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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to know why friend blocked me?

54 replies

Whytoday · 27/02/2024 07:33

So 3 ish years ago, a partner of one of my DHs friends who I’ve known a few years (came to our wedding) and I were pregnant at the same time during lockdown. She has a large following on Instagram and even now is always saying to her to her followers that she’s lonely, has no mum friends or friends at all and wishes she had these friends to go stuff with her DD but has social anxiety.

So I, many times, have reached out and tried to form a friendship with her (e.g. soft play, play group, inviting her round for a coffee and taking the kids to the park) because I don’t want her to feel lonely and that she has no one, she doesn’t live far away and it make sense as our girls are so close in age. If I’d seen on her story that she was having a bad day with her anxiety or with her current pregnancy I’d reach out and say I was there if she needed to talk to someone.

She only replies to me about a third of the time I message her about meeting up- when we do she always says she had a great time and we must do it again soon. At the beginning of the year we were invited to her DDs birthday party (only friends who were invited) and it seemed to go great and we said we’d meet up soon etc etc.

So messaged a few days later, ignored. Noticed she’d ‘come off’ IG, (thought it was one of her followers had been mean to her or something) so I messaged her to ask if she was ok, ignored. And now I realised she hasn’t actually come off- she’s just blocked me!

I don’t want to make things awkward as our DDs play nicely and will eventually may go to school together and we will see each other from time to time, however its just making me feel shit that she’s cut me out for no reason and I want to just know why! But I certainly don’t think I’ll be reaching out again to meet up.

I feel pathetic for even typing this post so please me kind!

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 27/02/2024 07:34

You won't get a decent answer here. 90% of replies to any thread are "Just block him/her!"

NigelHarmansNewWife · 27/02/2024 07:36

It's not you, it's her. Strikes me her IG is just attention seeking, she's no intention or desire for friendship with you. Don't take it personally, hard as that may be.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/02/2024 07:37

Because it didn't fit her lonely mum fake social media narrative.

Just ignore her, she's clearly fake.

FUBAR77 · 27/02/2024 07:37

Could she be a bit of a ‘no one likes me’ martyr when she actually pushes people away/makes no effort to maintain friendships? I’ve known a few of these people! They’re draining as friends so she’s done you a favour

CheerfulBardo · 27/02/2024 07:38

Look, it was a nice impulse to befriend her, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t working for her. Whoever the ‘I’m so lonely’ posts were aimed at, and whatever they were intended to achieve, it clearly wasn’t you or what you were offering. I wouldn’t take it personally. Someone playing the violin all over social media about her tough times is probably not a thinker.

lifeisfunandflowersbloomintherain · 27/02/2024 07:40

Yeah that isn't great , social
Media is a minefield for everyone but especially
When it involves adults causes a lot of fights best thing to do is talk frankly face to face you both state your views on the issue and then compromise maybe a trip away from
The tablet or iPad or whatever is in her head will clear that and then she may understand the situation better .

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 27/02/2024 07:41

She has a large following on Instagram and even now is always saying to her to her followers that she’s lonely-
There lies your answer. Your ruining her social media claims with your friendship
offer.

MayThe4th · 27/02/2024 07:44

Personally I think that blocking people is juvenile and pathetic. The only exception being people who have been e.g. particularly nasty or who have done something particularly awful.

But this notion of blocking people purely because you hear from them too much/not enough/that they don’t reply/do reply to your messages is juvenile.

So with that in mind, I’d consider that she’s just a twat, and just wouldn’t bother with her any more.

It’s not you it’s her.

Even if you did contact her more than she wanted, once she blocked you, it became not you but her.

She’s likely one of those who goes on social media saying she’s lonely because she loves the following and the clicks and the likes. What she means by she’s lonely is that she doesn’t have enough of a social media following. She doesn’t actually want to bother with people in the real world.

HereWeGoRoundAgain · 27/02/2024 07:44

It kind of boils down to the friendship equivalent of 'she's just not that in to you'. She's blocked you, doesn't want to be friends, and is clearly not going to explain herself. Don't torture yourself by trying to pursue it. Honestly, just forget it and move on.

sonjadog · 27/02/2024 07:45

It isn’t you. For some reason she wants to portray an image of being lonely. She doesn’t actually want a friend. Or it might be that her posts are actually aimed at a specific person or group while you are assuming that the comments are general. In any case, she’s obviously a bit of an odd one. Just give her a wide berth in future.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 27/02/2024 07:47

Maybe she feels a bit uncomfortable you stalking her instagram and messaging her etc based on it? I get it's coming from a good place. But comes across a little stalkery/desperate your end.

I wouldnt be the type to share my life like that. But she clearly is. If i was however sharing my personal life all over social media in an insta famous way, i'd feel a bit uncomfortable with people i know in real life acting on everything said. She's likely a fake who likes insta attention. You acting on her sharing things is probably blurring her insta and real world and she doesn't like it.

Yes she should expect it if she shares things publicly as anyone can see them. But she's also allowed to try and restrict what you see. These insta fame hungry people are all a little delusional. None of them really share 'real life'. What she's shared is unlikely really real. And if it is, she's clearly not comfortable discussing it with you.

Your title is incorrect. She's not your friend. She never was and probably never will be. Let her carry on in her insta world. Get on with your life. Politeness if you see her, but nothing more.

