof their dinner. All of the adults hold responsible jobs and every time that this happens, I am amazed.

Side note from my previous posts…I was a really picker eater and have only started being more adventurous my late 20’s. Trying to get my kids to be better as it’s a pain ordering out and taking half of the ingredients off!

My toddler weaned beautifully. He ate everything and anything, tried new things and then overnight it literally all stopped. no trigger and no warning. Now he will only eat beige food despite me offering all the things he used to like. I very very rarely give in but honestly it’s not always worth the battle. It also doesn’t help that I don’t finish work until 5, my husband doesn’t get home until 6:30 so we can’t eat together anymore.

he’s a very switched on little boy and ultimately on the rare occasions he had chicken nuggets he’s decided that’s what he likes. He’s also developed a bit of a sensory issue, which lots of kids do and eventually grow out of, but beige food always tastes and feels the same whereas fruits and veggies often have varying textures tastes and consistencies depending on how ripe they are/time of year. My son and lots of others are sensitive to this.

But well done you on your excellent and superior parenting. Your comment is judgemental when we are all doing our best. And ultimately the most important thing is our children are fed. I’d rather him eat something than nothing at all.

Ah you’re speaking far too soon I’m afraid!! I wouldn’t be too smug!

It’s usually because the child is a fussy eater which can happen quite easily! It’s simple really. 2 of my 3 were fussy eaters but mange a varied diet now they’re grown up.

We do a combination about 5 dinner a week we all eat together and the same thing, my kids do not like spicy though and sometimes I want a Thai etc which is way too hot for them. 1 of them loves olives the other hates them.

Also find the days they are tired they are less likely to try things!
We also do one thing they will eat and then give them small portion of the new thing.

In my part of Scotland 40 years ago my (white Scottish) Mum made chilli, bolognaise and curry as well as mince and tatties and chops etc. I think she was an outlier though! I do think it helped me to be less fussy. It took a while for me to like the spicier stuff. Friends brought up on children’s meals were definitely fussier as they didn’t know any different.

I’ve been lucky with my two in that they eat most things. We’ve always given them what we have (albeit with a lot less spice at first) and have always eaten together as I think that helps. One DD is a bit fussier than the other, but will try things and is getting more adventurous as she gets older. Her sister loved mussels at the age of three, so I think her being so adventurous made the other look fussy when she was just more normal!

In all I think some parents create fussy eaters by not offering enough variation, but there are also children who develop real issues with textures and taste that are very difficult to overcome. Undoubtably some luck is involved.

I cook once for the whole family and we all eat the same foods, curry, sausage and mash, stir fry, teriyaki salmon and rice, nasi goreng, just some examples of the food we eat. I do make the kids foods a bit less spicy and we add hot sauce or chilli oil etc to ours if we want. It baffles me and is an alien concept to cook 2 meals! I don't get it at all. I have taming twins and all Rebecca Wilson cook books for inspiration to find our favourites :)