Whatafustercluck · 27/02/2024 07:50

So she's not exactly a friend as much as someone you've tried to support but doesn't reciprocate? For whatever reason, whether real social anxiety or a social media-obsessed false narrative, she's way too much hard work and not exactly a friend to you. If you see her on the school run, smile and nod politely in acknowledgement and quickly move on. You'd probably find that even if she did reciprocate your friendship, she'd sap all your energy and positivity. A mood hoover and a fun sponge. Some folk are odd, move on.

hopscotcher · 27/02/2024 07:51

Obviously only guessing, but if she needs all that attention and affirmation on IG she sounds a bit fragile. She's perhaps the sort of person who occasionally blocks people on a whim - not for anything they've (you've) done, more for some sort of mental health reason or perhaps for attention. I actually wouldn't take this too personally - but I also wouldn't maintain very high expectations of her as a friend. Back off for a while and let her approach you if she wants to connect. Is IG your only medium of contact?

CheerfulBardo · 27/02/2024 07:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

CheerfulBardo · 27/02/2024 07:52

HereWeGoRoundAgain · 27/02/2024 07:44

It kind of boils down to the friendship equivalent of 'she's just not that in to you'. She's blocked you, doesn't want to be friends, and is clearly not going to explain herself. Don't torture yourself by trying to pursue it. Honestly, just forget it and move on.

Yes. ‘I’m lonely’ doesn’t actually mean ‘I want to be your friend’.

MayThe4th · 27/02/2024 07:52

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 27/02/2024 07:47

Maybe she feels a bit uncomfortable you stalking her instagram and messaging her etc based on it? I get it's coming from a good place. But comes across a little stalkery/desperate your end.

I wouldnt be the type to share my life like that. But she clearly is. If i was however sharing my personal life all over social media in an insta famous way, i'd feel a bit uncomfortable with people i know in real life acting on everything said. She's likely a fake who likes insta attention. You acting on her sharing things is probably blurring her insta and real world and she doesn't like it.

Yes she should expect it if she shares things publicly as anyone can see them. But she's also allowed to try and restrict what you see. These insta fame hungry people are all a little delusional. None of them really share 'real life'. What she's shared is unlikely really real. And if it is, she's clearly not comfortable discussing it with you.

Your title is incorrect. She's not your friend. She never was and probably never will be. Let her carry on in her insta world. Get on with your life. Politeness if you see her, but nothing more.

More likely that someone in real life having an input on her social media means she runs the risk of being exposed as the fake she is, given there are actually people who are interested in being friends with her.

And following someone’s public social media account is not stalking them. If they don’t want people to see, then they shouldn’t be posting on social media.

Chances are there are plenty of people in rl who know her and who are watching her social media posts, possibly the ones who dare to comment she blocks in case they give her followers the wrong impression, and the rest probably watch on thinking how pathetic she is given how they know differently.

financialcareerstuff · 27/02/2024 07:54

OP, it may be that she's simply a fake twat etc as posters say..... but.....

It may also be that she genuinely has anxiety and is struggling as she says. If she only answers a small proportion of your messages that suggests you are messaging her too much and she maybe feels pressured. So she tries to ignore, but you don't take the hint.

I also notice you don't say anything about actually liking her- just wanting to help. Nobody wants to be somebody's pity project, and perhaps that's how she felt to you?

I don't think you did anything wrong, but it doesn't sound like it was a naturally made friendship from rapport or anything, anyway. So I guess time to move on.... Flowers

whereeverilaymycat · 27/02/2024 07:55

HereWeGoRoundAgain · 27/02/2024 07:44

It kind of boils down to the friendship equivalent of 'she's just not that in to you'. She's blocked you, doesn't want to be friends, and is clearly not going to explain herself. Don't torture yourself by trying to pursue it. Honestly, just forget it and move on.

Agree. If she genuinely is lonely, she doesn't see you as the cure for it. Come away from this knowing you tried to do a good thing and don't give it another thought. It's disappointing, but life's too short to spend it on people that don't appreciate you. If you see her around a simple hello and move on will be fine.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 27/02/2024 07:58

I'm with PP, the whole "woe is me' narrative is just an IG persona. You probably annoyed her with your offers when she is trying to portray a certain image.

BeakyBlinders · 27/02/2024 07:59

How do you know you're blocked?

Porfirio · 27/02/2024 08:00

Because you're spoiling her narrative of 'Woe is me, I'm so lonely.'

She doesn't actually want your kindness or offers of help as then she would have to admit that she isn't lonely and has no help or support!

It suits her to have a large following seeing her post about her word.

She's a massive attention seeker but only for social media not in few life.

Block her and don't fall for these ridiculous idiots fake sob stories.

lifeisfunandflowersbloomintherain · 27/02/2024 08:01

Yeah attention seeker must be that then , I didn't study sociology or psychology but a few friends did , maybe doing adult a levels makes sense to
Me know .

CatamaranViper · 27/02/2024 08:02

Do you only reach out after one of her SM posts?
Maybe she is worried that you are only trying to befriend her to gain visibility to her followers if you only ever reach out after she's posted.

Vallmo47 · 27/02/2024 08:35

Sounds like you’ve done what you can to help her and she’s either unwilling or unable to accept this kind offer. It could be that the posts weren’t directed at you (she might have had one person specifically in mind that she wants to hear from) or she received a few messages from people and have taken her choice as to who she wants to be in closer contact with. Either way, I’d take a step back from the situation and ignore such posts in future because unfortunately I don’t think she’s your person, if you know what I mean.

ConflictofInterest · 27/02/2024 08:46

But if she has social anxiety you are causing her great anxiety. So many people don't understand what it means. I have social anxiety and they seem to think it means I need a friend and can't understand their attempts at friendship are like if I had a fear of spiders and they kept knocking on my door with a bag of tarantulas. It is a very lonely and isolating condition but it's not that she can't find a friend it's that she has a fear of friendship and social interaction. Your social interactions are causing her to feel scared and anxious. You are basically forcing aversion therapy onto her, she'd have to be in the right mentality to face it and work on it and she'd said she wasn't because she'd had to come off social media for a break and yet you carried on chucking spiders at her. I don't think you're thinking of it from her perspective.